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Hi All,
Would appreciate a second opinion. I have a son who was born at the end of 2010. I am divorced and all matters in that divorce were dealt with quickly.
My ex-wife and son between 2010 and January 2013 lived in Southampton and I live in Plymouth. I have paid child maintenance every month without fail.
When he was small I did have limited access and traveled to Southampton to achieve this, the statement of arrangements is very vague and I have managed to have overnight contact during 2011/12 both at my uncle's home in Portsmouth and also bringing my son to Plymouth to stay with me in my house. At all times I have done all of the travelling to ensure that the contact works.
My-ex met a new guy last year. In January she emailed me to say that she was moving to Bedfordshire to live with him, she moved in February. My ex has now told me that I can no longer have my son overnight and if I want to see him I should be prepared to travel. I don't drive and made the trip to see him once so far. The logistics and expense (rail) of travelling to Luton from Plymouth and back in a single day for only 6 hours with my son is not really realistic. Hanging around a town centre with no base for play/lunch/nap/dinner is no good and in my opinion is not quality time, quite apart from this he now has no contact at all with his wider paternal family.
I have tried to keep things amicable but since her new guy came on the scene she has withdrawn completely, she has not become rude or nasty but just very difficult, Skype/telephone calls with my son have stopped as she says they are too intrusive on her life.
When she moved I suggested -
Option 1 Regular Short Contact
1 weekend a month, 2-3 overnight - meet halfway between Plymouth and Bedfordshire
Option 2 Less Regular Long Contact
Entire week out of every six. I will collect from Beds.
She has ruled out both. Mediation is on Tuesday, I dont know if anybody can give me some advice, am I being reasonable? How should I play the mediation if she refuses to compromise? Don't really want to go to court but will if necessary.
Cheers
Jigs
Hi and welcome.
I think you are being very reasonable in what you suggest. The courts wouldn't prevent her from moving for a genuine reason, which is the case here, but I think they would certainly expect her to make suitable arrangements regarding contact. See how mediation goes, and have a minimum position that you will accept, but try for more. Ultimately, if you can't agree on a reasonable level of contact, then court is the option you have and generally courts don't like to see the level of contact reduced unless there is a good reason (which there isn't) so I would expect that the court would look very favourably on at least one of your options.
Have a read of the guides to representing yourself at the top of the legal eagle section, so you know what is involved, and make sure your ex is aware that you are prepared to follow this up in court, it might just make her think more carefully about what she is doing.
Thanks - Appreciate your comments. I would say that I did not expect to ever prevent her moving (at least in the uk) but by moving she at least needed to consider how it effected the contact arrangements a bit more.
Always concerned that perhaps I was a little too agreeable to our statement of arrangements but I guess its the price to be paid for trying to keep things as amicable as possible.
Glad I found this site!!
Cheers!
Well unfortunately the mediation did not work for me. Despite offering a range of alternative options for overnight contact my ex refused to compromise, make arrangements or negotiate in any way.
Her reasons for stopping contact are the'negative effect on his behavior' - 'he is not himself'. I struggle to actually understand what that means but without her detailing it I doubt I ever will (he is not like that with me).
Will be making my application for contact order over the next few days - plan to represent myself but unsure how I will counter her above claims - any advice?
The fact that you have been in your sons life and have a relationship with him should be enough. The courts always consider that it is in children's best interests to have both parents involved in their lives and generally when there is larger distances between the non resident parent and child it is accepted that overnight stays should be part of the contact package.
You should also ask for alternate Christmas and birthdays and a fortnight during the summer holidays, plus extra at Easter. It would be worthwhile to ask to be allowed to take him abroad for holidays in the future. Having all of this defined in the order just means that you will not need to return to court to have the order varied in the future!
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