[Solved] i will fight to my death to see my kids

hi there i tell you my story its long sorry i separated in june after 12 years together we have a little boy 5 now and a little girl who had just turned one i thought i had the perfect life nice wife 2 beautiful children nice home never seen any problems then one afternoon i told my son of for being naughty my grabbed the children and walked out. the next day the police arrive at the door asking to collect her belongings as she is scared to come to the house which amazed me i agreed they left i was stunned i text my wife and said whats going on no reply 3 days later i get a text saying can she come round i said yes thinking it will be ok she walked in calm as you like and said our marriage was over because she felt i was moody and was mentall abusing my son by telling him off when he was naughty i was in shock me and my son had a great relationship playing footy in garden playing wrestling and cops before bed and going to the beach. then she left i was still stunned later that day she text again asking if she could come next day collect some stuff for her and kids as she was staying at her mams i said yes i said i would be out and hope she was not doing me over she said of course not the next day came she had taken all kids clothes toys and her clothes still didnt seem real i text her and said when can i see the kids she then hit me with the biggest kick in the teeth she said my son didnt want to see me anymore because i scared him and she was waiting for social services to contact her regarding having supervised contact with my daughter it like something from a horror film over next couple of days we texted each other about kids i recieved letter from social saying didnt have any ground why they needed to be involved so i text my she said she would supervise contact at local soft play with my daughter but not y son as he didnt want to see me which i hurt but i said ok as i was a chance to see my little girl my wife picked me up as she had taken the car and we got to soft play i fed my daughter and tried to talk to my wife but she was having none of it so i just with my little girl for hour then she dropped me off the next day i text her asking wen i could see my little girl again and asked about my son i got reply saying son was still upset and daughter had cold so would have to see how she was i knew my sons sports day was in 2 days time so decided i would go to school and watch from a far not to upset him or his mam when i get there my so called ill daughter is there looking perfectly fine in a summer dress my wife laughing and joking with her parents she didnt know o was there whwn i got hoe i text her saying she was disgrac lying about our daughter beig to ill to see her dad but perfectly fine to be out i got reoly saying i will not be spied on or stalked and she was going solicitor to sort this out again i was stunned i said fine thinking well least il get to see my kids the next day came and her mam txt me saying dont text her anymore she is seeing solictor i think got to e then because i tol her mam that her precious daughter had self harmed on off for 10 year and to keep eye on her it was the truth but i shouldnt of but thought i cant keep being hurt the next day i get solictor letter requesting that i don contact my wife other than through solictor and to seek legal representation so i did found a solicitor and booked appointment which i wish i hadnt bothered the cost was a huge she said she would type letter back stating that contact should be open because of children and would my wife let me see children alternatie days uuntil soething could be sorted long term got a reply saying she would only offer contact twice a week supervied with her mam and dad at local garden centre i thought i would do it for now until somethig can sorted out the first meet was arranged for the saturday afternoon my son was there and daughter my son ws all over me cuddles and kisses i thought seems strange he apparently hated me a week ago but is fine now but left it he started quizzing me how did i get here had i bought a new car odd questions for 5 year old to come out with thinking mammy has asked you to ask i played with my son and daughter at garden centre as they have soft play being watched by wifes parents which was very unpleasant it was coming up to teatime i my wife had agreed to let me feed them whilst their the cafe had stopped serving hot food and my son wanted chips and sauce and my daughter usually had a jacket potato and beans so said to their grand parents you should take them home so they can have their tea thinking i was doing the right thing so i left the next day i get letter from wifes solicitor contact didnt go well and the session need to be moved because wifes parents were busy i thought why couldnt they say that when we were there i said to my solicitor look send letter back saying let us sort proper contact in mediation as it hadnt went well at all i later found out that wifes parents had lied to her telling her i never played with my kids and all i did was bug them about our relationship we never even spoke and i demanded they take our children to macdonalds it was like id been to a different meeting so i waited for response to mediation i get a letter from mediator saying book appointment he wuld us separate first then together thought ok that sounds good booked appointment for friday 13th of july thnking back it had disaster ritten all over it 2 days before i get letter from wifes solictor informing that my wife wanted to come to house and take all furniture away which i had agreed at begining she could have everything as i cared about her and kids and that they would come at 3 on the 13th i cancelled my appointment at mediation so i as in for wife and removal men i asked my dad to come round for support first time id seen ie since begining of june hour before my wife was due knock at door i was served with non molstation order on grounds of harrassment i posted what was going on on my twitter page and listd our favourite ongs nothing nassty or hurtful my jaw dropped to floor he then informed tht the police were on way to supervise my wife moving things as she feared for her safety they arrived and asked if i would leave house whilst wife collecting her belongings i did my dad stayed at house while wife and her mam collected stuff instructed removers her mam had a go at my dad saying i was a child abuser and that owed them money it was not real oce they gone i sat in empty house looking through non molestation order was full of lies i rang solictor saying i need to see what i can do and what do i do about mediation she said mediation was a waste of time now seen my solicitor who to be honest was a waste of space she said well you have to options you can contest it or accept it she had promised to send letter to wife solicitor informing we still wanted contact with children and how did they suppose that could be arranged the solicitor i had didnt send the letter for 2 weeks so in end i got a new solicitor the old one had cost me 480 for 3 letters and had done nohing to help me with my wife leaving she left massive debts i decided i had to go bankrupt i couldnt afford to live alone csa were now on my case aswell i went to new solicitor they seemed clued up very helpful and nice i was getting legal aid things looked like they could be sorted they sent letter to wife saying can we arrange contact in contact centre which was last place i wanted to be but thought least il be with my kids no lies or anything also asked if i could speak with kids on phone so thy know i care about them letter back from wife i dont think my husband would be positve influence on children and she did want any contact direct or indirct at this time for the kids my solictor recomended that i go through court process i said ok lets do it thinking one my wife might beter of that and 2 it will be worth it thats when things turned nasty her letters from solicitor were evil saying how i had mentally abused my son and i had assaulted him nearly broke his arm just pure lies i admit it scared me the level she was going to i thought how far will she go to make sure i never see my kids again i said to solicitor i think i will walk away i dont want my kids dragged through this for the next 6 month then years of her biterness poisning them against in mean time my filed for divorce demanded that she wanted the rest of our belongings and was unhappy she had been left liable for our joint debt with me going bankrupt i had taken a undertaken for moletation as i could get legal aid to help me fight her at court she got legal aid for it but iff i wanted to fight i would have to pay barrister or represent myself i knew was waste of time my solicitor wrote across saying that i didnt want to go to court wished to see my kids would she not got to mediation and try and sort it out letter came saying we closing file and only matters left are to do with divorce it was unrel m wife had kept me out of my kids lifes for 4 and half month i have missed my daughter walking for first time i have missed my sons first day at school a whole summer holiday with him and daughter and i have even missed his birthday i have been in peices i have not left house i have shut myself off from world in that time i have found out my wife has had neighbours spying on me she has befriended men on internet she has just destroyed every part of me then i read something which sparked a fire in my heart i thought i dont care how horrible and nasty she is i will not let her destroy me and my kids she has no right to think she owns them she has taken me apart i wont lie i have aged aleast 15 year i had no white hair my beard at the begining of this now it is full of white hair but what i have realised no matter how much rubbish throws she cant break my heart and i will fight till i am in the ground to make sure i get to spend days with my kids and get to tuck them up again at night i have served my c100 and c1a orm today i dont care it takes another 6 month to see my kids i will go through all the pain even in end i only get one hour in a contaact centre least its a start i willl keep you updated sorry for long story i ill post poem it might give other dads their fight back