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My little boy is coming up 6 weeks old on saturday, Ive seen him 4 times so far since hes been born couldnt last week due to the snow we had so couldnt get over to wales.
Now at the moment things were as civil as they could be between me and the mother and then the last couple fo weeks she has just been plain horrible.
She has said my access is once a wk on a saturday for a hour and will only be when her boyfriend is there with her, reason for it being a saturday is her little 3 yr old wont be there and she doesnt want me seeing her any more ive not got an issue with this as if she doenst want me to see her that is her choice so no argument there.
I have had some legal advice through work about access and was pretty much told that ther eis no maximun or minimum that i should have, even if i went to court they may not grant anymore than i have been getting at the moment.
she hasnt put me on the birht certificate and ive already read up on the PR subject so I understand that side.
a couple of things is there any other way i can get more access to my son? the legal team said to try and approach her with a plan which would mean as he gets older we could try to increase the time i spend but knowing my ex she wont budge an inch she has said its a hour a week or take me to court.
the other thing is where do i stand with maintenace payments and not being on the birth certificate? Ive been paying her maintence since we found out she was pregnant its never been a issue for me as i want to make sure he has everything he needs. its just a few people close to me have said i should stop paying until we sort things out? my personal view is that if i do this it will just cause more problems that there already are and ultimatley the money is for my son not her
just my head is in a pickle and not sure what to do the last thing i want is to do anythign and then for her to turn around and stop access altogether 🙁
Hi There,
The legal guys you have spoken to are right there is no hard and fast rule where children are concerned to how much time you will get to see them. Each case is different and would be treated as such if you ever went down the route of court (which you should consider but only as a last resort)
The idea of going to your ex with a planned out schedule of when you see your son is a great idea and increasing slowly as he gets older is a good plan too, ensure you factor in birthdays and christmas as well as school holidays (for when he is older) when you do this list think about your sons needs while he is young and more dependant on his mum, talk these things through with his mum maybe before comming up with the schedule to show you are thinking of whats best for your son.
If tyou aren't able to reach an agreement between you then consider mediation to see if you can reach a solid agreement.
It sounds though that you should be able to talk openly about this with your ex though so hopefully you should be ok.
Keep us posted and good luck.
Darren
Yeha you would hope that she would be open to discussion but she is impossible to speak with about that sort of thing. its her way or the highway i have mentioned to her about more access but as it stands she wont do anything and as said she said if im not happy with her current arrangement for me then to take her to court
anyone got advise on the child maintenance side of things?
Hi
You need to write her a letter or email asking her what you want, little and often is recommended at this age. Also the advise I was given at around 12 weeks the contact should be slowly moved away from the mother for an hour or 2 and building it up from there. If she refuses this cant you take her to court for PR and then get a contact order at the same time? (I am not sure about the not having PR and getting maybe someone else could advise on this)
As your not on the birth cert if you stopped paying her there is nothing the CSA can do. So no you dont have to pay her maintenance. But not paying maintenance isnt fair on the baby and it wouldnt look good if you took her to court
Hi
You need to write her a letter or email asking her what you want, little and often is recommended at this age. Also the advise I was given at around 12 weeks the contact should be slowly moved away from the mother for an hour or 2 and building it up from there. If she refuses this cant you take her to court for PR and then get a contact order at the same time? (I am not sure about the not having PR and getting maybe someone else could advise on this)
As your not on the birth cert if you stopped paying her there is nothing the CSA can do. So no you dont have to pay her maintenance. But not paying maintenance isnt fair on the baby and it wouldnt look good if you took her to court
well she has said she will put me on but not yet so that is yet to be seen and the reason she said this is because she doenst want me to have him at this stage by myself which in her eyes means i dont need PR etc but odd as i did explain to what it means but she was open to discussion on that and to be honest it was just causing another argument.
with the maintenace its one of those things where i would never want to do anything that would impact on my son so i see what your saying and the last thing i need is anything that could be used against me and esp if it shows ive not supported my son thats just going to work against me and not for me
but all that doesnt matter at the moment as i get to see my little boy tomorrow and thats all thats matters
Assuming you are sure he is your little boy, then morally you should be paying to support him irrespective of contact issues - at the very least, I'd set up a savings account and put 15% of your takehome pay into this, at the very least, it will cushion you should she get in touch with the CSA.
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