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Hi guys,
Just really looking for some advice (actually reassurance that everything is going to be ok)
myself and my daughters mother separated over a year a go and basically it was just mutual; it wasn't working and we both weren't happy.
I had to put up with some [censored] but played the game well with her an managed to still have my daughter 3 nights a week (sat-tues) one week and 2 nights (sun-tues) the other week
Over the last few months she tried to reduce my contact because she has got a new job so because of the change she see less of Ava.
Ive calmly tried to sort things out and we made arrangements on three occasions but a week later hse decides it's not what she wants.
I went to see a solicitor just before xmas because I knew that things were really going to start to get messy. The solicitor said there was no way that a judge would reduce your time with your daughter as there was no reason to but this would have to be dealt with in mediation. I made some enquires and decided that after xmas this was going to be the way forward.
We made arrangements last year for how xmas' would be managed and we decided to alternate xmas/boxing day. (I knew this wouldn't be the same this year)
I agreed that she could take Ava for three hours on xmas day even though that wasn't the arrangement then last friday i had a letter from her solicitor with a suggested plan for xmas that I had no time to respond to. it was completely unreasonable especially after we had already made an arrangement. When I collected my daughter I explained that I was keeping to our arrangement made in 2011 for xmas because now I didn't feel that she would bring ava back if I released her but said she could collect her at 4.30 instead
this week she has waited till 15 minutes before I'm due to collect her (after catching a bus and a train!) to say that she was not letting me have Ava because she was ill
. I spoke with Ava and she sounded fine (In the past I had either paid for her mum to bring her in the car or got a taxi home with her so she was still warm.)
her mum has said she is the mum and shes not doing that today. I have called to see how she is and she's text me to say she is keeping Ava tomorrow too as she is not well. I know this is all a game and maybe a "woman scorned," I have not reacted to it but I just feel for my daughter as we have always had a close bond and relationship and feel that she now is a pawn in a battle that is completely unnecessary
I just right now feel really upset and angry....
my gf (who has been though all the court systems with ex) has said this is probably what her solicitor has suggested and I should get ready for more disappointment because this is going to keep happening until action is taken.
I just feel I need someone to jut say that I'm doing things the right way (any other advice would be appreciated too)
The crazy thing is I'm a Family Support Worker for a childrens centre and even though I know that after a year of constant routine contact there is no real reason why Ava should lose her time with me I feel really insecure as this is the first time contact has been restricted
Any feedback would be appreciated
Thanks! 🙁
Hi and welcome.
I think you are going to get a lot of useful support from your girlfriend as she's probably correct. Your ex's solicitor probably won't have suggested that your ex did this, probably simply told her that if she were to do this, then there is little you can do.
If you haven't started to do so already, keep a diary of everything that goes on, good and bad, as you want to give a full account to the courts if necessary. I agree with your solicitor that a court is extremely unlikely to reduce the level of contact you have enjoyed in the past.
Thank you for this
I was refused contact again on Sunday and have been refused contact today. I have also been told I cannot have her unsupervised on her birthday (Saturday) and she has made plans to take Ava to the theatre on Sunday so can't have her until them
I now am just so upset by this as there is no reason to punish Ava over this.
I have called and left a message at the solicitors (who open on Wednesday) and emailed them.
I just feel lost now in what to do next, Is there any point in completing a C100 form until I have spoken with a Solicitor.
Hi, how upsetting for you and your daughter. Are you getting legal aid ? or are you rich as useing a solicitor will cost you thousands, at least 8k
You can do this yourself and it will be quicker it costs £200, well I say quicker it takes 6 weeks after submitting the c100 for the first direction , they will ask if you have been to mediation then they will advise you do so and adjourn for another 10 weeks, i would send off the c100 (Im presuming you have pr ?) i would ask for a defined contact order stating everything birthdays , christmas holidays over nights, basicly every thing that you have already had, explain why she as stopped contact . Then set up mediation maybe half way between you both or her area, gives her less reason to not go. www.nfm.org.uk I found these to offer the cheapest We are paying £60 an hour , you go to mediation first tell your story they then invite her in to put her side to it, you then both get an appointment to go together, if she refuses to go , you have to get the mediator to sign a fm1 this also costs about £50. If she does go , the mediator will help you both come to an arrangement , make it clear to the mediator you wish the final outcome to be submitted to court then you can get the court to make it official, that way if she breaks the order she is in breach. Try and do the mediation before the first direction as they could deal with it then. why do you think she is scorned ? is she not happy with you moving on ? I would accept any offer of contact with your daughter its really important to keep contact, how ever unreasonable you think it is and annoying, just play her game till you go to court
I'm not entitled to legal aid but may be entitled to some legal help. I think that it would be quicker to initiate mediation myself.
I do have PR, I think she is scored for two reasons. one she tried to go back on our contact agreement for Xmas and went to a solicitor giving me no time to react to the completely unreasonable terms. two when we seperated we both agreed that if we got with another person we would give it at least 6 months before introducing that person to Ava....it's now been 7 months (My gf has done all the courts with her ex and I have to say that her support has been great....also to get a womans perspective even though there stuff we wouldn't agree on!) and I wanted to informally introduce Ava to her after her bday towards the end of Jan.
I'm supposed to have her on sunday but she is now going to the theatre (on my contact day!) so if i can get her after than that will be fine. I know that in over a year of having those times I put above she has stopped my contact. she claimed the weekend she was ill but today she completely stopped it and sunday she made plans so again has restricted contact with no reason so I know it wont look good on her part as there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't have my daughter.
I have half filled the C100, contacted the police to check my daughter is safe and well, I have emailed and left a voicemail at a mediation company and I have emailed and left a voicemail at the solicitors I contacted in December where I received an hour of free advice. I have written all this down so as today is "officially" the first time she has breached our arranged contact I can say I have one all I can today to try and put things in action (unless there is something I am missing)
thanks for your advice, I do feel that it's good to just get other people views on this. I know to a point i'm doing the right things and theres no reason why Ava's time with her dad should be stopped but all I know is it doesn't look good and I'm reacting positively an in the best interests of Ava!
I have to add, in my role I've supported cases (mums and dads) with this kind of thing but to be a parent in the situation (and knowing you've done nothing wrong) is totally stressful! 🙂
Hi there just a quick update,
well I have my first mediation meeting this Thursday, I saw a solicitor (who I saw before Xmas) who had said she was extremely shocked to see what was going on and never expected to see me again, she was great she advised me not to take her on as a solicitor at this point because my case was straight forward and the costs for a solicitor may be pointless at this stage but she game me time to chat with her which was really nice considering she gave me a free hour before xmas.
I went to the mediation centre (that the ex g's solicitor had referred to) and explained the situation and they were also great and let me book my initial appointment rather than waiting the week for the ex to see them before writing to me
So....... I'm going to see them this Thursday for an initial meeting before me and the ex meet together. What would any of you guys recommend to prepare of bring to the meeting.
I still havent seen my little one, apart form the 45 minutes at her mums house last week as I've been told that's the only way I can see her at the moment.
her birthday presents are still wrapped up at my house as I wasn't allowed to see her on her bday..... but everything seems to be moving forward so it feels like a positive day!
so what do I do next?!?! 🙂
thank again guys
not been to mediation myself - you could give them a ring and ask them if you need to bring anything.
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