[Solved] obstructive ex ?

Hi Gem,

There are some 'birds' on here, so you're not alone. 😀
Any chance you can persuade him to come on here ?

Yeah i might do, don't know if he will though.

Thanks for getting back to me 😀

OK, well it doesn't have to be you or him, it can be both 🙂

Hi Gem

I'm sorry your friend's brother is going through this with his ex, sadly it's a common theme on the Dadtalk site, you only have to read through some of the other posts on the Legal Eagle forum to get an insight into what can happen when a relationship breaks down and there are children involved. Children are always the ones who suffer the most in these cases.

It would be in his interests to try to keep the lines of communication open with his ex. He may want to consider and suggest mediation as a starting point if they are not going to be able to sort anything out together on an informal basis. Mediation is all about reaching an agreement that will be in the interests of their baby, who deserves to have an involved dad in her life, even if he isn't with her mother. He can get advice about mediation through the Family Mediation Helpline 0845 60 26 627, http://www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk and also through Families Need Fathers, 0300 0300 363, http://www.fnf.org.uk who will understand the issues here.

If this fails then going to court, hopefully a last resort, would be next but it would go in his favour if he has shown to be willing to attend mediation initially.

I hope this is helpful and give him some much needed advice at this difficult time.

Dear Gem,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologise for the delay in responding to your query.

At present the mother does have the ability to control contact as she has the child living with her, and a resident parent can control the contact that anyone else has with a child until the child is of an age to decide for themselves (absolutely at 16 years old, but sometimes younger depending on the child’s maturity) or a court order is put into place. This is because contact is the right of a child and not a parent and whilst the child is too young to make decisions for themselves it falls to the resident parent or the court to make the decisions regarding this matter.

The first step for a parent in trying to establish contact is to try and negotiate with the other parent, using mediation if necessary. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610.

If mediation is not successful then the father is able to make an application to court for a contact order. This is an order that states the dates and times that the child is to spend with the father and the mother is bound to comply with this and may be penalised if she does not.

To apply to court a parent is able to instruct a solicitor to act on their behalf or to represent themselves. If they choose to represent themselves they can download forms C100, CB1 and CB3 from www.hmcs.gov.uk . Once the C100 is completed this should be filed at the Family Proceedings Court closest to the child’s home with the relevant fee of £200.

With regards to what rights the father has, he will have Parental Responsibility if he was married to the mother at the time of the child’s birth or any time after it (even if they are now divorced), he is named on the child’s birth certificate and the child was registered after 1/12/2003, he has acquired it by an official PR agreement with the mother or he has gained this as a result of a court order.

Parental Responsibility does not affect the above position with contact, but gives the father a right to a say in the major decisions affecting the child’s life, such as education, religion, travel abroad, the child’s name and medical treatment and he will be able to challenge any decision the mother makes in these areas in court if he does not agree with what she has decided. It will also give the father the right to view records held about the child, such as school, medical or Social Services records.

If it is thought that the mother is not mentally stable and her behaviour places the child at risk of harm, then the father is able to contact the Social Services regarding his concerns and they will decide whether or not there is reason for them to look into this. The father is also able to raise his concerns to the court if he does decide to make any applications and they will decide whether this should have an effect on court proceedings.

We hope this information is useful to you, should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre