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Hi All
I am new to the forum and in need of some guidance and advice, if anyone could assist I would be very grateful.
I live in Scotland and my wife has filed for separation and divorce, we have 2 children (14 & 12) and I remain in the house at present due to the financial difficulties of getting a home of my own. My wife is reluctant to go to mediation and asks for guidance from her lawyer on any matter I raise. I have no wish to spend our limited financial resources on legal fees to the detriment of providing for the children after we split up. I sense that her lawyer is steering her away from mediation.
The first piece of guidance I would like is that it seems the financial side of things (house, savings, pensions) will be divided roughly 50/50 and this does not seem to be a problem for either party. However my wife is of the view, supported it seems by her lawyer, that she will get full custody of the children and she will determine the amount of contact I have at her discretion. She has told the children and myself that they can decide where with whom they live and has led them to the conclusion it will be with her.
Can anyone advise if it is the case that the children get to decide with whom they live and how often I will have contact. I have explained that they will get the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings however they will not get to decide on these matters.
I would like to obtain equally shared custody of the children however I accept this may not be practical. I would probably agree to 4 days per fortnight if that allowed the matter to be resolved. Is this a reasonable expectation?
I understand that these matters are never straightforward I am just very anxious about my wife's conviction that she will obtain full custody and control over the future living arrangements for the children. I would add that there is no reason in terms of behaviour or relationships with the children that would prevent their living with me during the contact period.
Any help or advice would be sincerely appreciated as I get very anxious and distressed over the current situation.
kind regards
Alan
Have you triedhaving a look on wikivorce you'll get a lot of good info on there rating to what your asking
It might be worth having a word with the Scottish child law centre - www.sclc.org.uk
Hi
Thank you for the previous replies. I have a further question I would be grateful if anyone could provide assistance with.
My thoughts are that I should write a letter to my wife and copy to her lawyer explaining that in the interests of both ourselves and the children we should either reach a mutual agreement or attend mediation. I do not wish to spend our limited financial resources on legal fees when the money can be best used in making suitable provision for the children and ourselves i.e. separate homes, standard of living etc.
Could anyone advise what action could be taken against me by my wife's lawyer if I maintain the position in response to all correspondence that agreement/mediation is the route I am determined to pursue. We are in the early stages of separation (approx 2 months).
Any thoughts or guidance on this approach would be greatly appreciated as I am very anxious that my wife's lawyer is both aggressive and seeking to maximise legal fees.
I hope all who are going through difficulties manage to have a reasonable Christmas and particularly those with children are able to spend time with them or have meaningful contact with them.
regards
Alan
I don't know for certain, so you'd need to get some advice, but ultimately I would have thought that if there is no agreement, then it would go to a court to decide - I can't see that there would be any other option, and the fact that you are sticking to a reasonable position would certainly help you in court.
I'm not sure of the position in Scotland, but when I went through my divorce originally, we each paid our own solicitors costs, and if that's the case, your ex could be running up her own costs, which may be an incentive to think carefully about how much she wants to fight.
However, as I said, it's only my opinion, I have no knowledge of the law in this area.
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