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hi all
i'm a newbie on here. i have a 7 year old child who i have had regular contact with since he was born. i do not live with the mother any more. We split whilst she was pregnant, largely due to her abusive nature. Anyway, i would also add that i set up a direct debit as soon as he was born and a monthly payment has been made every month without fail.
She owns her own home and he lives with her. I am on the birth certificate and have parental responsibility.
i have also taken my son on holiday many times.
I can now almost hear you all reading this and wondering why on earth i feel the need to write on this forum....i appreciate that there are many other father's who are ALOT less fortunate than me......however, i do still have my own predicament.
in short, the ex has never forgiven me for not staying with her. she has an explosive temper. i've been spat at, verbally abused in public, hit.....the police have even been called.
one minute she is fine and dandy...the next she's exploding....even though we are still not together.
she regularly tells me to F**k off and such like in the sreet when i call to collect my child....even doing this in front of him.
she tells my child that "your daddy is horrible" until my child begins to cry.
she won't make arrangements....unless it suits her.....is ALWAYS late....she tells me to bring our child back at a certain time.....i am there punctual.....but she's not there......try calling her mobile...no answer....she just turns up when she likes.....if i even attempt to ask her why she didn't out of coutresy let me know....i get verbally abused in front of our child.
i can see this makes our child upset....so i most times says little/nothing as i don't want our child being exposed to such instances, nor being upset.
i can't stand the ex......but i have NEVER spoken ill of her to our child!
i have asked her to attend mediation in writing...she has refused.....she threatens me that if i take matters further legally...then she will "play the game and be awkward"......in the past i know she does this as i get "child is too illl too see you so you can't".
i try and call to speak with our child...more often thatn not the phone is not answered or switched off. i have tried to give our child a mobile phone to keep at home so we can stay in contact....but she wont let him.
i feel like i am constantly treading on egg shells not knowing if there is a huge row just around the corner....or if she will be pleasant...... all this is making me ill....i'm not relaxed.....not sleeping properly, and am aware that it is affecting me for the worse........albeit i am aware that i do at least get to see our child alot more than some other unfortunate fathers.....but it is making me ill and our child gets upset.
all i want to do is provide and be a father to our child....
i'm afraid if i try and take legal advice and involve ANY type of legal matters.....she will make false allegations or such like.....and i'll see even less of our child and she will "play the system"........
PLEASE HELP...ANY/ALL ADVISE most welcome.
It sound like you've been very patient infront of your child. That's not easy, but well done! I would encourage you to keep a written log of when & what happens, in case things get worse or you decide to apply for custody of your child. Have you considered applying for custody?
hi
i am trying my best to be patient. previously she has tried to provoke me quite badly to glean a "reaction" from me that would enable her to go to the police and/or her solicitor and use against me.......as a consequence, i make sure that i am cool as a cucumber as best possible so as not to provide her with any "bulets" figuratively speaking that is!
with regards to custody....whilst it's something i would like....my own opinion is that i can't see a judge taking the child away from the mother unless i can prove beyond reasonable doubt that she is unsuitable and/or the child is "at risk".
am i correct or not with this assumption?
Hi Trousers,
You're right about a residency order. They're hard to get, as you need to evidence that your child is at risk by living with the mother How much contact do you have with your child? You should go for a contact or even shared residency order...
... her behaviour to you is unacceptable. I would suggest that as you don't have legal representation at the moment you call the Coram Children's Legal Centre (CCLC) for some free advice and guidance. There's a link to their website at the foot of this page where you'll find their freephone number and other such information!
FM '70
hi FM '70
i currently see my child for 2 hours every wednesday teatime and i have him stay with me every other weekend (fri & sat night).
this means say i have my child stay this weekend......i then see my child the following wednesday teatime for 2 hours.....then i don't see my child for a week until the next wednesday (again, for only 2 hours), then the following friday my child stays for weekend......then the whole cycle repeats itself.
of course, if mother of child is wanting to go to her caravan, or it's one of her friends/family birthday or such like, i have to yield.
i am guessing that the access i have is probably more than alot of the chaps on this forum.........but the abuse i have to endure along with all the other messing around makes me ill. in front of me and the child, she tells the child that daddy is horrible to the point until our child is crying.......it's impossible situation.
what would a Contact or shared residency order give me that prevents this happening?
from what i've read on forums thus far....whilst there may be rules and regulations in place to deal with various matters....it appears to me that the mother can defy them at will providing that "plausable" excuses are provided anyway.
my worry is....i read alot about other fathers who the courts have given access rights to that are far inferior to what i already have......and if i involve lawyers in anyway whatsoever.......our child will end up seeing less of me now.....and the hassles will continue....but all done via lawyers........
i feel trapped in a catch 22 situation
How far away do you live from each other? Do you have a record of her abuse? Texts? Emails? Witnesses? Police reports?
The difficulty here is how to approach the court. Given that you have contact, you can't really ask for a contact order unless she has blocked access or is refusing to increase contact.
You have the option of mediation, which you can suggest as a means to resolve any animosity that exists between you, but I'm not sure whether this would be successful.
I would speak to the Coram Children's Legal Centre (CCLC) about your options. They offer free legal advice to those without legal representation. There's a link to their website at the foot of this page where you'll find a freephone number, etc.
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