[Solved] My ex is emigrating with our 5 year old daughter

I'm not sure whether 6 months in each country is practical for her education - I would have thought that it would need to be holidays or something similar.

I would sit down and talk it through with your ex - you sound as though you are in a fortunate position to be able to do this. Once you have an agreement, I would then go for a consent order to formalise matters, this is basically the courts putting a court order in place to make the agreement a legal document, something they will normally do as long as it's not against the child's best interests. A court order normally prevents removal of a child to another country for more than a month, but I would imagine that if you agree to this, then the courts wouldn't stand in the way, but the Children's Legal Centre will confirm or correct this, I hope.

I would be inclined to do this yourself, rather than through a solicitor - that way you can communicate openly and directly as there is no conflict, so much less opportunity for misunderstanding.

Hi ZenGravy and welcome to Dad Talk,

Its good that you're sensitive that formalising the current arrangements around your daughter might potentially be seen as 'incendiary' by your ex. Have you tried talking to her at all about this? Its possible that since emigrating is a big thing she might expect you to want to formalise things, or at least be more understanding. You might already have an insight about whether your ex would listen your concerns about your future parental rights alongside your interest in your daughter's welfare.

I will ask our legal experts to give you advice on this matter. It can take a couple of days for them to reply. Do watch this thread because this is where they will post their reply.

Regards
littleocean

Thanks guys, sometimes it just takes someone to hear what you've said and see the sense in it... That's why this place is so important..

I am lucky that I can still communicate with my ex, although it's a very fragile situation.. Sometimes one word is all it takes to create an impasse.
My attempting to bring ANY sort of formality to the arrangement is often seen as an attack which can set us back a long way.
I guess I'm really angry with my ex about this.. Yet another situation that I didn't create that I'm expected to deal with.

On another note, when she told me she was off to Canada, I tried to be as magnanimous as possible.. But I made sure I went through her reasoning for the move with her.. She's marrying a guy who has just gained Canadian residency. I asked her if she loved him and she said 'no', and made it quite clear that she was taking advantage of his green card.. She talked about having a plane ticket fund in case things didn't work out over there between them, she could just fly home again.. She even said that she still loved me.. I think I just need to say these things.. Anyway, I'm not necessarily going to act on this information, but it strikes me that our daughter's welfare is not at the top of the list...

I've suggested that they go out together, leaving our daughter here with me, until they're settled.. Then give it 3 months or so before I fly out there with the little one.. Maybe stay a month to get her settled in and then return home...

I just wondered if it was useful to open this discussion.. There may be other people out there who need similar, calm solutions to what is a very emotional situation..

I Might start another thread to open general discussions on this subject.. What do you think?

Zx

>I Might start another thread to open general discussions on this subject.. What do you think?

Always worth a try 😀

Hi zengravy

This is a really tricky situation but I don't see how you can practically share your daughter, 6 months each every year. It's not just about her education, her friends, stability etc but emotionally it would be very damaging and confusing for her to be adapting to each situation every time she's moved. Her needs are a top priority. Ideally she needs her roots to be firmly placed in one or either country with regular visits, perhaps during the holidays by who ever is the non-resident parent.

You say you can still communicate with your ex, although I understand this is a fragile situation but have you considered mediation? It may be a way of you both agreeing terms in a less formal setting, at least to start with. You can get advice about this by calling the Family Mediation Helpline on 0845 60 26 627 or by clicking on this link.

http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk

I hope this is of some help to you.

Dear zengravy

It may be beneficial for you and your ex-partner to put down the residence arrangements for your daughter in writing. This will be able to provide an indication of intent from both parties if the situation was ever to change. However, you should also be aware that putting the arrangements down in writing will not create any legal obligations to either party. The only way that legal obligations can be created is through the court.

You should also be aware that a court order that is granted in England will not apply in Canada therefore any order that is made in this country will have to be mirrored in Canada for the order to take effect. Mirroring is when an order from one country is made effective by another jurisdiction’s courts.

Your ex-partner will be living in Canada and therefore will fall under Canadian jurisdiction. Therefore if you have a written or verbal agreement made between yourselves that your ex-partner reneges upon subsequent to the move then your only recourse will be to apply to the Canadian courts.

We would recommend that you receive the advice of a solicitor in order that the full legal implications of the potential move can be discussed.

We hope this information is of use to you and if you need clarification on any of the points raised above then please call the Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008.

Kind regards

Children’s Legal Centre