Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
I'm wondering if anyone can give me some advice, quick background is that I have been seperated for over 2yrs now and have 2 children (4yrs & 2yrs). For the last 2 yrs I have been paying my ex £650 a month, agreed between ourselves, but over the last year she keeps asking for more and asking me to buy more and more things for children or her house. At first I didn't mind buying a couple of these things but I was getting overtime where as now the overtime has all been cancelled.
She keeps asking me for 3 things at the moment, a bed for the 2yr old, a coat for the 4yr old and money for the 4yr old's party in a couple of months. She thinks none of these things should come out of the maintenance. I believe they should and she told that she was gonna work out a new payment so it would include these things, then threw in that she could claim Spousal Maintenance if she wanted as well.
Told her maybe she should go through the csa if she thought she should get more, got a text about an hour later claiming that if I didn't want to buy the extra things then she would get a job and buy them but I would have to pay for child care.......I have my children for 2nights each week, but days change as I work shifts.
Well I spoke to Child Maintenance Options earlier and was informed that if I went through csa then I would only pay £91 a week and nothing else for the children. Was also told I could go to them myself.
I agreed to the £650 when we first split as I saw a solicitor and she told me that with child & spousal maintenance she could get up to £750 per month. Situation was very different then as I didn't have my own place and was just crashing at a mates. I do not know what I would have to pay if she went for spousal maintenance now but surely they can't make me pay more if I don't have it already.........
Just wondering if anyone has been down this route or have any advice with any of this situation that I'm in at present. I have been looking into a divorce in the last month or at least see a solicitor about everything but don't have the money to follow this through at the moment.
Hi Mads
Firstly a warm welcome to Dadtalk. I hope you are going to find it helpful. I am sorry to hear about this situation, it sounds as if you are going through a particularly worrying time financially.
I haven't been through a situation like this but I hope that there are other dads who can comment on your situation. I will however pass on your questions to our legal team for their input.
My understanding of maintenance for a spouse is that it depends principally on the potential recipient's needs, own income and ability to earn income. There are no set formulas and the amount payable depends on the payer's net income, among other factors.
I hope this helps a little but do watch out for our legal team's response.
I don't know much about spousal maintenance as my own divorce was a clean break agreement, but certainly one of the factors is whether your (future) ex is able to support herself. If she has said she will get a job, then if you have evidence of this, keep it as your solicitor will certainly be able to use this information - but I don't know what affect the childcare would have as I would have thought that some of this at least would come under the child support calculation. Perhaps, though, you could agree with your ex that she buys some of the essentials and you could take your children shopping and buy them some of their clothes - would be a nice treat for them.
Thanks for your advice guys, thought I would give you an update as I have spoke to my ex this morning and we have come to an agreement about the money. We are going to get it in writing as well, but we have broken it down between child maintenance, spousal maintenance and help with child care till the youngest starts school. Also she has agreed that this will be the only money she recieves from myself and will stop asking for more.
Hopefully things will get easier now..........
Well done 😀
Much better to get an agreement if you can rather than going through CSA and courts if at all possible. I assume that the child maintenance element is in line with what the CSA would have demanded - assuming so, then if she decided to go through them, she wouldn't get any more from you.
Hi Mads,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
It is correct that the maintenance that you are paying is the only amount that you are required to pay, and your ex partner has no right to work out a new arrangement for maintenance unless you agree to this. You are required to pay no more than the amount already agreed.
Also as the amount agreed is literally an agreement and not a court order, you do have the right to reduce this, at which point your ex partner would have to go through the CSA if she was unhappy, but as you are aware this would result in you paying considerably less.
If you wish to buy these additional things for your children then this is your choice, but you are not required to do so as you correctly stated this should be coming from your maintenance payments.
With regards to spousal maintenance, as you are not yet divorced the mother could claim this, however the court also look at a ‘clean break’ ruling where possible, meaning that they prefer to finalise the financial situation so that neither spouse is dependant on the other as much as possible. There is the possibility of her being granted periodical payments but this would depend on the situation and the fact that you are paying above average in maintenance and have been separated for sometime without the mother requiring such support would be considered.
It is advisable that you speak with a family law solicitor regarding the financial situation that would be considered should either of you decide to file for divorce, as this is very dependant on your individual situation and ‘needs’ rather than one party wanting more than the other. The court would also consider what you can reasonably be expected to provide given your financial situation and do not like to leave one party unable to meet their own needs.
You can find solicitors in your local area using the Law Society’s ‘find a solicitor’ tool, http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/choosingan ... icitor.law who will be able to advise you better on the financial aspects, without making an application for divorce if you do not wish to do so.
We hope this information is useful to you, should you require further advice on child law matters please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.