[Solved] Meeting me halfway....or not

Hi Shaun,

Sorry to hear about your predicament! I've heard worse incredibly!

If you have a court order that directs what contact you have, it isn't a matter (generally) for the courts to impose how the order is followed. In this situation you could have 2 options:

- Speak to your ex wife, 8years is a long time for someone to stay bitter
- Failing the above i would seriously recommend that you apply to the courts for either a variation and specify i) either your ex-wife agree to take up some of the travelling i.e. you collect your children from her, and she does the same or have some other form of meeting i.e. half way or option ii) apply to the courts to increase your contact time up from the 3wks, could your parents look after them if they are local to you?

I'd also like to commend you for keeping this up for 8years. I'm sure i'm not alone in thinking this.

What do you suppose to my suggestion?

Also an after thought... who moved 300miles away?

Thank you Yoji for replying. I was the one who moved away, when our marriage ended I moved back to my home town - we had met and married in her home town when I was in the Armed Forces so I came home again to be with family & stayed here. I did the 600 mile round trip once just to see my children for 4 hours as that was all I was allowed when I first left.

My ex-wife has remarried & they both work, receive my CSA every week and I expect are eligible for all kinds of benefits - I get nothing and try to do everything on my wages & after 8 years am finding it a strain. I had my kids just last week & took them back by train - 12hrs on a train up & back in one day - twice, is no joke.

My parents do live nearby but it's the journeys, I look forward to having the children but the thought of all the travelling involved & the expense removes the excitement sadly.

I probably would look to the courts in asking for them to impose an order to share the travelling but as I can't afford a solicitor & would have to travel to the court in her town = more expense is there much hope in the court enforcing such an order or might it be the case of 'you want them - you get them'.

I did go through Cafcass when I first left & just paid for a court hearing as my ex wouldn't let me bring my children to my home town to start with.

Thanks again for helping me - I am new to this site 🙂

Hi again Shaun,

Generally speaking you can make an application for your hearing to be heard in any court, however it would be CAFCASS that overruled what court you would like this to be held in.

If talking to your ex wife is a problem, you would need to issue a variation to contact. Contacting your local court office could advise you fully of the forms you need.

You don't need a Solicitor, they are often an unnecessary expense. Have you considered using National Express coaches? They are normally very cheap and have offers regularly.

On the subject of the variation i would recommend that you ask that the court either make provision that the way you see it the court has the following options open:
- Meeting half way
- One parent collects and the other returns
- The parents go halves on travel costs for you (<--- highly unlikely)

Use the above citing the fact that you have kept the current arrangement for 8years, and that now with travel costs soaring its putting a huge financial strain on you. Make sure you save receipts to back up your claim. Also state that you want to be involved in your childrens lives, mention that you pay support and always have and that your request shouldn't be looked on as unreasonable or unfair... again you've done this for 8years on your own.

Note: The current arrangement is not working, you need to be clear on this

I would definately try and exhaust the talking with your ex-wife route though as if something can be arranged that will be better. But i'll go on a limb and say she's probably unreasonable and won't be agreeing to anything.

First step speak to court to find out exactly what form you need. If you need help with the particulars, post back on here and myself or others i'm sure could give solid advice.

Hi Shaun,

I have read your predicament with a lot of interest. I too am in a similar situation.

My ex wife took my 2 daughters (age 8 and 6) away and moved to Sweden about 2 years ago. Since then i have been paying full child maintenance (£500+ a month) and paying for flights and accommodation to visit them. I have also paid for my daughters to fly 4 times a year (during school holidays) to stay with me as unaccompanied minors costs me around £2500 a year in flights alone.

They then stay with me around 70 nights a year and i obviously feed them and buy them clothes etc.. and do not get a single penny from the ex to contribute to the flights costs. I got a Consent Order specifying i have access to my daughters so she cant deny me this but her attitude is that if i want to see them i have to "pay".. in more ways than one.

I am left with no money to have any kind of social life as i use all my money (after rent, bills, etc) on my daughters. Oh did i mention she also took 75% (£100k+) of the equity from the house sale.. which was pretty incredible since i had been building this up for 20 years and i only knew her for 6 years... but she took it. Left me with virtually nothing.

I asked the solicitor about this and they said as long as she allows you to see them, she cannot be forced to pay towards.. even though it was her that moved away. Women have this right it seems.

I too could not afford to spend money on solicitors as i would have had no money to see my kids with. Im not sure how much longer i can continue this, but i know i will never give up on my kids.. they miss me like crazy and i love them no matter and my ex knows this and of course uses this to her advantage. Dropping them off at Heathrow airport after a week or two weeks or three weeks with me is the most painful experience. I cannot find words to describe.. but breaks me every time. Never get used to that.. of course i do not show this side to my kids. That's left for my lonely drive home.

Hope things work out better for you... i live in hope too. There is always hope.

Regards,

Steve

Again I can relate the your situation. but I only got 220 miles to go.
a friend of mines partner was in same situation and with sorting out contact the judge said that he was to collect the children and she had to come and get them at the end of the period. his ex had to move a bit closer because of this. I believe this was about 8 yrs ago tho.

would be great to get this but my ex has lost her driving licence ,and when I mentioned it before this she said she would get rid of car before she would do anything like that.
I would think it would be hard to enforce?