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Thankyou for any advice in advance.
Split with my ex 7 months ago and have 2 kids aged 10 and 4. I bought her out of our property when I realised she had been playing away with a neighbours husband.
Despite me being relatively blameless in the whole proceedings I continue to receive "grief" but it's nothing that I can't handle. There is desperation in her actions. Our family based agreement on financial support recently became unacceptable to her and so I formalised the process using the CSA.
Now I expect her to use my children as pawns, I suspect that she will prevent my access. (Kids currently have tea with me 1 evening per week and they also sleep over with me one night per week).
Of course, despite being a full time working professional I am skint because of my hefty mortgage and normal monthly bills while my ex enjoys the "full purse" I provided her with recently.
If she reduces or stops access it seems I have no options other than to admit defeat. I seem to have no legal rights to access to my children and a trip to court will bankrupt me.
I communicate minimally with the children's mother because there is a massive difference between what she says and what she does so it's a complete waste of time,
I always knew that the law was stacked against fathers... is it really so bad? Do you see any options if she does prevent access?
NB - there are no issues of incompetent parenting, no violence/drugs/alcohol and I work as a reputable and registered professional
Thanks very much
Shaunyw
Hi Shaun,
Welcome to DadTalk! I'm sorry to here about your current problems, but you're amongst friends here and we've all shared similar experiences!
Just a couple of questions. Do you have a contact order already, or is your current level of contact something that you've agreed with your ex independently?
You currently enjoy contact, so you could only really go to court to increase the level of contact you have. If she stops contact, then you can also make an application to the court to either have an existing order enforced or have one put in place. You can actually represent yourself and many of the dad's on here choose to do that. If that's how this pans out, I'm sure we can guide you through the process...
... however, you're not at that stage just yet!
Your split is still fairly recent and I would imagine that the emotional wounds are still raw on both sides. It may be wise to invite your ex into mediation (a court will thoroughly expect you to have tried this before making any application and would insist on it prior to any hearing). This means that you and your ex can thrash out an agreement with the help of a trained professional.
It may well be that she dismisses the opportunity and blocks or meddles with contact. In which case you can proceed with a court application, but you're not at that stage yet and I would strongly advise that you give mediation a go before matters get any worse.
Let us know how you get on!
FM '70
Hi Shaun
When you say your ex - is that ex-wife or ex-partner, and is your name on the birth certificate - the reason I ask is that the law on Parental Responsibility changed in 2003, so this could affect PR for your older child.
Has your ex started to make contact difficult at this stage? If not, then it may be a matter of seeing how things go, but keep a diary of all events, conversations, texts (transcribe these, with date and time - it's too easy to loose them from your phone) and emails as you may need these later on. I would also say that if things do start to go wrong, then at the stage you are at, mediation is certainly the first step to consider.
As for legal costs, have a read of yoji's "guide to representing yourself" at the top of the legal section as this is an excellent place to start.
Thanks for your responses.
Filmmaker - there are no orders regarding access. We agreed a 1 night/week sleepover but soon increased this to include dinner with me mid-week because both kids were showing "separation anxiety". My ex is now just starting to make contact difficult and her behaviour is awkward and punitive.
actd - thank God I never married my ex and yes my name is on the birth certificate of both children.
I am keeping documentary evidence of the children's visits, the cancellations (including the reasons) and any other unpleasant stuff.
I don't have an access problem just yet.... I can see it looming and I want to be prepared and to know how to react. Although I am willing to mediate I would do it only as a means to an end... my ex says one thing and does another.
Finally, your messages are very comforting. I never though of representing myself. I am articulate and could do it if needed. I'll have a look through the guidance you suggested.
I can see a few options now!
Thanks guys.
S
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