[Solved] Last Attempt..!!

Oh Hartley...so near and yet so far :boohoo:

I think you have no option but to start the ball rolling and go for the more formal Contact Order. As far as the emotional wellbeing group is concerned, as you have agreed to it at mediation, I would do it. Then it cant be used against you in Court. It just proves that you are prepared to do anything for your daughter.

Have a look at the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section, Contact Order C100 Guide, this is the form you will need to apply for contact, the other is Representing yourself in Court both have lots of good information. I dont know wether you would want to go down the route of representing yourself, but its worth giving it some serious thought.

I would advise you to start keeping a Diary of everything that involves your daughter, things that are said by your ex, arrangements that are made and broken, in fact everything. Dont delete any txts or emails....this will be helpful to you in court.

You could start a keepsake box for your little girl and put in it little cards, photos and thoughts that you would like to share with her....then one day when she's older you can give it to her and when she reads it all she will know just how much you loved her right from the start! It will help you get through this time without her too....

Good luck with it all. 🙂

I haven't heard of an emotional wellbeing course before. One thing you could consider is to say that you believe that your ex is putting unecessary obstacles in the way of contact, but if necessary, you are prepared to attend the course - it shows that you are amenable to negotiation and could well be cheaper than extended mediation or court.

Oh Hartley...so near and yet so far :boohoo:

I dont think you have any choice but to get the ball rolling and apply for contact through the courts. As far as the emotional well being group is concerned, I would still attend as it was agreed at mediation and you dont want her throwing it back at you in court. It proves that you are prepared to do anything for your little girl.

Have a look at the two stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section, one is Contact Order C100 Guide which is the form you would use to apply dor contact, the other is about Representing yourself at Court...both have some useful information and are well worth a read.

I would advise you to start a diary and keep a record of absolutely everything concerning your little girl, dont delete any txts or emails from your ex and make a note of things like arrangements made and broken, things that are said etc.

It might be a good idea to get a keepsake box and put in it pretty little cards, photos and any thoughts that you would like to share with your little girl. Its something you could give her when she's older and she would know that she was loved so much right from the start. It would help you during this time without her too...

...Ignore the second identical post....dont know how that happened!!!!! :silly: I thought the first one got deleted so I did it all over again only to see that the first one was here....senior moment! 😆

I moved it out of 'ask the moderators' into the legal eagle section - must have happened at pretty much the exact time you posted, so I moved your post to where it should have been, but presumably after you had re-posted here. All very confusing, but all where it should be now. I hope.

Many thanks for the swift reply,

I didn't agree in mediaition to go.

Isn't the emotional well being almost an act of conceeding guilt..?!?? That you have an a agression problem and need to talk about it?!?! I don't know how this all works. I went to the doctors about 3-4mths ago becuase we were going through a stressful time, new baby, new job etc...and admitidly I was a 'little' snappy. However the ex told me to go to as part of 1) It helping us and b) coz it might do me good. Equally she even suggested if they offer my anti-depressants or something like that, I should take them?!?!? I mean I don't need'em...Looking back now did she actually want me to go take them proving I needed help or something...I don't know?!?

I've read none of the report from the mediator can be used later in court, unless we both approve, which she ain't gunna. 🙁

I sort legal advice the other day (as a back up) but I really wanted mediation to work. So I'll pay, whatever it takes.

Just feel I ain't ever goin see my daughter again, I've read some horror stories of guys only being able to have contact once or twice a month!!! Just feel lost at the min...
N

...I've just googled emotional well being groups and cant find anything that applies!

If you feel strongly about this then I would do as actd suggests and say it is being used as an unecassary obstacle to contact.

I think you are right about the mediation being confidential and cant be used in court, unless agreed by you both...but you can say that you attended and came to an agreement which was immediately broken. The court will ask if mediation has been attempted, they may even direct you both to go back to it and try again.

Try not to get too upset N. Now is not the time to slip into depression, it wont help.... Theres nothing she'd like more than to see you crumble, just dont give her that opportunity!

Call your mediator on monday and see what he /she says, do you think it would be worth asking her back again?

I agree completely with everything you kindly advised...Thank you. I will use the 'obstacle' as a point to put across.

It's hard not to get upset when all you think about 24hrs a day (which seem like forever) is having a relationship with your daughter. And all sorts of things enter your head...will I ever see her again...will she recognise me...forget me?!?!

The emotional well being was recommended by the doctors...(Staffordshire way). I think when I contact mediation Monday they will try and contact her and ask us both back, which of course I'll do...I mean I'll do anything for my daughter to have the shared parent she deserves. I's dress up in a clowns suit and dance through town 🙂

One last question...Do you know why some guys get only a few hours a month?

