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I found out about three weeks ago that my ex is pregnant! the only way i found out was that a text that was meant for her friends "accidently" came to me.
I suggested that we thinkg about a termination becuase i'm 23 shes 29a nd we split up. Also i feel i'm not in a finacial situation to bring up a child and i want to be there 100% of the way.
She went to the doctors to find out the options and then she was tol dshe had to wait a week and a half for a scan tos ee how long gone she was. And today was the day that she went for the scan. And by "accident" i had a picture of the ultra sound sent to my phone, which again werent for me!!!
She said she doesn't want me in her life, or she doesn't want me in the babies life if she keeps it. she said i won't find out if shes keeping the baby or not and will just have to find out of someone else!
I said i would take her to court, and she said she will fight me all the way, but i won't know any dates of the scans or when the baby is due, if it's a boy or girl, or even if she is keeping the child! Also she is saying that she's kept the text where i suggested that we go for a termination!!
I really don't know what to do or think... i don't want to talk to my family becuase i will feel that i've let them down by my parents having their first grandchild and not being able to see them.
Any advice would help! my world has just been turned upside down adn my head is a mess!
Dear evsy12,
Thank you for your enquiry. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do legally until the child is born. Once the child is born there are two options available to you in trying to have access to your child.
Negotiate with the mother:
The court will want to see that you have attempted to negotiate with the mother to some extent and mediation often provides a successful avenue. You can contact national family mediation on 0300 4000 636 for further information.
If negotiation break down or fail to achieve the desired outcome you can apply for a contact order for access to your child.
Apply for a contact order:
A contact order is where the court will decide what access and under what conditions you should have with your children. They will decide what is in the child’s best interest using the welfare checklist. This will create a legally binding order enforceable against the mother if awarded by the courts, and in most cases the courts facilitate contact unless there are exceptional reasons not to.
If you decide to represent yourself, you can download the C100 application form from the HMCS website. Additionally, he can download guidance notes called CB1 and CB3. There is a fee approximately around £200 - £250 for making the application which covers the proceedings.
The court process will consist of a directions hearing where the judge will decide what steps are required and it will give an opportunity for the court to do fact finding.
This will be followed by the final hearing allowing the parties to put forward their proposals and objections. The whole process can take 6 to 12 months, however the court has discretion to make interim decisions to allow contact whilst the case proceeds.
The child’s welfare:
If the matter proceeded to court, then the court considers a question of the child's upbringing the child's welfare is the court's paramount consideration.
The court will consider factors such as:
a) The child’s physical, emotional and / or educational needs;
b) The likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;
c) His age, [censored], background and any characteristics of his, which the court considers relevant;
d) Any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
e) How capable each of his parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;
f) The range of powers available to the court under the Children Act 1989 in the proceedings in question.
If you have any further question you can contact us on 0808 802 0008.
Kind Regards,
THE CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE
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