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Hi all,
I've been served with a non-molestation and occupancy order by my ex and I have two children who live with her (my son will be 1yr in Oct, my daughter 3yrs in Oct). Just like most other people on here that I've read about, my ex's official sworn statement was full of lies and exaggerations. She claimed that even though I was her full-time carer for over three years, I was a violent and abusive partner (which is total BS, pardon my French).
The only time I've ever had contact with the police was when she got me arrested for affray (was released without charge after 16hrs in a cell and two psychological evaluations) after she accused me of threatening her and the kids with a knife. I was getting help with mental health services for a year or two before that because of really bad depression (had self-harm issues and suicidal tendancies, bought on by being incorrectly given medication - I have now been cleared of all mental diagnoses), and she has basically used this against me (again, even though there has never been any violence at all).
Anyway, I was served with this approximately three and a half months ago. Sadly she was entitled to Legal Aid, and because I was accused of being an "abuser", I was not entitled. Nor can I afford any form of legal representation, so I have been trying to deal with this pretty much by myself.
I'm now at the stage where I have a CPS worker coming to visit me for an interview, which my wife and children have apparently already done. I'm not worried about seeing the officer at all, as at the end of the day I have nothing to hide. The main thing that concerns me is my next court hearing in Oct. I've been umming and arring about requesting to take an undertaking, and just need to know the pros and cons of doing this.
My main priority at the moment is simply to be able to see my children again. I've read about "reasonable access", which would permit me to see the kids on important days, e.g. their birthdays. What I haven't been able to find out is if I can request reasonable access even though a non-molestation and occupancy order is in place.
I now live about 80-odd miles away from my ex and kids, so realistically would only be able to see them a couple of times a month, just because of finances and logistics (I don't drive, she does, but can't see her doing anything to help me).
I also strongly suspect that her new boyfriend (even though we're still technically married and no divorce process has started) has been "playing Daddy". Where do I stand on this? I don't have any proof but obviously have a huge concern about how this could potentially confuse the kids. Is it worth me mentioning this fear to the CPS worker, or could it be considered me just basically s**t-stirring?
Any further advice that you guys could give would be HUGELY appreciated!
Many thanks,
Pan
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Edit: I had previously typed CAFCASS officer; after thinking about it, it's actually a Child Protective Services worker that's coming to see me. Sorry for any confusion!
Heya Pan,
sounds like an all too familiar situation unfortunately. If you can show her to be difficult/full of shite then apply to revoke it. If its gonna be tricky consider the undertaking and that YOU DO NOT ACCEPT HER ALLEGATIONS. Given you live 80 miles away it would be stupid to think you would want to move back to the house. State you would be concerned if the orders remain she will always use it in ancillary relief and child contact proceedings.
Personally your tact sounds right - concentrate on the kids. Get some fixed access.
I believe as a parent you have a right to know who your children are exposed to so you could ask the courts to shed more light, but based on your posting dont expect an honest answer.
Just ask for contact - try and reason with her. It may be that she plays the game that you start off in a contact centre, then work your way up. Im afraid its a case of sucking it up jumping through the hoops but you will get there my friend 🙂 chin up son
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