Genuine thanks
N

...I'm not too sure about that...there are probably a number of reasons. It could be down to the judge's attitude or even their gender! My sons judge was a man and he was great! There could be issues in the Dads past, maybe a criminal record or even a caution....an unfavourable CAFCASS report, unsuitable accomodation, lack of actual contact with the child before applying to court for contact...The age of the child, if its a young baby the contact might be shorter to take into account the babies routine as in feeding and sleeping.. I'm just guessing at the reasons N....

Hi, there’s lots of reason why people only see their children a few hours a month, ours is the distance, but every case is heard on its own merit.
If you have attended mediation and she agreed to some contact then it didn’t happen this will go in your favour as the courts really want you to sort it out yourself, but you can prove you have been by getting the mediator to sign a fm1 form this will probably cost you again (£35/£50 approx) but you will need to send this form with your c100. Make sure you explain in section 7 (you can do this on a separate piece of paper as the section on the form is small) stick to facts don’t waffle or be horrid about her ) that you attended mediation and what was agreed and then it didn’t happen, you have to then put what you want as in the way of contact, then also put on there in the interim if (ex Name) does not agree to the above contact please could I ask the court to grant me some contact, also state you are willing to go back to mediation but you would like any agreement put on a defined contact order due to your ex changing her mind. I wouldn’t go through a solicitor as you can do it your self, it will cost you £200 to go to court also if you go through a solicitor it takes a lot longer
Don’t delay as it can take 4/6 weeks for the first court date this is called a direction, its a quick 15 minute meeting.

Thank you ak57,

The point the ex was trying to make yesterday was 'she' never agreed, it was rushed towards and left open and if nothings agreed nothings broken. I have to be honest as much as this is killing me, I want to sort it amicably before solictors but equally feel I'm getting nowhere seeing my baby.

Is it favourable (in the eyes of the court) to do what you say off your own back, rather than instruct a solicitor? I also read about writing to her first asking for contact. But again is this just avoiding the envitable?

I'm guessing you apply for the interim order now...Then wait to hear for back for the hearing date, at which stage the courts say yes or no?

Oh one other thing, you say I can prove I went and so can she, but the content of that agreement (via the mediators report) isn't available unless the ex agrees it can be disclosed.

Sorry for all the questions, I just don't understand how we agreed access was and a timeframe then I have to agree to 'Emotional wellbeing classes' because she thinks my behaviour is agressive? All I want for my daughter is for her to have a relationship with me.

Thanks for your help!

Hi Hartley,

Blokes just get a couple of hours because the courts err on the side of caution. How old is your daughter, apologies if youve posted this and ive missed it.

You already havent seen your daughter for 2 months. You submit a court application tomorrow and it could be 6 - 8 weeks for your first hearing. Your ex is going to respond in 1 of 2 ways.

1) it will make her let you have contact
2) she will dig her heels in and stick to the story of the agressive ex who needs help.

If she goes for the second, her solicitor is going to roll up in court and say look judge theres a bloke here who is agressive and who hasnt seen his child for 4 months, my client is apprehensive when around him because of his emotional outbursts, and the effect this has on their daughter. However she believes contact is important where safe and to that end went to mediation. They agreed that at mediation contact needed to be small to start off with and increase slowly. However because of his "problems" my client wanted him to go to X group to help him so that contact can be safe for her and their daughter and to show that he takes this seriously. However he has refused, rather than look to try and resolve matters he discontinued mediation and came straight to court. This is my clients concern, whenever he doesnt immediately get his own way, he wont co-operate and throws his toys out of his pram. He is a bully sir, who only wants things his own way rather than try and work with my client. My client is only willing to agree to supervised contact at a contact centre.

THe judge is then in a difficult position, he either believes her or not, but either way becuase concerns have been raised, he cant just order contact. He then either orders a CAFCASS report, or sends you off for a PIP and back to mediation. Your now stuck, when people say well why dont you just go to these classes, because they are helpful and you refuse youre difficult and look like a controlling muppet. If you do agree why didnt you at mediation.

You are only going to get whatever contact mum agrees to whilst waiting for a CAFCASS report which can take 3 - 6 months. By this time, youve hardly had any relationship with your daughter for 6 - 12 months and then the whole take it slow because they have to be reintroduced comes in .

Its [censored]. Id advise jumping through the hoops your ex gives you at mediation.

Many thanks Tony very informative and from what your saying it could well be the case I conform to her requests...

