Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all,
My partner and i split prior to the birth of my baby girl who is now 7 months. I was there at the birth and stayed over at her house for the first few weeks to help with night feeds etc as she had C section.
After a month - 6 weeks or so I started to have baby 24 hrs at weekends. Tuesdays and thursdays, my mother would pick up baby while I was at work and I would take her back for 7pm. (I have parental rights by the way)
The trouble is that due to the changing routine as she has got older, the 7pm has turned into 6.30, into 6pm and now she is saying she has to be back for 5.45pm. Because I work this will mean me not being able to see her.
I have suggested that I drop one night but one day in the week i have her over night so that I can do the bath bottle and bed routine and also reduce the travelling between houses (only a few miles). She has said no to this and suggested I finish work early which is something i cant do.
As a side note the ex is a real pain in the [censored] with depression and mental illness which leads to her not thinking clearly or considering things with an objective view point and am not able to pursue my point with her because it will get her back up and turn into a row.
If I went to court, what likely contact could I expect? I have heard from less than i get now to shared access. Not very helpful!
Cheers
Mark
Hi Mark 🙂
It's great that you have been able to negotiate regular time with your little girl, and it gives you a good basis to work from.
I would suggest that you attempt to sort the differences out with Mediation. It's always the better option to try and work through any issues without resorting to court, as this can put such strain on your relationship with the mother. Court would always want to see that you have both tried to sort your problems out informally, and court should always be the very last resort. Here's a link to the mediation service, they do charge but if you are on benefits or a low income you will be entitled to legal aid to cover the costs.
www.nfm.org.uk
Here's a link to the legal aid calculator, you can input your details and it will tell you if you could be entitled to help with the charges
www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid
With regards to your question about the amount of contact you might expect from a court judgement, thats not easy to predict. As your child is still quite young it might be 2-3 visits per week of short duration but increasing as she gets older and more independent. The average is a full weekend every fortnight plus weekly contact mid week, plus extra time in the holidays, shared christmases and birthdays. But as I say this can vary quite a lot. It seems to me that you are getting to see her a fair amount but this shouldn't really be reduced, that's the bottom line really isn't it....Courts don't generally reduce contact visits that are established and regular.
...having re read your post I really can't see how keeping her until 7pm would be disruptive! If she won't budge perhaps you could suggest that you bring her back earlier but be allowed to stay on at the mothers house until 7pm so that her routine of seeing you isn't affected.
You have had regular contact with your daughter for 7 months and it is in her best interests that this continues as its the routine she is used to. The bond you have established with her will be strong and she is already a little person with a personality at 7 months. It's really all about what is best for the child and in this instance consistency and routine is key. This is the stance I would take in your negotiations.
Good luck!
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
