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Hi there,
I'm a new member and here’s hoping someone could offer a little bit of friendly, constructive advice to my first post. I appreciate that I am not a Dad yet but I am going to be. I also posted this in "Legal Eagle" but it appears to have been largely ignored.
I recently became aware that I am going to be the father of an unplanned pregnancy at the end of May this year, with the child due in December. This was only a few weeks after I split with an ex, of which we had only a 7-week relationship – a relationship that ended acrimoniously. In fact, I was given no reason of why the relationship ended and to this day, am still properly unaware why.
We have since met three times to discuss the matter but it is fair to say that at the moment, things are strained. My ex is making some very difficult demands – whilst asking for my support she is trying to make so many demands it does feel like I am currently being pushed away or pushed out of the picture, almost as if she wants an excuse to cut me out.
The sticking point is that upon receiving some legal advice I was advised to get a DNA test, regardless of the emotions involved – this was recommended given the somewhat suspicious nature of how I was informed of the pregnancy and what I was asked for next. In summary, spelt out by the Solicitor, she said:
A 7 week relationship is over – it ends acrimoniously with no explanation. Sometime later the ex comes back and says that she is pregnant. After taking a couple of days to take it all in you offer your support and ask how you can help. And she says “nothing until near the birth where you can pay for things”. Get a DNA test.
Whilst I still mulled this over, for good or for worse I decided to inform my ex of the advice (as gently as I possibly could) telling her that I have made no decision as to what to do. I’m pretty sure I am the father but given the nature of the end of the relationship I cannot be certain (obviously I didn't inform her of that!). Regardless, my ex reluctantly supported the idea if I chose to take it (which was positive in terms of getting her support) however when I explained how the process is done and that it can only be done once the baby is born (I was told 5 – 6 weeks after) to which I can then sign the birth certificate, to which she replied:
“I’m not waiting 6 weeks for you to sign the birth certificate, I’ll need my benefits as soon as the baby is born”
Which not only sounds even more dodgy and suspicious but I was wondering that should I choose to take a DNA test and my ex signs the birth certificate BEFORE the result, I can still get the certificate changed should the result prove I am the father, correct?
Apologies for the over-long post, this is my first time post and whatever help can be given will be most appreciated.
Hi MrExpressive,
Welcome to the site.
Sorry that your last post never got a response. I will move this thread over to the Legal Eagle section of the site in a couple of days (as it is best placed there). I will ask the Coram Children's Legal Centre to pop by and give you the benefit of their expert Child Law advice.The will be able to tell you where you stand regarding birth registration.
Cheers
Gooner
Hi
It must be a nightmare and does sound a bit bizarre.
You have said that the baby is probably yours and that there is an element of doubt, that said is there any reason why you cant register the birth with your name on the certificate and challenge it later if the DNA test proves that your not the father. Havent a clue where that stands legally but if the baby did turn out to be yours and you wanted parental responsibility it would be easier to register the birth with you there.
Hope it helps a little.
I believe she cannot register you as the father if she knows it to be false, so if you register the birth jointly, in theory she is acknowledging that you are the father.
You could choose not to register the birth but acquire PR with a parental responsibility agreement once you have DNA proof
Hi actd, thanks for your response.
Forgive me for sounding a little bit dumb - but let's say that the DNA test proves that I am the father, how do I acquire a Parental Responsibility Agreement? Would I arrange that through a solicitor?
Mr E
Hi
It must be a nightmare and does sound a bit bizarre.
You have said that the baby is probably yours and that there is an element of doubt, that said is there any reason why you cant register the birth with your name on the certificate and challenge it later if the DNA test proves that your not the father. Havent a clue where that stands legally but if the baby did turn out to be yours and you wanted parental responsibility it would be easier to register the birth with you there.
Hope it helps a little.
Thanks for the advice, Spudgum.
