[Solved] My ex wants to move to Canada taking my children!!

Hi Ed and welcome.

What a bombshell to be dropped on you!! As you have a solicitor, I can't ask CCLC to comment, but your solicitor should answer most questions. I would expect that your solicitor doesn't expect you to produce a perfect bit of prose, but you need all of the facts from your point of view, and to comment on your ex's statement (including admitting where it's true) and then your solicitor should assist in getting it into an acceptable form for the court.

Hopefully yoji will comment on this (and anyone else who can assist) as he's given a lot of help in preparation of statements, I think.

A few questions - can you give us an idea of when this all needs to be done, and when your ex intends to move, why she is moving to Canada (family?) and whether she has a job to go to, visas etc

Hi, and thank you for replying, I appreciate it.

My solicitor has asked me to make comments, as far as I can recollect, on the 'dossier' my ex has prepared. I have a couple of weeks - I go back to see him on 11 April, and go to court on 19 April.

My ex intends to move asap. She is Canadian and her family all live there. She came to England around 12 years ago running away from thousands of pounds of debt and not having a good relationship with her mother. She is now claiming she is struggling financially and is in a lot of debt (she has always spent well over her means). I presently do not work. She now has an amicable relationship with her mother and her mother has recently cashed in on an inheritance and she is now near on a millionaire, she has also paid my ex's debt off so she can return to the country. She has a very large house, able to house my ex and children with acres of land. She says by taking the children over there, they will have a better lifestyle. My ex presently lives in a two bedroom flat which she thinks is too small because my daughter has a large bedroom, my son has a small bedroom and her bed is in the living room. She refuses to put the two together in a bedroom.

She used to have good relations with my mother and sister up until it came to light last summer after my ex came back from Canada, taking the children on a two week holiday, when my 5 year old daughter said they were moving over there. When asked "well what about daddy, nanny and auntie" she replied "well we can talk on Skype" - this of course coming from my ex's mouth! My ex seems to talk 'excitedly' a lot to my daughter about moving over there...before anything has even been settled!!

Hi Ed,

Sorry to hear of your situation. In terms of the statement, i take it that you have specifically been told it is a Position Statement?

Is your ex the one who lobbied the Courts to allow this move?

There are a myriad of choices a Court may choose to follow. And in my honest opinion this will be a very difficult case for you to argue, her position seems to be very positive and has in honesty taken the "other" best interests of the child into consideration... when i see posts similar to these i often think "What would i do?"...

Firstly, you'll need to have someone to confide in and talk about... friends, relatives etc.
Your position statement is going to be quite expansive and i hope to be able to help you in as much detail as possible
For your ex's "dossier"... how many pages are we talking?
Have you kept a diary?

I would approach this particular case in 2 ways:
i) prepare for the worst and how contact with your children could be affected and equally what and who should support their travel costs (in my opinion, it should be 100% her)
ii) prepare to disagree totally with the move based on the fact of this severing completely any form of emotional and physical attachment from your children and them to you

Your statement will need to incorporate both of these aspects and i fully feel that the closing statement could be the clinching point for both of the above (i and ii) arguments. You've got a statement to work from.

Another thing is where abouts do you live in the UK? If you are close enough i could consider the drive to try and give some pointers for your statement ;;)

If not i could sort out a draft of the statement and email it over and possibly call with some guidance based off your experience plus challenging points from her statement.

Thank you for replying. Unlike my ex, I have never kept a diary. My ex's statement/exhibits is at least 50 pages long...she's been very thorough. My solicitor has asked me to comment alongside her paragraphs, as far as I can recollect. I feel I am totally out of my depth with this. I feel I just need to focus on the right words to say why and how my children will lose out significantly from the loss of contact - we have a very strong bond. Since I split with my ex nearly 2 years ago I have had regular weekend overnight access with my children. If they haven't stayed I have usually still seen them at my ex's home. I have of many occasions stayed overnight. On many occasions my daughter has phoned asking if I would go to their's to stay overnight, which usually I have. It wont be that easy if they move abroad will it!!

It is difficult, and I really sympathise. I'll keep an eye out on this thread to see if there are any points that stand out, but otherwise, I'll leave this to yoji and your solicitor, simply because I think they are better placed to give advice than I am.

Hi Ed,

I don't really have much advice for you, but I just wanted to say hang in there. It's a horrible situation to find yourself in and I truly feel for you. Your ex clearly hasn't been transparent about her plans and clearly wants to steamroller this through.

I think Yoji's advice is spot on. You do, unfortunately, have to prepare for the worst and think about how contact with your children could be affected and equally what can be done, and who should be responsible, for ensuring you all continue to enjoy contact with each other. Who will support their travel costs? (I agree with Yoji that it should be 100% her)

On face value your ex has put together a good argument as to why she should be able to leave. However, you have yet to respond and you need to follow Yoji's advice to disagree totally with the move based on the fact of this will sever, completely, any form of emotional and physical attachment between you and your children. I would point out that your ex has not enjoyed a particularly close relationship with her own mother, yet it has suddenly improved at a time when her mother has received a sizeable inheritence and your ex has, quite coincidently, run up another set of huge debts. The questions to ask are what will happen if history repeats itself? What happens to the children if your ex falls out with her family again? What happens to your children if your ex runs up more debts?

How is your ex suggesting that you stay a vital part of your children's lives, other than using Skype?

I'm truly sorry that you're in this horrible situation, but I promise that you'll always get a sympathetic ear here and you won't go through this alone.

FM '70

Hi Ed,

Where about a do you live?

Thanks everyone.

I live in Southampton.

Hi Ed,

Thanks, unfortunately thats a long long loooong way from me. If you want i can draft up a template for you to use and i will PM you on Friday and get your email address and then send the Document and give you some pointers?

I'd really appreciate that. Thank you so much.

Hi Ed,

I've sent you a private message. Please can you forward your email address where you want me to send the Position Statement.

Hi Yoji

I have just private messaged you.

Many thanks.