Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi everyone,
I have a shared residency order and a contact order in place, my son basically spends half the time with me and the other half with her, this only happened 15 months ago, before then he was with me every night. I took her to court to get her to take responsibility for our son and originally went for full custody then decided that shared would be best. i approached mediation at this point to see what could be done for my son as he was very confused and angry, as his mum had showed him the first solicitors letter that i sent her, he had just turned 10 then. Mediation were not particularly interested in my sons well being but wanted to get me and my ex to come to a joint meeting, i thought about it long and hard but after the way i was treated at cafcass (as in not being allowed to talk and respond to questions and my fiancee having a hand shoved in her face as in she wasn't allowed to talk) and listening to my exes lies, which everyone seems to believe, it seemed a pointless route and another thing that i would have to pay out for and she wouldn't.
Currently my ex wants to take me back to court (although my son catergorically states he does not want this) for specific timings and special occasion arrangements on the contact order but wants me to have an appt with her at mediation. Myself and my fiancee have offered on numerous occasions previously to meet up with her and try to sort the bad feelings out and all we got were abusive texts for hours on end.
My point is that now it looks like she has instigated mediation and is the willing party and we are made out to look bad by not doing it. Even if we did go to mediation and come to an agreement for timings and special occasions, she would only stick to them if it suited her as she broke the contact order at xmas and i am supposed to have phone contact with my son at a specific time that is written in the order but it very rarely happens.
Any advice on what i should do for the best? and any opinions on mediation?
Thanks
Hi Fedup,
I don't have any advice, but here are my various thoughts...
I guess its up to your ex if she wants to go back to court - but I think it is up to take into consideration that your son categorically didn't want to do this.
From what I've seen in other posts I have got the idea that could would like to see that you both attempt to agree things via mediation. I have caught the idea is that if those agreements fail then court can be used as a way for you to both come to an agreement.
Anyway, I agree that it could look bad if you don't attempt mediation with your ex (especially that she is initiating it).
From what you've written on the forum I assume you will not be intentionally breaking agreements. This leads me to wonder whether by making an agreement in mediation - maybe she will not need to go to court.
You said your son didn't want your ex to go to court. Does he want some of the specific timings and 'special occasion' arrangements sorted out? If he does, then maybe mediation is well worth considering.
I have asked the legal experts to see what advice they can give around your question. It will take them a couple of days to reply.
Dear fedup
It will always be beneficial to attend mediation prior to any court action. Children’s Legal Centre will always advise that a party attends mediation even if they feel that it will not be successful. As you rightly point out, it will be viewed by the court as a willingness to make an agreement outside of the court and therefore will count in your favour.
If you choose not to attend mediation then the court can view this as an unwillingness to cooperate. It is always beneficial to remember that if you are not happy with what your ex-partner is asking for in the mediation then you do not have to agree.
Your ex-partner should be following the order as it states and this includes holidays and telephone contact as set out in the order. If she is not following the order as she should be and this is ongoing then you can take the matter back to court for enforcement.
There are penalties for breach of a contact order which can range from unpaid work and fines all the way up to changing the residence arrangements and imprisonment. Breach of a court order is something that the court takes seriously.
If you feel that you need further advice in relation to this issue then please call the Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008.
Kind regards
Children’s Legal Centre
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
