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hi all, new to the fourm but have been reading for a few weeks now, my case is back in court 13/7/10 I was wondering if the CLC could shed some light on my best possibal course of action
Me and the mother seperated before my daughter was born
My daughter is 2 years old end of next month, when whe was first born I could see her daily when ever I liked after the birth was registered (together thankfully) mother started to invite me to stay over to try and start the relationship again, at this point she was told about the new partner, at this point contact was droped to once a week when her other kids were out, this after 4 weeks was stoped for her safty (yup she's another nut case) I then didn't see my daughter for months, luckily for me only 3-4 months then as my ex was being "reasonable" I got to see my daughter in a contact center for 1 hour every 2 weeks court papers were issued as soon as she stoped me seeing my daughter for the first time (they were issued via solicitor) I didn't see my daughter on her first christmas due to all the going's on.
Got to court in the january of 2009 where the court's set out I saw my daugher every week for 2 hours at a supervised contact center, where I had to travel 15 miles each way AND pay for mother's traveling expenses aswell ! this was all while I was unemployed, so after 10 weeks the contact center gave me a glowing report saying I was more than capable of looking after my little girl, contact was then set via the court once a week for 4 hours at a time, collecting and picking my daughter up from the local supermarket off mothers mate (this lasted all of 2 weeks) the court had set a final hearing 2 months after this, at the fianl hearing I had got mother to agree to 10 - 5 saturdays, and 1 sleep over a month this was all writen down and granted by the courts as a good idea with futher contact to be made between us
Since then contact has been fantastic, I have had my daughter every weekend with out fail, and most of the week aswell, my daughter has pratically lived with me, last august she spent 1 day with mother and the rest of the time living with me (I even had my daughters sister at mine the whole time to) between jan 2010 and june 2010 (when mother got the new court papers) my daughter has spent over 60% of her life here with me, mother got court papers and withdrew all contact texting me saying it was all my own fault ect...
I have now applied for shared residency, and a specific issue order this is for my upcoming wedding and the honeymoon afterwards
Mother has agreed I can take my daughter on holiday but must say within the UK I'm due to go to spain (is she able to set where I go on holiday?) she is saying if I take my daughter out the country it may upset my daughter's brother and 2 sisters (all older than my daughter to mother's pervious partner)
so my question's are :-
Can I use text's in court to show how unreasonable mother is ?
Can mother dictate to me what I do with my daughter and where I take her ?
Will cafcass be asked to look into the case as it's residency ?
Will the court's look at her behaviour since getting the papers and take her behaviour into consideration (ie what I have to put up with)
Do I need to make consideration's for my daughter's brother and sister's?
Mother is "concerned" that I won't bring my daughter back if I leave the country, yet I return my daughter perfectly on time every time I see her, will the court's even think she's telling the truth ?
Mother has issue's with drinking, do I mention this in court ?
many thanks in advnce for your help, long winded I know
Hi Luke,
The Childrens Legal Centre are unable to answer queries on the forum until after the 13th July 2010. Can I in this instance, as your court date is so close, suggest that you call their advice line on 08088 020 008 where an advisor would be happy to help you with these questions.
good luck with the case - Could you pop back and let us know what the CLC advisors says regarding your queries as I'm sure it will be helpful to other members of the community.
Regards
Gooner
Hi Luke,
A lot of ground to cover, and I agree that you should ring the CLC for advice, but I'll go through what I can as well
Can I use text's in court to show how unreasonable mother is ?
Absolutely - anything relevant should be disclosed to the court. Make sure that you don't react to any texts if possible, and include all texts, don't 'cherry pick' - that way you are presenting a complete picture to the court.
Can mother dictate to me what I do with my daughter and where I take her ?
If there is a residence order in her favour, then you are not allowed to take her out of the country (the person in whose favour the residence order is made can take her out of the country for up to 4 weeks at a time) - the court can make a specific order relating to your honeymoon.
Will cafcass be asked to look into the case as it's residency ?
It's up to the court, if they think that further enquiries are needed (for instance, if there is no agreement and a big difference in your and your ex's stories), then they may ask for Cafcass to become involved - it's nothing to be worried about.
Will the court's look at her behaviour since getting the papers and take her behaviour into consideration (ie what I have to put up with)
Absolutely - it's all part of a picture you are painting. Keep any texts (transcribe them out, don't expect the court to look at your phone) and keep a diary accurately describing events (good and bad).
Do I need to make consideration's for my daughter's brother and sister's?
If it affects your daughter - and then relationship with her siblings certainly will - then consideration will need to be given, but so will her relationship with you. A compromise on this should certainly be feasible.
Mother is "concerned" that I won't bring my daughter back if I leave the country, yet I return my daughter perfectly on time every time I see her, will the court's even think she's telling the truth ?
