[Solved] Newly seperated parent with questions.

Hi All,

My first post on these forums and i've got a few questions.

First a bit of background.

I'm 31 and my ex-partner is 26, we have a 2 1/2 year old son named Matthew, we'd only been together for 3 months when she fell pregnant (I'd wanted kids since I was 16 but she wanted to wait until she was 30 so I expected her to have an abortion when she fell pregnant... as you can imagine, I was over the moon when she said that she would keep him). Just before she fell pregnant I got made redundant from my job and she had very high rent arrears at her flat. Her parents lived in Leicestershire and said to her that we could move up here and move into their house and they would move out and rent somewhere, we would just pay a share of the mortgage. So we talked about it and as we both had a lot of 'baggage' where we were living we decided that a fresh start was the way forward so took them up on their extremely kind offer. After all, we were getting a 3 bedroomed semi-detatched house for £400.00pcm.

I struggled to find a job to start with which proved to be advantageous as when Matthew was born, my ex developed extreme PND which basically left me to do the day shift/night shift/early morning shift etc etc. I lived on the sofa with Matthew for the first 3 months.

Then when Matthew was 9 months old I found a job, and my ex slowly seemed to creep out of the PND, the money at the job wasn't a lot but it was fairly good (more than i'd ever earned before and I quite enjoyed the job). The only problem with the job was the commute, I would leave the house at approx 6:30am every morning and wouldn't get home until 7-8pm on a normal shift and as late as 10pm when I was working a late shift, I'd get home and my ex would expect me to go to the shop to pick things up that she could have gotten during the day, or cook dinner etc etc, getting dinner by 9pm was actually quite a privilege. Now i'm not against doing my share of the chores etc etc but after a tiring day's work and long commute, the last thing I wanted to do was to have to run around doing things that could have been done during the day while Matthew slept etc...

Fast Forward 18 months. Things started to go a bit sour in the relationship, she stopped talking to me, when she did talk to me she'd call me by my first name rather than my pet name, she stopped sleeping with me etc etc etc. many times I tried to talk to her about it and she'd just ignore me and let me carry on and then make out that all I ever did was have a go at her. She was lonely and bored due to not knowing anyone in the area, but she wasn't prepared to go to any mother and baby groups or to take matthew out to meet people etc.

she kept saying that she needed time to herself and I kept saying that I wanted to feel some affection from her so we came to an arrangement that a couple of evenings a week I would come in from work and disappear upstairs or out for a few hours once littl'un was in bed so that she could have some time to herself to chill, do whatever she wanted to do etc etc. but whenever I came back downstairs after those few hours she would announce almost instantaneously that she was going to bed and if I decided to go back upstairs with her she got arsey.

I got a promotion in my job so money became a little easier but she still didn't want to do anything, whenever we would make arrangements to go out as a couple, she would wait until an hour before we were due to leave and decide that she didn't want to go. but then a week later, her sister would invite her out and she'd just jump at the chance and I would end up sitting at home with Matthew and her sisters 1 year old kid. The first time this happened, they were supposed to be going bowling for a few hours, it got to 2:30am and there was no sign of them so I looked online to find out what time the bowling alley closed and it closed at 1:30am so when I tried to phone them I got no answer so I got a bit worried, eventually managed to get through to them at 4:15am and they'd decided to go out on the [censored] into town, which I didn't have a problem with but a bit of consideration to the fact that I was sitting at home looking after the children wouldn't have gone a miss to maybe make a quick phone-call to let me know what was happening.

In September we had a new team leader in my job and the company restructured, leaving my team doing the work of 3 different departments with very little training and lots of the procedures that we'd learned had changed. I was becoming extremely stressed with the situation at home and at work and had a mini-breakdown at work for which the doctor signed me off for 2 weeks. when I returned to work, even more procedures had changed and my team leader wouldn't ease off on my back, kept piling the work on, was making me a lot more stressed, which in turn was harming my relationship even more. I tried to talk to my ex about it but by this point she was flat out ignoring me constantly so I handed my notice in at work, thinking that if I left on my terms I could get references and it would show that I left voluntarily, rather than getting disciplined/sacked for making mistakes.

2 weeks after that she dumped me.

I moved out the following day because I didn't feel that I could stay in the house with a girl who I love so much but who didn't want to be with me. I stayed at some friends until I received my final months wages and I managed to secure a room in a house.

The room is tiny, it's smaller than my sons bedroom at my ex's house. There is no possible way I can have him overnight, and even if I could, there is an alcoholic living in the room next to me who gets aggressive when he's had a few so I refuse to have Matthew here overnight on that basis. but I am allowed to go and spend the day at my ex's house practically whenever I want to and it's convenient for her as she can go out to appointments and things without having to take Matthew with her.

I am not currently working so I am not paying any child support, but I do give her money out of each of my girocheques to put towards things that she needs for herself and Matthew, plus the times I look after him for her when she needs to go to an appointment or what-not, so I feel I am doing my bit for support. I am named as the father on the Birth Certificate and I do accept parental responsibility for him, after all, I'd wanted children since I was 16 so why wouldn't I?

I talked to her about taking Matthew down to the town we moved from for a weekend as that is where my support group are, lots of my friends have kids as well so he can play with them etc, she said that she was afraid that I would kidnap him (this stems from the fact that my father kidnapped my sister and I when him and my mother divorced nearly 20 years ago). I have assured her that I would never do anything that would jeopardize my ability to see and spend time with Matthew but she wouldn't let me. She wouldn't even let me take him to see my parents because she doesn't like my sister as she has let us down on many an occasion regarding visiting and what-not.

Anyway. I was speaking to her today and finally managed to get her to agree to let me take him. She know all of my friends from the town we're going to and she trusts them all (allegedly), after speaking to my friends to make sure it was okay for us to stay. I messaged her on facebook to give her the dates I wanted, she'd said to give her at least 3 weeks notice so I arranged it for the 3rd - 6th August. she instantly demanded to know where we would be staying, and wanted the names, addresses and telephone numbers of EVERYONE that I may or may not go and visit while i'm there, she says that she is entitled to this information.

my question is, Do I have to give her this information? I don't mind but it almost feels like a police escorted itinerary. she has also told me that if I take him anywhere other than where i've told her, she can report me to the police as a kidnapper!?