[Solved] Moving the kids to Rented then selling the house

Sorry to hear of this. Be careful about moving, once you move - she may change the locks then use the children as a bargaining tool for finances.

Have a look at this....sometimes after separation where ther is joint ownership and children the mother will go,for an occupation order.....

www.thecustodyminefield.com/mobile/occupationorder.html

I think you need to seriously consider getting a residence order for the two younger children, the eldest at 16 can make their own mind up about where they live.

As the children want to live with you and the courts rarely split siblings up then you are in a good position to be granted a residence order. There is lots of info about this in stickys at the top of this section. You can use a solicitor but many here have chosen to self represent. The costs involved for legal representation can often reach into the thousands whereas the cost of submitting an application to,the court is £200 and if you are on a low income or benefits then you could claim an exemption from this charge.

Before you consider any orders through the court you might like to consider Mediation. Legal aid is still available for this service, you can check eligibility here www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid .....here's a link to the service www.nfm.org.uk

Alternatively if you have been using Relate you could also,return to them to try and help. Both of these services are child inclusive so the children could be involved in the sessions and will be able to have their say about what they want.

The childrens act also makes provision for housing so residence may influence the housing needs

That's right Boycie and although mothers are the ones that usually apply for occupation orders the law is there for both parents at the end of the day, and although its less common there's no reason why a father as the parent with care shouldn't apply.

Can you clarify joint tenants in trust - do you mean joint tenancy, or tenants in common?

Either way, I wouldn't necessarily be so quick to give her 50% - you will be the one providing a home for the children.

Because we are not married we have reciprocal wills to avoid inheritance tax if one of us dies - so if one does the inheritance goes into trust for the benefit of the kids & the other partner & the partner is a trustee. So they can take the inheritance tax level the rest is rolled forward to the kids.

Basically i can sell the place & she cannot stop me (& she the same to me).

& she has the right to 50% after sale costs so anything other than 50:50 is not an option.

You need legal advice to check this, but as far as I know the wills don't have a bearing on how the property is split when you are alive (even more so especially if they are done to save on tax) - that depends on how the property is registered -(after all, you can change your will at any time). Joint tenancy is a 50% split, whereas tenants in common is split in the particular proportion that was set when you registered ownership.

The will & share of house stuff is off topic for me its all been agreed & checked out with solicitors. I am comfortable my kids will get their 50% share if i demise & am comfortable that if i or she sells i get my 50% after sale costs. & am content with getting a fair 50% even if I am housing the kids. Those are regardless of me living there or not.

The question i don't have resolved is with respect to :- given i need to go to mediation before a residence order & given she isn't going to hurry to mediation because it serves her purpose to have time to influence & 'normalize the kids to her way of thinking. (I caused the affair & the other guy is better than me) & given the kids are already under stressed because of the situation & have solidly kept to their view they want to be with me. Given i have parental responsibility in writing & registered with the court when born, they all want to be together not split, 1 of them is of an age to self decide & the other is 15 in a couple of months.

Q = If i without court or mediation decision or mandate just up sticks them all to another house (locally so no change in schools etc) & give free access to her to see them there (when I am about) - what is likely to happen or what can she do?

You are correct inheritance and marital split of proceeds are very different. The tenancy you describe it about how your share of the house is divided in the event of death. It has no bearing.

The risk of leaving you house is that she may end up with both - reversing it on you and saying that your up-rooting them causing disturbance to their lives.

Basically it seems mediation and court are the only ways forward. Have you given her a mediation date? Consider Just organising an appointment get the form signed either way and see if you need to issue court proceedings.

Good luck

As you have PR and the children want to live with you then if you decided to move out and into rented accommodation theres nothing to stop you.

It's probably wise if you claim the child benefits and tax credits so that this is in your name, once that is done you can claim child maintenance from her and she would be liable to pay you a percentage of her salary.

At this point she would either accept it, or apply to the court for a residence order but as the children are older and know their own minds the likely outcome would be in your favour. The onus would be on her to take it forward.

It might also be advisable to let the school know what is happening.

Of course there's nothing to stop you from applying for an emergency residence order once you have moved, this can be done within a day....but given the age of the children it's not essential in my opinion as they are too big for her to take them without their consent, as would be the case if they were younger.

A residence order would give you a certain amount of security. I think the ages of the children are quite pertinent here ......the 16 year old is old enough to decide where they want to live without any order deciding for them. The 14 soon to be 15 year old is only a year off the same rule, so it's only the youngest at 11 that could be argued over, but as courts don't want to split siblings up then that would be the premise in any court decision in my opinion.

I think moving from the family home, whilst off topic for you might have an impact on them though. The separation of their parents is a big deal so to leave their home as well will be very upsetting for them I think. Ideally it should be her that leaves so that there is the least disruption in their lives as possible....she is being selfish in my opinion.

Agree 100% with everything nannyjane has just said 🙂

Thanks, think i will offer the following:

To buy out her interest from the current house for 1/2 the average of 4 valuations (2 of her choice 2 of mine). +5k

She remains whilst that progresses & she receives individual counseling: that may result in we go forward into couples counseling (that i want) or that we split.

If we split - the kids stay here with me in this house & she can see them when ever she wishes as long as our 11 is not 'abducted' ykwim.

If we go to couples counseling then we can put it on hold or return it to join tenants at a later date & commit to that.

If she wont deal then I say I will sell it for best realizable value & we all have to move.

After 18 years on Monday we go into mediation to end it all.

I hope to retain the kids & in this house.

So sad its reduced to this.

Good luck....I hope you get whats best for the children and its acceptable to you......Dave

Best of luck for tomorrow.

Good luck 🙂

Fingers crossed for all of you 🙂 - I appreciate it is a tough time

What a waste of time & 100 quid. we talked about talking & listened to them describe the process for half of it. No positions were established & nothing agreed. No good will was established & today she ignores me in the house.

Hmm it will take a few sessions to become effective, but it doesn't work for everyone. Perhaps Relate might be a better option as its more counselling orientated.

2nd session 300quid! & all we got was kids remain in same schools, docs etc (that was never in dispute it was a given to me?)

Then 'we wont discuss issues in front of the kids' gets written up as 'we wont discuss with the kids!' = 'a gagging order'? I think my 17 & 15 year old have a right to have a say on where & with whom they might live & if that might also include their younger brother.

& the mediator writes up as an option (& er i don't think I nor my wife said it) to a trial separation we think about 'each living in the family home one week on & one off'!? Hm i wonder what the emotional damage to the kids will be from that! Quiet unreal.

We have 2 weeks to try to discuss, but since I have had 'morning!' as the sum total communication effort.

You get an opportunity to let the mediator know if they have got anything incorrect or disagree.

Get in touch and tell them to remove the parts your not happy with.

Regards,

Dave