[Solved] leaving my partner access / custordy of children

Hi my first question is are you on your Daughters birth certificate and have you parental responsibility for your step son ?

...Is there no way of getting your relationship back on track? Have you talked about how you're feeling to your partner, does she know how close to leaving you are? Have you thought about going to Relate as a couple for help?

There are no easy answers to your questions, you have said yourself that if you leave theres a real chance that the childrens quality of life will decline...but if you can take no more then this a risk you have to take.

Regardless that you are not the biological father of the oldest child, you still have rights. There is a member here that is going through the court process as a non bio father at the moment....Babyreecesdaddy. You can get Parental Responsibility for your son, and if the mother doesnt want him to know any different then she shouldn't stand in your way.

As far as custody is concerned, or Residency as it's now called, there would have to be a serious risk to the children. With this kind of borderline neglect its more likely the mother would be helped but the children left in her care.

Contact is a different matter, and it would be hoped that the mother will allow you to have regular contact....if shes more interested in her computer than looking after her house and children, the likelihood is she wont put up too much of a fight or deny access to you...but again this is a suck it and see situation. The only way to know for sure, is to leave and then deal with the consequences as they arise.

If you find that you are denied access to your children then there is a process that you can go through. This starts with Mediation usually, and if that fails then you can apply to the court for a Contact Order and Parental Responsibility for your son. Hopefully this wont be neccessary and you can sort it out between yourselves.

If after you leave you have serious concerns about the children then you can contact Childrens Services, and for the younger child your Health Visitor as well. Try and keep in touch with the school, and ask for updates about attendance and any changes in behaviour or appearance etc, this is a good indicator of how things are at home.

Best of luck with it all, we are here if you need support or advice 🙂

hi im on my daughters birth certificate but only thing that has been done on my step sons side is his name changed to match mine

How was his name changed? Is this something his biological father agreed to? The reason far asking this is that if so, it makes your case a little stronger, though it's still not ideal. You could leave and take the children with you and immediately apply for a residence order, as long as you can show that you are able to provide for them, but you do take a real risk that a court would not agree and you could find the situation reversed.

unfortunatly his name was cangrd without the bio farthers consent as he has never seen or met my boy 🙁 im scared to just take them and run as i dread the outcome and morally seems wrong

You could try relate to see is there is anyway to pull the relationship back, otherwise you are looking at coming to an agreement, either between yourselves or using mediation if at all possible.

So a quick update and things getting worse i left my partners due to things becoming both unfair around my children and having no place to go resided in my van for a couple of nights until a friend found out and offered me some where to stay.... (friend is female unfortunately ) and have consequently been accused of all sorts my partner has been unruly towards both of us and as made threats to both of us also telling me that if im with that person then i will not see my children other than at her house due to other threats i will have to be leaving the area and now dont know where i stand as to how i will see my children. Due to running my own business it will be hard to leave the area to just go anywhere and have to go where work has been offered by a friend leaving me hundreds of miles from here i cant drive 4 hours each way to see them for a couple of hours but ave been told there is no way i would be seeing them any ware other than at my partners house.

Can anyone offer any help/advice im pulling my hair out and drawing blanks the last thing i want is to involve solicitors and courts as it is not write to put the children through that

And with the torrent of abuse and threats it will only make things worse it seems people that she hasent spoken to or bothered with her for months some years have come out of the woodwork to stir her up and cause hassle with there well meaning help and advice

Im sorry this started as a update and has seemed ot end up with me sounding off i just dont know where or witch way to turn i swore i would never be one of those dads that just walked away and i swear now i wont but it is getting harder and harder to be amicable with things the way they are

Court is the last resort but sometimes there is no choice, and it seems to me from what you are saying that it's fast coming to that point.

You could as has been suggested, try Mediation but apart from that or Relate your options are limited.

I think by staying with a female, whether shes only a friend or not, was bound to inflame the situation and make her behaviour towards you worse. Perhaps a bit of space and a little time might allow the situation to settle down. 🙂