I am pretty sure that the child is mine, but the solicitor asked me if I could be 100% sure that my ex did not cheat behind my back. Whilst I like to believe that this was not the case, given that the relationship was just ended without any real reason (the only reason I got - and this is absolutely unbelievable - is that I was "too intelligent" for her; a reason that the solicitor doubted and claimed was no reason at all) I do have some slight doubts.
The solicitor has suggested that the child is "most likely" mine but was also concerned that given how the relationship came and ended so quickly. You have to bear in mind that I did not explain the entire story in my first post but in summary my ex "swept me up" and needless to say I got swept in the moment. A very rare thing for me but she said and did all the right things and I guess I thought she was "the one" (sounds daft now, I know!). Now I know otherwise.
The solicitor suspects that I have "been had" and was used for nothing more than to provide the girl with a child - "you're not the first and you most certainly won't be the last" is what she said. This is a cynical view that I am not sure I believe, but regardless she advised me to get a DNA test. She also advised me not to sign the birth certificate until the results were clear. Hence the situation now.
In the discussions that have taken place, I have tried to take our relationship out of the equation and think what is best for the future of our child. Sadly my ex appears to be only thinking of herself - although I recognise that her hormones are probably all over the place where rationality is thrown out of the window - and what concerned me even more was the thoughts of her benefits and not wanting to confirm my 100% commitment to the child.
Having discussed this with my family and a couple of close friends, alarm bells started ringing once she made that comment!
Dear MrExpressive
Thank you for your post.
There are quite a few issues here and I will try to advise on each of them seperately.
In terms of the DNA test, you are correct in that this would need to be done once the child has been born. The mother would also need to consent to this request. It appears at this stage that she is in agreement. However, if the mother changes her position and does not consent to a DNA test you can apply to the Courts for a Decleration of Parentage which can be done on a form entitled C63.
In terms of Parental Responsibility, from what you have stated as you were not married to the mother you would need to be placed on the birth certificate to obtain Parental Responsibility without getting an agreement or Court Order in place. Mother would need to agree to you being placed on the birth certificate and you would need to be present during the birth registration or sign a statutory declaration to have your name added. If mother did not agree to you being placed on the birth certificate, you can apply for Parental Responsibility through the following ways:
• Marrying the mother;
• Having your name registered or re-registered on the birth certificate after the 1st December 2003
• Obtaining a Parental Responsibility agreement with the mother - the form is a PRA1
• Obtaining a Parental Responsibility Order from the court - the form is a C1
• Obtaining a Residence Order from the court - the form is a C100.
We would strongly advise that you confirm that you are the father of the child before taking steps to obtain Parental Responsibility.
In terms of finances, if you are the father of the child you will have a financial obligation towards the child. We would advise that you contact Child Maintenance Options for more information on maintenance payments.
With regards to contact with the child, there is nothing set out in law that states what the minimum amount of contact a non-resident parent should. It is hoped that contact can be negotiated amicably between the parties. However, if this is not the case we would advise that you attempt mediation with your ex partner. Mediation is used to try and resolve any issues that the parties have in a neutral enviroment without resorting to the Court system. To arrange mediation please contact National Family Mediation on 0300 4000 636.
If mediation does not work, the final stage would be applying to the Court for a Contact Order. A Contact Order is a legally binding docuement that would set out the type of contact and times and dates for this contact to take place. It is legally binding and any breach of the Order can be brought back for enforcement.
To apply for a Contact Order the form required is a C100.
All the forms that I have mentioned can be obtained from www.justice.gov.uk or from your local Family Proceedings Court.
Should you require any further advice please do contact us via our webchat facility. The link to our webchat is http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=web_chat. Webchat is available 9am to 6pm. Alternatively you can contact us on our freephone advice line, 0808 8020 008, open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday.
Yours sincerely,
Coram Children’s Legal Centre
Wow, thanks ChildrensLegalCentre - that bit of info was absolutely brilliant.
Thank you very much for your help and you can be sure that if I have any other questions I will be in contact.
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