[Solved] Need Advice...

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I have recently left the home that I own jointly with my soon to be ex wife. I was living there with her and our 2 children.

The relationship itself had been over for a long time and she knew that I was only there for my children.

She was always very controlling from telling me who I could and couldn't speak to, whose numbers that I could and couldn't have, when I could go out and when I couldn't she struggled to cope with the children on her own, and would help herself from the joint bank account to my wages leaving us with nothing as a family for the following month.

I have always paid the mortgage and all the bills, I have always paid for everything for the children, and the only benefits received were child benefit. This was her choice she decided that she didn't want to work.

Things started getting worse at the end of last year when she told that she wanted to have [censored] with other people but she still wanted me to live with her. This culminated into her becoming an escort.
I knew she was doing it but because there was no feelings for her anymore I got to the stage where I didn't care. She was doing it in the house whilst I was at work and the children were at school. She was happy because she had the money to buy herself nice things a new tv, new clothes etc. However it still didn't stop her from helping herself to my bonus.

I have always had a lot of friends male and female who she didn't know about. With her telling me to go to the pub so that I was out the way I got to know a lot of people locally some of which I am now very good friends with. She would come to the pub with me occasionally and she met some of these friends. There was one instance where she was going to take the telephone number of a woman in the pub but had forgot to take her phone. She told me that I was to put it in my phone and to delete it straight away once she had it. She said it in front of the woman and my other close friends.

She hadn't told anyone about her escorting other than myself up until recently when she told a mutual friend of ours about it in the local pub. Nobody else knew.

She has pushed me away from family, they noticed a change in me and at one point even thought that I was on drugs. I was apparently acting withdrawn and aggressive. I have never been an aggressive person, it was totally out of character for me however I didn't realise that I was behaving in this way at all. It is only now I have left the home that I can see it.

I would finish work and go home and spend time with the kids before they went to bed, from the moment I walked in the house the care of the children was down to me. I would walk in to her screaming, shouting and swearing at the children who are only 4 and 6 years old. Once the children were in bed I would go to the pub to stay out of her way, it got to the stage where I couldn't bare to be near her and wanted to spend as much time away from her as possible. On one of these occasions the mutual friend that she had told about her escorting was there. We were all stood together with other mutual friends having a laugh, my phone was going off constantly with text messages from my wife demanding to know where I was, who i was with, when i was going to return. I was ignoring the messages because I was enjoying myself and I didn't want her to ruin my night, selfish that may have been but I had got to the point where I really didn't care about her at all anymore.

About half way through the night myself and the mutual friend that she had told about her escorting were outside the pub having a cigarette. There was nobody else about and she commented on how I didn't seem particularly happy and my phone going off all the time. I ended up breaking down and telling her how unhappy I was being there, it wasn't until this point she had any idea that anything was wrong. It was from talking to her that she made me see that what I was doing by staying there wasn't what was best for the children and that I had to do something to change the situation that I was in.

2 days later it was my daughters birthday party I didn't want to cause an atmosphere for her birthday so I thought I would keep quiet until after. After the children had gone to bed and were asleep instead of going to the pub I sat down with my wife and told her I wasn't happy and that it was over. Between us we agreed that she would move out with the children and I offered to pay her deposit and months rent for her and told her she could have anything that she wanted from the house. I was going to stay in the house and continue paying the mortgage including her half of it aswell as all the bills and upkeep on the house and in the event of a sale that we would split any profit or loss between us 50/50. It was also agreed that I would give her £200 a month for the children.

2 days later she gave me her cards to the joint bank account, and I gave her £250 in cash to see her through until she sorted benefits out. This was all agreed with a signed witnessed statement of separation. Before she signed this I asked her if she had taken any money out of the bank that day and she told me no. I checked my online banking and found that she had and had been lying to me. That evening I put the children to bed whilst she went to the pub. She came back at 8 and then I went to the pub. Whilst she was at the pub I phoned my mum and told her what had been going on, it was at that point I knew that I was really going through with it and there was no backing out. Whilst I was in the pub my brother rang and asked me where I was he had driven for over an hour to get to me because he was worried. I left the pub with him and the friend that did know everything and went to the friends house so that I could talk to him without risking being overheard.

At this point I had barely eaten for a week, I had barely spoken to anyone let alone told people what was really going on behind closed doors. Myself and my brother sat talking until 3am and I decided that I couldn't go back and couldn't live the lie, pretending everything was ok anymore. My brother sent her a text saying that I was with him so that she wouldn't ask any questions.
I went back in the morning so I was there before the children woke up so they didn't know anything was wrong. My friend had told me that I was welcome to stay in her spare room so I knew that I had somewhere I could go even if only temporarily. I told my wife that day that I had somewhere to stay however I didn't tell her where I was.
I was going back to the house after work and putting the children to bed as normal, this continued for a week.

