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I have a 10 month old daughter, after continuous arguing with my partner, I finally found out she was seeing someone else but she kept denying it, anyway to cut a long story short some pretty toxic things were said and we ended the relationship, that was 12th August, she has not let me see my daughter since. By the 24th August she was in a full blown relationship with yet a different guy! I have phoned ,texted, emailed been round to the house but she has not responded, also members of my family have done the same, no response, my parents have tried her parents also no response, now she has changed all her contact details. On top of this her new boyfriend made such a bad threat to me to stay away that the police were involved, and on top of this she has plastered pictures of this man holding my daughter on facebook, I was physically sick. I finally went to see a solicitor after a 6 week wait as its legal aid, all they can do is write a letter? I'm at my wits end, I have done absolutely nothing wrong, apart from all the nasty arguments before we split, this is her reason I think for denying me, it's been so hard to stay calm. Although we didn't live together I saw my daughter nearly every day, and tried everything to make my ex happy. If I could afford to pay a solicitor would things be any different, they're saying it could take months which means I'll miss her 1st birthday.
Speak to the childrens legal centre as soon as possible - you may be able to get an early hearing to sort out an interim contact order, but they are the best people to advise you on the steps to take.
Dear Thomas85,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologise for the delay in responding to your email.
The legal position is that, as she is the resident parent, the mother is able to control the contact that you have with your daughter as she is not of an age to make her own decisions and will not have the final say on these matters until she is 16 years old.
Unfortunately a parent does not have a right to see their children, it is children who have the right to see their parents, and until a child can make such decisions for themselves it falls to the person they live with or the court to make these for the child.
You options regarding contact with your daughter at this time are to firstly attempt to negotiate and mediate with the mother if possible. If you are instructing a solicitor and using Legal Aid, mediation must be requested (except in certain circumstances) prior to taking the matter to court.
The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610 and you can contact them for further advice on how mediation can help.
It is irrelevant whether you are paying for a solicitor privately or receiving Legal Aid, as a solicitor will always attempt to write letters and negotiate things first as it is expected that matters will not be taken to court unless absolutely necessary.
If all else fails, then you are able to make an application to court for a contact order, which is a legally binding court order that states the days and times that you are to see your daughter, and the mother may be penalised by the court if she does not comply with this.
You are able to make this application yourself or with a solicitor, as you are eligible for legal aid it is suggested you use a solicitor to do this.
Unfortunately court proceedings do take some time, and an average case takes between 6 and 12 months from the application being made to a final order being put in place, this may be longer if the case is particularly complex. The court is able to put some form of interim contact in place during the proceedings if they feel it is suitable.
The court consider all the circumstances when deciding what contact is appropriate, giving special consideration to your child’s age and other relevant factors, but are very much in favour of children having a relationship with both parents when it is safe for the child to do so.
Any court order will remain in place until a child reaches 16 years old, or another order replaces it.
With regards to new partners being around your daughter, there is little that you can do about this. It is for each parent, when the child is in their care, to decide who that child sees and what they do, meaning that you will have no say in who the mother allows around the child, and the mother will have no say in who you allow around the child during your contact time.
The only exceptions to this are if it is believed that the particular person poses a specific risk to the child (for example if they are convicted of child related offences) in which case the Social Services can be contacted and the court can be made aware and potentially the police. These authorities will not become involved because the other parent does not know or like the person, only if there is a serious risk.
As for photos being placed on Facebook, again it is very difficult to do anything about this, as a parent is able to place pictures of their children on such websites if they feel it is acceptable. You may be able to report this to Facebook on the website; however a photo is only removed if the content is inappropriate or offensive to the public, which in most cases these photos would not be. Also Facebook are not able to police this, so even if the photos were removed they can be re-added at any time. It may be best to attempt to negotiate this matter with the mother, however unless the pictures are of an inappropriate content there will be nothing you can do to force her to remove these and not add further pictures.
At this time, we would advise that you attempt to negotiate with the mother as much as possible and take the advice of your solicitor as they are in the best position to advise you as they will hold all the information on your case and will know what option is best for you.
We hope this information is useful to you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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