Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
Ill keep it short but I'm just after some advice and guidance.
Been battling to see my 3 year old son since he was born, have fought in court for parental responsibility ,got a court order for access and the mother still stopped me seeing him due to illness, holidays, not being in etc so I went back after a CAFCASS report(which was very praising of my son staying over) and now have a court order for regular contact with him and for him to stay overnight every other weekend.
The past two times I've been to collect him he has refused to come with me, crying, screaming, refusing to even touch me. He has never ever been like this in the past. He loves staying overnight and normally cry's when he has to go home.
I'm convinced there is some sort of emotional abuse/blackmailing etc from his mother and this is just another route she's taking to stop me access, as the courts have warned her not to ignore the court order anymore or there will be punishment , so this is just her new way of stopping me.
The mother has absolutely no reason to stop me, the CAFCASS officer was shocked as to why this is even going this far, I Pay CSA, i don't drink or take drugs, Ive been there 100% for him, No violence, i don't even swear or raise my voice, ever.
What can I do? Is this a court matter? a CAFCASS matter? Or even social services.
Am I allowed to take him even though he's crying? Even though he's upset, surely a 3 year old cant call the shots.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Hi
Legally speaking, you have a contact order which means that your ex has to have him ready for contact. I have no doubt that she is saying something that is causing him to be upset, but if you ex doesn't stop contact, then it's not a court matter. I'm not sure what to advise here - do you speak to him on the phone? It may be a matter of giving him treats to look forward to - hopefully others pop on with some suggestions.
It is a tricky situation, due to his young age its difficult to get him to engage in a phone call, this was the case even before this happened. Thankyou for your reply though
Sorry, yes, I saw his age and then promptly forgot while I was answering 🙁
It's difficult - I don't think social services would take up the matter unless there was a welfare or safety issues, which there isn't. It sounds like it's parental alienation, which the courts in the UK don't currently recognise, though individual judges probably do realise it happens. but the problem is that at his young age, and without your ex's help (which would include her help to get him to the phone - so my previous answer is still not helpful), it is difficult to find a way through.
Anyone else got any ideas?
The first thing I would suggest is to keep a record of these incidents...you never know..
I would take my grandson (3) even when he was crying and saying he didn't want to go with me.
He was fine once we had gone round the corner so all was well in the end.
Maybe you could plan some activity for the next time he gets to stay with you. He can help to plan the
activity so he has something to look forward to when you pick him up...
I don't think this is something a court or SS would deal with but you could ask your GP for advise.
Kirsten
I agreed distraction tactics....take something that will engage him, it doesn't have to be expensive.
You could also write her a letter, or your solicitor if you have one, reminding her that if she doesn't facilitate contact by encouraging him to go with you and making it easier for him she will be in breach of the order. Request that she carries him to the car and puts him in the car seat, or walks with you for a little while with him in his pushchair. Maybe meeting you in a public place away from home might help the situation.
I'm sure with some patience and a little ingenuity it will get better....what you mustn't do is leave it too long otherwise a pattern of refusal will set in.
Good luck
I wouldn't worry, it could even be separation anxiety at that age. My daughters used to cry when their father returned them home and we certainly didn't let them call the shots.
You have a contact order which gives you the legal right to collect him. Despite the tears I would stick to the order.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.