On the Thursday the mutual friend text her and told her that I was here, she didn't want to be lying to anyone and didn't want to be stuck in the middle of it and she told her that. My wife snapped was sending her abusive text messages. I rang her to try and calm her down, she was talking about ending her life. In the end I calmed her down and it was agreed that the following day I would pick the children up when I finished work and show them where I was staying and they had their dinner too before I took them home at 7 as arranged and all was fine. It was agreed that I would pick them up on Saturday morning we were going to go into town so she could remove her name from the joint account as agreed I was then going to drop her home and have the children for the whole weekend including over night.

Although myself and the mutual friend were not in a relationship at this point despite my wife accusing us of being in one, we are now because of everything that has happened has brought us closer together and she has been my rock. She has her own problems including a violent ex partner, and her children currently being in a foster placement because of him she is currently going through the family courts to gain sole custody. My wife is aware of the basic information around this as was I however I now know the situation in full and my wife does not.

I went over to the house as agreed on Saturday morning let myself in with my key to find the house empty, beds not slept in and clothes missing. I immediately phoned the local police to report them missing due to the nature of her previously sent text messages. They had 6 officers out looking for her and the children and I was also out myself looking. I covered 3 counties that day searching for them.

By 9pm I decided to come back and check her Facebook to see if she had contacted anyone through there, I was on Google maps trying to work out which houses members of her family lived in whose addresses I didn't know. At about midnight I heard a car outside and looked out and saw 2 police cars thinking that it was about the children I opened the door to which they said 'Were you expecting us' I asked them if they had found the children and they told me they were not there about that and promptly arrested me for forced prostitution for personal gain. They removed all equipment from the house that could connect to the internet even items that didn't belong to me.

I was taken to the police station where i was left sat in a cell for 13 hours without a phone call because of the nature of the alleged offence.

About 2pm I was interviewed and was told I would be bailed that day, I was back home by 5pm on a 3 month bail with conditions to not go to the property that I own and pay for and to not contact her unless via a third party to arrange child access.

I already had a solicitors appointment booked for the following day, which I went to and explained the developments that had happened over the weekend. The solicitor tried to call her to arrange contact for this weekend and she ignored the phone. The solicitor then wrote to her.

Another mutual friend went round to the house on Thursday to try and sort out contact arrangements for me to see the children this weekend, she looked out the window to see who was at the door and walked away ignoring it.

I was walking to get my hair cut yesterday morning and I saw her and the children, my daughter started waving to me and tried to run to me. She held her back by her hood in an attempt to stop her but she managed to break free and she ran straight to me and jumped at me squeezing me tighter than she ever has before. I turned my back to my wife and spoke with the children asking them if they were ok and how they were doing at school. My wife was trying to talk to me and I ignored her and once I had finished talking to the children I walked away and called the local police to let them know that she had attempted to talk to me which is against my bail conditions.

Today yet another mutual friend has tried to contact her regarding me having contact with the children tomorrow, this time via Facebook so it is in writing again to no avail. She actually told the mutual friend that I should contact her myself to arrange to see the children despite the fact that she knows that I am not allowed to. She also stated that she didn't want the children around 'her' meaning my new partner because she has had her children taken off of her. However this has never bothered her in the past when she has wanted the kids out the way and asked her to look after them! She has told the friend that she doesn't want the children to stay here for the same reasons. There is more than enough space for the children here, they would have their own bedrooms and own beds there is more than ample clothing and toys here for them also.

I earn to much to be eligible for legal aid, she is going to get everything for free. As it stands at the moment I am still liable for the mortgage and paying the insurance etc on the house that I own that I am not allowed to go to, aswell as trying to live and pay my own expenses and new rent. It isn't going to leave me with much spare money and I'm not sure how I am going to manage on top of giving her £400 a month in child maintenance.

Sorry for it being so long I wanted to get as much information down as possible although I have probably forgotten things and missed things out.

The questions that I have are;

How do I cope with not being able to see my children whilst she is making it so difficult and whilst waiting for the solicitors?
Can she legally stop me from having them at my new home address?
Can she legally stop my new partner from seeing them?
Is there anyway of reducing my legal costs? Solicitor has quoted me up to £15k for custody rights for the children and another £2k for the divorce.
There is currently £20k negative equity in the house, it was brought as a long term investment. Re mortgaging to buy her out isn't a viable option. I am contemplating bankruptcy. There is already a DMP in place which I am solely paying despite being in joint names for joint marital debts. Does anyone have any advice on the financial side. I don't want to go bankrupt if it is going to jeopardise any of the legal goings on that are happening currently.

And if anyone has any advice or can think of anything else that I should be doing or asking that I happen to have forgot then please feel free to add to it, it would be much appreciated.

If anything doesn't make sense or you need it clarifying then please do ask and I will be happy to do so.

Thank you in advance.
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