She would have to convince the court that there was a basis for her beliefs.
Mother has issue's with drinking, do I mention this in court ?
How serious are these issues? The question a court may ask is that if the issues are so serious, then why is your daughter living with her mother instead of with you - and the fact that you haven't raised this before may cast doubt on the validity of your concerns - certainly you need to tread carefully with this one unless you are considering going for residence.
Hope this helps - use my answers to focus your thoughts when you speak to CLC, you certainly need their advice before you get to court
hi actd,
thanks for your replies, I will get in touch with CLC and report back, but to pick your brian's a little further, ir to give you more insight
Mother has issue's with drinking, do I mention this in court ?
How serious are these issues? The question a court may ask is that if the issues are so serious, then why is your daughter living with her mother instead of with you - and the fact that you haven't raised this before may cast doubt on the validity of your concerns - certainly you need to tread carefully with this one unless you are considering going for residence.
Mother's issues regarding drink are 40 can's of fosters in 3 days ( when my daughter wasn't there), then she had asked me to pick her more up, it's always been an issued and simply never rasied as
A) Never known who I should raise the issues with
b) My daughter previous to the new court paper's being issued spend over 60% of her time with me, never spending any more than 2 nights at a time with her mother so I never looked into this any further
Mother drink's regularly and used to keep asking me to pick it up for her on the way back
I have kept selected text's since december last year but over the past few months have kept everything, it's all copied out like transcript and kept on my phone in case they ask to prove there real (she will scream black is blue, and recently I contacted her solicitor with a part transcript from a selected day where mother completely denind all text comments and made up her own version of event which her solicitor relayed to me)
Mother currently has a residence order however in these court papers I have applied for a specific issue order and a joint residence order
Ideally I would like cafcas to get involved as personaly I think this would work in my favor long term, I can provied such a better home for my daughter where she has her own room yet at mothers she shares with 1 if not 2 sisters at times (her eldest sister 14 no longer lives with mother instead she lives with grandma around the corner) this I feel would be in my favour as it shows I'm not trying to break up a family unit as it's alread broken
lastly, the new partner a power tripping prat (to be nice) he has now taken intervention insisting I text him only and not mother, he now bring's my daughter out to me instead of mother, he will clock watch untill 6pm (time mother set for collection) on the dot or later no matter what time I arrive altho before these court papers I could pick my daughter up what ever time I arrived
now to be honest the new partner supprise's me a little missing out on his kids life's when they grewn up choosing to live down in the south somewhere and chosing a life of drugs (now reformed just on legal drugs anti-depresents)
I'm hoping to show the courts that they are both unreasonable and that contact between myself and my daughter has been completly altered for no reason other than the court papers being issued
OK, you have to consider that - initially at least - her drinking could be a matter of your word against hers (and her new partner will probably back her up) unless you can provide proof.
If you think she is drunk a lot of the time when she's in charge of your daughter, then you should consider having a word with social services. However, bear in mind that social services first attempts may well be to ensure your daughter's safety and wellbeing whilst leaving her with her mother, but let them know that you are very willing to have her live with you (and that she has, until recently, lived with you for the majority of the time) - that gives them an easy second option to consider if they feel that they can't work with your ex to provide a satisfactory outcome.
The next step to consider is applying for a residence order. The courts are generally reluctant to move a child from their home unless there is a very good reason for doing so - alcoholism isn't a reason on it's own, if it is being managed or addressed, but if it's contributing towards the neglect of your daughter, then that would certainly help. The problem you have is proving it. If her drinking has been excessive and sustained over a period of time, then a liver function test will help - the court can order that she provides this if they think that there may be a problem. Liver tests are not absolute proof, but they certainly add supporting evidence to your argument - may be worth taking a look at Trimega labs website and reading about the tests and interpretation of the results - you are looking for variations from the normal and the main one you want is GGT. A report from Social Services would help here, which is why it is worth talking to them.
Another option, which is more drastic, and you have to be very sure of the grounds for doing so, is to remove your daughter from her mother and apply for an emergency order for residence. There would have to be some imminent danger to your daughter to do this, and you would need an agency with you to do this - either social services or the police - otherwise you will be comitting an offence (abduction). GET LEGAL ADVICE before you consider this step. However, if you do this (aside from the fact that there was danger, and she should have been removed), you then have the report of the agency involved to back you up, and a court is more likely to grant the residence order, either permanently, or until further reports have been done, and the longer she is with you, the less likely the court is to return her to her mother later on, as this would be disruptive to her, especially if you can show that you are providing a stable life for her.
Hope this all helps - but as I said before, seek legal advice and use what I have suggested as a basis for questions and advice
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