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hi, thanks for reading this, my situation is i split from my girlfriend of 6 years, we had 2 boys, when we split up i left her with everything, only took my clothes, we both made an agreement between us, with set days i have the boys, plus on top of that i had the boys for an extra 12 flexible hours per week if needed so she could work, in return there would be no money exchanged yet because im just starting out again struggling with money to rent a 2 bed house and buying everything all over again, we split up because there was no trust, she cheated a few times and enough was enough, she been dateing other people and so have i, but now iv found some1 i like and im in a relationship she said our agreement means [censored] all and csa are now on my back, csa have told me that it dont matter how many hours in the day time i have my boys, it only counts if they sleep over night, so they told me it works out at £58 per week sleeping just 1 night a week, my ex wants me to carry on having the kids all the time but she gets all the money, what chance do i have of trying to get shared custody of my boys? im sick of her getting her own way all the time, she cheats and gets the kids, i was honest and trustworthy and dont get my boys, can it be 50/50 with my boys living with both, please help, cheers
Hi and welcome
Unfortunately, the CSA are correct in what they have told you, it does work on nights slept only, not on the amount of time you have them during the day. I'm not sure that going for joint custody would help anything as it doesn't necessarily mean that you would have them any more than you do at present - the only way it would make any difference would be if you had them for more than half the time, and realistically, the only way you would get that would be if you had a residence order. Unfortunately, again, a court would be unlikely to grant a residence order unless there were compelling reasons to do so, relating to the welfare of your boys.
hi thanks for the quick reply, what do you think is best for me now? go through court to have all the set times done properly so she cant change the rules? all she is bothered about is the money, she wants me to have the kids all the time but her have all the money, need it sorting properly
I'm not sure what to suggest now. I don't think court is the solution because normally court will become involved if you are struggling to get contact, which isn't the case here at all.
Any other dads out there with any ideas?
Hi GC,
How old are your children?
What is your current agreement?
In my eyes the best thing you could do at present is to ask your ex for an additional overnight stay.
While i always say that perhaps overnights should not be upped to reduce your maintenance... in most/many cases, the maintenance very often puts second families and separate Dads in a lot of financial hardship. This naturally impacts on the childrens time with them.
If you answer the above questions we might be able to recommend a Contact schedule.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
