[Solved] need help please

Hi Dillon and welcome on here.

The simple answer to your question is, unless she has grounds to fear for your son's safety or wellbeing, then she has no say who your son sees when he's in your care. The reality, however, is that at the moment, she has control of your son, so she can restrict contact unless you agree - it's not right, but it's the situation you are in at the moment.

You need to see if you can come to an arrangement which suits you both, and if you can't work it out, then you may well need to go to mediation, and either get that written into a contact order if you can agree, or go to court if you can't reach an agreement. There are a couple of threads at the top of the legal section which explains the process of representing yourself in court, which I'd read, and you can speak to the CCLC directly, or ask questions on here, which we'll ask them to answer, as long as you haven't got a solicitor representing you at the moment. However, if you can, by far the best solution is to try to come to some mutual agreement, and you may have to give a little to get an agreement.

There is a lot more to it than the quick answer above, so please post any other questions you may have and the dads on here will do our best to help.

Thanks for your prompt reply at the moment she is agreeable to me having him on the 2days from 4.30 til 6.00 and everyother weekend its sleeping over thats going to be the stumbling block if he slept over on the Tuesday then my mum would look after him on the Wednesday as she as done since my ex went back to work full time but i know she is going to be difficult if i try to speak to her she just walks off her mother sent me a text earlier in the week saying she was prepared to share the baby at xmas and bdays and i was spoiling this chance because i called her a cruel person for already dating someone i cant beleive people can move on so quickly and what the [censored] has it got to do with her mum she feels she has all the answers because shes been through two divorces and can put the fear of god into me that she knows the law Would it go against me having him to sleep because i dont have my own house and she does (rented from her mum)

Hi

It's going to be a difficult process, but you're at an early stage. Start keeping a diary of every event, and every conversation, both good and bad - try to keep the account factual, and bearing in mind that this could well be used in court, you need to consider how everything you say and do would look to a judge. Basically, you need to make sure that everything you do and say can not be held against you, because there's the possibility that your ex will drag up everything possible if it doesn't look as though it's going her way.

Your priority now has to be contact with your son, so try not to say anything that you'd regret later on.

My biggest concern at the moment is going to be the fact thats she is demanding i have my own place for him to sleep over she said she dosent want him staying at my mums which is going to be my home as she dosent want my mother bringing up her son and she would take over can she do this I cant suddenly afford to find a place to live and living with my parents is the only option even thou its tight for space i feel shes being very unresonable about this i need to know how that would be looked upon legally

Hi

My thoughts are that she is imposing this condition because she knows that you can't comply with it, rather than because she has any concerns for you son's wellbeing. To the best of my knowledge, a court will not stipulate where you live or place restrictions on contact because of this, so long as your son is safe, both physically and emotionally. Since your mother has looked after your son in the past, as I understand it, then there is no reason why a court should place such a restriction on contact - although grandparents have no right of contact (although I think that may change), your reasons for having your mother look after your son are so that you can have increased contact, and that's the line I'd personally stress to a court, with the secondary benefit that your son has continued contact with his wider family.

So when i have my son next weekend (if she sticks to this) if she were to say i dont want him sleeping at your parents i will just say thats were my home is hes not in any danger so theres know problem i know its best to come to an arrangement between us but i would feel happier if something were on paper what is my first move in getting advice

Thanks for advice On Friday night when i took son back i told her i am going to take some time off at the end of Jan like she has this week and would have him to stay she said no she didnt want him sleeping in a travel cot which he wont be my parents are willing to do what is ever necessary for me to accommodate him being able to sleep (i said i would let her have the same visits that week as she lets me have) i told her that now we split i will be having my say where as before she made all the descions i was very calm she went mad swearing screaming stormed out the house this is all because she now feels she s not in control of what i do with my son when hes with me every descion made as been down to her but i told her we have choose this way of life and all i care about is my sons wellbeing and my relationship with him for some reason she is desprate for me not o live with my parents feels mum will take control of son and this from the women who a couple mths ago was in tears becausr she felt her mum didnt do enough with our son and my mum had been a god send and didnt know what she would have done without her intresting to see if she brings son to my mother this week its her turn to have him for 2 days

hi Dillon

Sounds like yyou got it righ not getting drawn into an argument, and not losing your temper. That is very important to cintinue like that, you are more likely to get somewhere with your ex, or if not, then you'll come across as being far more rational should it have to go further. Make sure you keep a diary of all conversations, texts, emails events etc as this will be useful if you go to court.

At the moment, you are still speaking to your ex, if there any chance you can suggest that you go off somewhere (not in the house) ofr a coffee to dsicuss it? If she's not willing to do that, or you can't come to a reasonable arrangement, the the next step is probably mediation.

I would start by asking her, apart from having your own house - which isn't possible under the circumstances, what would it take for her to accept your son sleeping at your mothers? Once she has drawn up a list, then you have something as a basis for negotiation.

Hi dillon,

Just another very quick one as a bit of an addition to actd's post, if you have ordered say a bed/mattress etc for your son to sleep in, its worth maybe just showing her pictures of it all built up. Then that is something else that can calm your ex's nerves about the sleeping arrangement so to speak.

Also if this did go to Court, overnight contact would likely be granted as an interim order, of that i would be fairly certain. However before going to Court, its worth exhausting the speaking amicably route.

She knows hes going to be well looked after its just the fact that she no longer has the control over me she lets my mum have him twice a week because she works full time as done since he was 9mths so it all rubbish the trouble is she can cut herself off from people without thinking twice she has no contact with her real dad and when her mum left her stepdad who had brought her up since she was alittla girl she cut him off and has nothing to do with him so she wont think twice about me or my family my mother hasnt slept for a week with worry its all so unecessary