Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
Just want to know if there is anything I can do to get custody or atleast see my son.
Me and my girlfriend had our son 10 months ago, however she is very unstable and continually throws me out over stuff that happened when we werent even together
She didnt put me on the birth certificate and we are not married, I have asked her continuosly to add me onto birth certificate but always says once she does that, that I will leave her.
She can get very violent, and often hits me, a couple of weeks ago she pushed me down the stairs, I sort of have proof of this on text message when she was laughing about it to her mother.
She has two other daughters, one of whom she has hit so hard she had a hand print round her face for hours after. I however have no proof of this.
The only reason I haven't left is for my son, trying to get some rights.
I believe I can provide a better life for him, I run my own business, my sister is a school teacher and all my family work whereas her family are all on the dole living off benefits not even trying to try to find work, not a great example to set him.
Any comments are welcomed. Do I stand a chance?
Hi Daz and welcome 🙂
From what I understand, you are still in a relationship with the mother and she often uses violence against you and her children. As you are not on the birth certificate you dont have Parental Responsibility (PR). You can apply to the court to get this with or without the mothers agreement. You would need this if you were to go for custody or a Contact Order, and you would have to apply to the court for this too. You can however apply for PR and custody/ contact order at the same time.
Its difficult to advise you on the best course of action as you are still together, and taking any of the actions I can advise would obviously have a serious effect on your relationship.
I would always usually recommend that you try Mediation first to see if you can sort it out, get her to agree to PR but as there is a history of Domestic Abuse the requirement to attempt Mediation doesnt apply.
This is what I would advise you to do if you had split up.... First step would be to report her to the police for Domestic Abuse , this would then be on file and would help your case in court..in theory anyway!
The next step would be to contact Childrens Services and tell them about your concerns for the children and about the physical violence she uses against you and them. Theres no guarantee the Childrens Services will be very helpful though, as their quality of care varies widely from area to area...Perhaps the mother is already known to them and this would be helpful as there will already be a file. When contacting these agencies its always best to ask them to record your contact with them and put it on file as the court could ask for reports from them during the case.
I would then advise you to apply to the court for PR and either Residency or Contact. Its really quite difficult to get a court to hand over custody of a child and there has to be some serious risks to the child before they would consider it. Courts also do not like to split up the children in a family so custody would be an uphill task.
Of course once you end the relationship and start the ball rolling, its highly likely she will stop all contact and this is obviously something that you need to consider and its probably this that stops you from doing anything about your situation.
Have you thought of trying Relate, they can help families that are in difficulty. Heres a link - www.relate.org.uk
I thought I would also give you a link to the Mens Advice Line. Its a confidential helpline for men who are experiencing domestic abuse and provides emotional support and practical advice
0808 801 0327
www.mensadviceline.org.uk
Best of luck and if you need to talk then we are here for you 🙂
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.