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hi guys just looking for some advice
My daughter Raya is now a year old on the 13th may. i split up with her mother before we kne she was pregnant. when we found out we tried to make a go of it but t still didnt work out. i was still seeing my girl and everything was fine. Then i got a new girlfriend and things turned sour. my ex didnt like my new girlfriend and started to take it out on me with my daughter. i was never bad to my ex or my daughter and saw her every other day. i was round my ex's one day seeing my daughter and we had a little disagreement. then her and her mum came into the room i was in with my daughter and started screaming and shouting at me. Usually i would of argued back but i just bit my tounge and walked out. i decided to take things to court as i wasnt happy with the situation and felt it best for my daughter that i see her on my own. she wouldnt have none of it. i started court proceedings and it got to the mediation stage and she didnt want it to happen, and really neither did i so i backed down and we came to the agreement that i could see her a few times with my ex thier without her mother and then i could do my own thing.
its now been 3-4 months since that agreement and i have been seeing my daughter at her flat for that time. i asked the other day to be able to take my daughter who is now a year old just to the park or the beach for an hour or 2 on my own and she wouldnt let me. she now hasnt stuck to her agreement and still wants to be thier. i have never done anything bad to warrant me not being able to have my daughter on her own. i could understand the situation if my ex was extremely protective of our daughter but shes not. she goes out every weekend drinking and into clubs (which i hardly ever do) and she is either left with my ex's mum or my ex's father. its now got to the point where im extremely upset and fed up with being told how, when and where to see my daughter. she is allowed to stay with her grandparents overnight but her own father cant even take her to the park for 2 hours. i love my daughter to bits and its brought me to tears a few times now. i dont know what to do or how to go about it. i dont want to get mad for my daughters sake and i know that will get me no where. my family has tried to make her see reason and so has her family (i think). i really dont want to have to go to court about it as i know what hurt it causes (my mum and dad had a nasty divorce and stuff wen i was 13) and i dont want my daughter to have to go thru that. even tho she is a year old i know it will still haunt her when shes older. im at the end of my tether and the only option i can see is going for joint custody at court so i get to see my daughter alone and be able to bond with her properly without my ex thier getting in my face. ive tried to be so cooperative with her and its gotten me nowhere. if i was to go for joint custody what chances would i have? im 23, ive allways been good with kids and babies ( can get countless character references for this) i basically brought up my 2 younger brothers. i have paid her money wen i can ( im self employed and dont have much work at the moment) ive allways brought her christmas presents and stuff like that. im on the birth certificate and she has my last name. i was thier for the birth (even tho we wasnt together). i got in a bit of trouble wen i was 18 but have kept out of trouble since i was 18 so thats like 5 years now. it was just for fighting and thefts and stuff like that and i deeply regret it. i have a nice house that i rent with my girlfriend which also has a spare bedroom that could be for my daughter. my girlfriend who lives with me is extrememly nice and has a good job and gets on with whoever she meets (except my ex). i dont have no drink or drugs problems and have never been arrested for that. im guessing the reason shes being like this is because of my girlfriend who said something to her a few months ago while she was out, about how i shuld be able to do things with my dauther. my ex has not liked her since that. what ever happened between them 2 has nothing to do with me and my daughter and shuld not get in the way of us.
i do not want to have to do it this way but i see no other option. please help me
thanks v much
rhys jones
Hi Rhys
I think it would be good if we get one of our leagl experts to give you some advice on your rights etc and then you can decide if you want to go down that route.
I can see why, after your experiances at 13, you might not want to take things to court, but it might be your best option.
I'll contact our legal expert and get them to reply.
DADTALK
thank you very much. i dont want to have to do that but theres nothing else i can do. she doesnt want to listen to anything ive got to say and is allways right.
Dear Rhys,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
At present you daughter’s mother is able to control all contact, as your daughter lives with her, which means that she is able to refuse to allow you to see your daughter alone, she can change the times or days of contact and is even able to stop contact completely. Your ex partner should be reasonable about the restrictions she does put on contact, however at this time she does have the final say on what will happen.
The agreement made in mediation is not legally binding, but if this matter goes to court it can be looked at by the judge. As mediation has been unsuccessful the only other option you would have would be to make an application to court.
As your daughter’s father you are able to make applications to court regarding her without the consent of anyone else. In this situation you could apply for contact or residence/ joint residence. Contact is where the court decides what days and times you see your daughter but your daughter continues to live with her mother and this is binding so you ex partner can not change this without breaching the order. Residence is where the court choose who the child is to live with, and joint residence is to apply for your daughter to live with both of you for set periods of time (not necessarily 50/50, the amounts of time the child spends with each parent is for the judge to decide).
You are able to make these applications to court yourself or using a solicitor, whichever you feel more comfortable with. To make the application for any of the above orders yourself you should download forms C100, CB1 and CB3 from www.hmcs.gov.uk . The C100 form is the application itself and you will have to state which of the above orders you are applying for. The CB1 and CB3 offer guidance and advice on completing the C100, filing this at court and the court process. There is a filing fee of £175 filing your application at court.
There is further information on representing yourself, known as acting as a ‘Litigant in Person’ on www.elc.org.uk . This is an environmental law website but if you go to the law section and select the UK court system from the options on the left hand side, then select ‘Litigants in Person’.
If you choose to use a solicitor to make these applications, you can find a solicitor who deals with child law on www.lawsociety.org.uk . Depending on your situation you may be able to gain Public Funding (Legal Aid) in order to make this application.
The court process can take several hearings by the court and can take some time. The judge will hear all your arguments and anything the mother has to say. The court would then make a decision based on what they believe to be in your daughter’s best interests. Any court order put in place is legally binding and the court can penalise the mother if she breaches this.
There is a general presumption that contact with both parents is best for the child and it is quite rare that some form of contact is not given. The judge would decide based on your individual circumstances whether or not joint residence was appropriate.
We hope this information has been useful to you. There is a lot of information available on our website regarding contact and residence and these leaflets are free to download. Our website address is www.childrenslegalcentre.com and these leaflets can be found under the Legal Advice/ Child Law section.
Should you have any further queries you can also call our Child Law Advice Line on 0845 120 2948.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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