My daughter is nearly 9mths old and I've been with her while she was in her tummy, cutting the cord and bonding with her for 6 1/2 mths, then since 20th Sep, I've seen her 6hrs one Sat, 5hrs the next 4hrs one of which I could take her off on my own for 1hr, then 1hr last weekend unsupervised. The ex agreed to access and hasn't actually point blank refused it.

I agreed to build up a time and access few but frequent, however I just don't trust her to move the goal posts the next time.

Your explanation from the other sols perspective is interesting, but doesn't she have to prove this accusation? And...heres a curve ball...SHE has hit me..!! I never reported of said anything...I'm a man!!

Plus...and...I don't want to admit it...but I'm finding these allegations and obviously not seeing my daughter have effected me in the last 12mths dramatically, emotionally and physically. Leagally is there something I can enforce and prevent her from saying anymore lies? What about Slander etc...I know this could fuel the fire but how can I carry on with her calling all the shots? I've been reading the papers and they say a change in the law is coming?!?! Can you confirm???

I genuienly appriecate your help and support.
N

Unforunately no she doesnt have to prove the allegation.

Its not a serious enough allegation to result in no contact, but is enough of a one to make her "uncomfortable" dealing with you, and the court will want to resolve that. IME the court want to get the mother to agree to contact rather than force contact on her, and so if seding you off for PIPS, and a short group meeting would do that they would want to know why you werent doing so.

You dont have to conceed you are agressive. You can say that yes the time has been stressful, that you dont believe you have behaved agressively to your ex, but if she has perceived your actions in that way you are keen to change the interactions between you so that going forward you can deal with each other in a positive manner. You are therefore willing to attend the classes to "set your exs mind at rest".

Im in Stoke-on-Trent, and I have to say that there are "emotional wellbeing" classes around here, but they all seem to be more depression and anxiety based rather than agression based, so Im not sure what your ex is suggesting you attend.

The change in the law in my opinion will do nothing. The law we have is perfectly adequate, the problem is the judges interpretation of it, and also the complete lack of enforcement when the parent with care breaks the contact orders.

Many thanks Tony.

I think what you're saying is do the session and it will satisfy her and I'll get see my baby...I'll give it a go.

Hi
could you ask to bring the next mediation appointment forward ? At this meeting ask her exactly what she means about you being agressive, To be honest its just her way of being in control of you with the baby, women will try all sorts, even a text will be you harrasing her. If she offers you an hour take it, take anything as long as you can keep contact till you sort it. The mediator can sign the fm1 they dont need to disclose what you said, it just states that you have been, and its already been pointed out you may have to take it to court. we have just sent our c100 and have the first hearing , it only took 5 weeks. I thought the mum would stop ascess but she asnt. If the court think theres any risk, you can see the child at a contact centre for a while. Try to change your meeting asap

I think its easy to think court will hold the answers and give you fair contact - unfortuantely it doesnt always work like that!

Its also difficult because it might well be the case that you jump through 1 hoop and then your ex sets another.

Thats why I actually think mediation is the key here. You need to get the ex to state clearly and fully what her reservations are so that you know what you are dealing with and can work stratergies to dispell them - whether direct to the ex or in court.

For example you now know the ex will be painting you as agressive. The answer is to keep all correspondence with her in writing or record (and tell her you are recording) the phone calls - state this is too avoid misunderstandings, and to give both parties clarity on exactly what was said. You could record the phone conversation and then even helpfully email her a recording of it. ALl correspondence with her you now keep buiness like and factual - no accusations, no shouting, no arguing with her - if a point is becoming laboured say youll have to agree to disagree.

It might well be worth asking the ex what group she is on about, look into it see what it does, you could attend and if its a group session maybe the leader could after 3/4 sessions write you a letter saying you have attended, and that there is no need for further attendence - this dispells her argument.

Id also at the next mediation session, ask her for her concerns about you as a parent. Let her list what she feels is wrong with you. Ask her how you could set her mind at ease. Hopefully shell just come up with nothing else other than your "agression", however she might say you werent involved, she might say you dont know how to look after a child.

Youve dispelled the agression because youve attended the group SHE suggested and theyve said you dont need to go anymore. You enrol on a parenting class to dispell that "problem"

If she then puts another hoop in your way, see what it is - it might be workable to do you migh decide to go to court. HOWEVER if she never raised it in the mediation meeting, and she just springs it on you after youve already done what she was worried about - its a pattern, its a pattern you can say in court she is doing to put obstacles in the way. You are then in a stronger position to say shes making it up.

Always take whatever contact she offers - keep a diary of what contact you have and also what "care" you do during this contact time. e.g feeds, nappy changes, naps etc.

Whats happening with your contact at the moment following mediation? What contact are you having and what happens during this contact?