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Firstly just want to say hi I am new here. I am posting to ask for advice as I now haven't seen my 9 yer old daughter for nearly a year now. The reason for this is because I didn't ask to go to parents evening and was told until I spoke to her properly she wouldn't let me see my daughter. I refused to talk because I felt I was being controlled and my wife contacted my ex to arrange contact between her and our other children. My ex was happy with this and let my wife and kids see my daughter as long as I went out f the house which I did. My wife continued to try and sort out so that I could see my daughter but my ex would not budge. Eventually my ex then told my wife that my daughter no longer wanted to see her siblings or my wife and since then we haven't seen my daughter at all. We found out in October last year that my ex moved away and now although I am aware of the school my daughter goes to I am unaware of thef the where my ex is living. I have contacted a solicitor and originally my ex was willing for contact to take place in the area she was living. I agreed to this and the solicitors wrote to her setting a date for 25th February and also that I speak to her on the phone each week. My ex was given two weeks to reply and she left it until 23rd when she rung my solicitor and informed her my daughter doesn't want to see me or speak to me. My ex has refused to come to mediation and also refuses to give my solicitors her address so all correspondence goes to her mothers. My solicitor has told me that it will now go to court but that they need her address to do so. All I want to know really is is there a way of finding out her new address and how long will this whole process take of going to court?
Hi and welcome on here.
This is a shame really, as reading the first part of your post, I was thinking that this was a situation that looked like it could be resolved by mediation, unfortunately, reading the second part soon dispelled that. As a matter of interest, when you say she refused to go to mediation - was that something she said, or have you tried mediation and she was invited and refused? If it's the latter, a formal invitation from them to attend may be something she is more inclined to go along with, otherwise it will not look good for her if she has to explain why she refused in court.
With regards to finding her address, has your solicitor said anything about this as it certainly isn't unheard? If not, it might be worth ringing the court to ask their advice, again, it's a situation they wil be familiar with.
As to how long it will take, unfortunately there is no easy answer to this - it depends a lot on how reasonable your ex is with the court, but at can easily take a number of months if she makes the process difficult.
Hi that for the reply. My ex refused mediation as because she is using her mothers address (which is in the same area as me) it would mean her travelling which she said she isn't prepared to do. My solicitor hasn't really said much about on ding out her address just that she will HAVE to provide it for when it goes to court which I can't see her doing myself. They are still going to be sending a letter from mediation to my ex but we have however tried mediation before and it is a case of if I don't do as my ex says I don't get to see my daughter. If she agreed to mediation I would refuse anyway because of the fact that we have attended in the past and yet gain I'm not seeing my daughter. It's heartbreaking for all of us. I also wondered whether the court would ask that my ex meet us halfway when contact does become frequent and hopefully overnight? I wasn't consulted about my ex moving and in total it would cost £120 in fuel alone to have my daughter for a weekend which at present we can't afford as we aren't working. However I would like I still be able to keep regular contact with y daughter and I feel that my ex has jeapordised this by moving so far away. I have been warned it will be a long process taking my ex to court and that I may end up seeing my daughter in a contact centre at first which I'm fine with I just want to see her again.
Hi
I'm not too sure that a court would insist on halfway meeting, though I think yoji has suggested arguments to put to a court to justify this if I remember correctly. In terms of cost, any cost you incur in contact (and I think you should calculate a milage cost in terms of fuel, tyres, servicing etc) can be used to reduce your total takehome figure when calculating maintenance for the CSA calculation. Unfortunately, the courts do allow the resident parent to move anywhere within the UK as long as it's not just to prevent contact, and the non-resident parent has to suffer the consequences (ie cost and difficulty in keeping contact up) with little recourse. Your attitude of 'I just want to see my daughter' is excellent in my opinion - anything on top of this then becomes a bonus.
Hi tandn,
To have the address of your child disclosed you will need to have your Solicitor fill out a C4 form. This will allow the "release" of the Childs whereabouts.
How long has it been since you have actually seen your daughter?
How far away has she moved?
Have you considered or actually spoken to your daughter about why she doesn't want to speak to you?
If you are going to go down the route for Contact, you need to think quite practically. We can give some recommendations on here as to the level of Contact, its suitability and equally we can provide recommendations as part of "been there done that". This can save you a lot of hassle further down the line.
If a half way meeting has to take place you will have to put it toward a Court from the point of view that:
a) reasons as to why half way can be supported by your ex (she will have to say why not)
b) its practicalityy in maintaining and supporting your daughters right to have a relationship with you... (imagine putting that every weekend your ex meet half way, a Court would unlikely favour this... however at half term... this is an option)
c) CAFCASS could/should interview your daughter (alone) to ascertain her wishes and feelings regarding the situation
In terms of the CSA and its deductions for contact as far as i know the deduction was absolutely miniscule. I think i read a Dad travelling near 200miles (400 round trip) and getting something like £10.00 reduced from maintenance...
As a side question... this may arise in Court what steps are you taking at the moment to find yourself a job?
Hi thanks for the reply. I have not seen my daughter for nearly a ear. The only contact I had with her was when she was out playing in te street and even then she didn't seem to want to speak to me. My ex won't let me speak to my daughter to speak I her about why she doesn't want to see me. All my ex claims is that my daughter feels I can't be bothered with her and can't deal with the fact that I can e bothered with my other children. My wife tried to keep the contact up and we believe that stopped because my wife included my daughter when buying a fathers day and birthday card for me because after that my ex then told my wife that my daughter didn't want to see any of us. My wife text regularly to ask how she was and invited her to birthday parties but my ex always claimed that my daughter didn't want to go. My ex has moved 150 miles away. In regard to access I would love to see my daughter weekly but know this wouldn't be possible due to te amount it would cost as we have other children to support also. I am regularly searching but jobs are few and far between for mot testers which is the profession I am skilled in. I would hopefully like to get fortnightly visits ań also have regular phonecalls say 2-3 times a week
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