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The indirect contact I am sending is being criticized or my bitter ex is saying the child has no interest in the items. But I'll be very surprised if the child is even being shown the items in the first place, Because it is a way of preventing progression. and my ex can just get on with her life with my son and her new partner and be a family together. this is very frustrating for me, I just don't know what to do.
As you say….you cannot truly know if your little one is getting to see the items or hearing any letters being read out…..this was my fear when I wasn’t seeing my little one….i sent a letter / email every week….the gifts I got I saved for the time when I’d see him….just a Matchbox car or magazine with toys…clothes etc… and all so that I knew he would know they were from me when he did get to have them.
This is the part we NRP’s cannot control….the courts and anyone else can tell the RP’s that they have to give them to the child or read letters cards etc…. to them but how can you assure this is done? Simply put you can’t…you have to rely on honesty and trust….things which if like me you can’t find in your ex!
So….keep sending letters….i’d possibly keep the main or bigger gifts back for a time when you do get to give them in person….sounds harsh but if the child isn’t getting them now then they’re not really missing out.
If your ex kicks off you can always show this in court….and show what you are trying to do with no support from the ex!
The ex’s just want to make life as difficult and frustrating for you as possible….all they’re really doing is to try and keep you under their control.
It may be worth asking the ex exactly what she feels is “suitable” and will be of interest of your little one….it may seem like you’re “pandering” around her and yes you are but if she comes up with something try it….until full contact is re-established it’s a case of biting your tongue time with the ex’s but don’t be a push over.
Hi there 🙂
It must be so frustrating for you. Was the indirect contact decided by a court as the first step in regaining contact and if so was there a Social Worker or CAFCASS involvement?
If there was you could try talking to them about your concerns, if the mother is being negative and criticising the things you are sending it sounds like she is sabotaging your efforts. They may talk to your ex about this and remind her that she needs to facilitate your contact and help the child to start forming a bond with you. If the indirect contact is court ordered then you can go back to court for Enforcement and you would probably be in a better position to argue for supervised contact then.
I don't know if it's possible, but I wonder whether the court could order that indirect contact items are to be sent to the school and then opened with the schools pastoral worker - that way your ex has no control over the matter.
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