[Solved] Overnight access...

Hi AndieMac,

Hope we can be of help. Her motives do seem very questionable.

If she has a Solicitor now requesting in writing what the arrangements are for overnight stays... rather than going and spending money on a Solicitor, the first port of call i would recommend is for him to write a letter himself to the Solicitor. This would need to be something along the following lines:

Dear Sir,

RE: Your Client: [EX's NAME]

I write to inform that the Contact arrangements are as follows:

• 9am Saturday until 7pm on Sunday every weekend
• Skype Contact nightly, usually before bed

This overnight Contact occurs at my parents: [ADDRESS], [POSTCODE]. This is something [EX's NAME] has long since been aware of and thus i find this highly unusual. Contact must now be re-instated with immediate effect.

Yours faithfully,

[Signature]

Your Name

^ Something similar to that should suffice, a common occurrence may be that she will have her Solicitor instructed again to state that she will "only agree once a Solicitor has put this in writing"... if this happens post back, and i can give a more assertive draft of a letter. I hope that everything can be arranged and that the above is sufficient.

As always, any other questions, please feel free to post back.

Thanks for the swift reply Yoji.
The request for a letter has been from her, not a solicitor. I drafted him a letter (similar to yours) to send to her and she sent him a message calling it "laughable" and "not a legal letter". Originally all she asked for was "written notification" of where the boys would be staying but now she's demanding a proper solicitor's letter (we presume because he gave her what she wanted she's changed the boundaries to suit herself...her all over). But as I say, none of this has come from a solicitor. Everything she does is through text or instant message which is infuriating and immature but gives us proof of exactly what she's said and when.
In your opinion would mediation be a waste of time for them?

Hi AndieMac,

I would just inform her that a Solicitors letter is not legal either, and she has to accept what you have provided.

Mediation is a bit of a mixed bag in honesty. If you have to pay for Mediation, it can often turn out more expensive than Court (if you are self representing) and can often drag on, if a party misses an appointment, there is still a fee to pay and the biggest gripe i have with it is that nothing is binding, there is no fall back.

The biggest plus point (and there aren't many) to it i would argue is that it tries to encourage parents to talk to each other and or learn to talk to each other.

In my opinion, it may be worth offering it in a letter, and stating in that letter that if she doesn't want to attend Mediation, then it will go to Court at the earliest opportunity to seek guaranteed contact.

Thanks again.
I think he can get legal aid but he's self employed so it's a bit uncertain. I've told him to go to CAB to see about this then maybe try mediation. I suspect she'll get fed up with this method before he does or just prove how unreasonable she is!

Due to my partner's ex continuing to be unreasonable and stubborn we decided to resend the letter regarding the overnight accommodation and included a side note asking for resumed telephone contact during the week and broaching the subject of mediation.
Her response to this was to text him saying that access to the boys was now going to be denied and any contact was now to be made through solicitors (but did not provide him with her solicitors details and has ignored the request to do so)
Is the fact that she has constantly moved the goalposts regarding access and has now ignored an attempt to reach a mutual agreement through mediation in his favour?
He believes that currently she holds all the cards and he's got no legs to stand on at court but I am trying to convince him otherwise.
Most contact between them over the last few months has been via text so is documented and we have copies of the letter that was sent this week.

My partner has now not seen his children since 21st July (simply because they had a day out with him, me and my children!) Also no telephone contact has been had for over 6 weeks as she simply won't answer!
We have been in contact with her solicitor since August but things are going round and round in circles (they're pushing mediation heavily, I researched them to discover her actual solicitor is a member of a mediation group!) The last contact we had was to agree to a "family meeting" with one of her parents and one of his parents present to agree on routine and a start date for contact to resume every other weekend....that was 6 weeks ago! We chased her solicitor outlining our concerns that she is purposely dragging her heels so that we can not have access over Christmas, they have responded today saying they have still not had her response regarding the details of this meeting. Surely even they realise that 6 weeks to decide this is stupid?!
We are now worried as last Christmas my partner took the boys home after his (last minute) agreed access to find her drunk, when he said he was not leaving them with her in that state and would bring them back in the morning when she was sober, she then assaulted him. She was arrested and cautioned. We have heard from a family friend that her parents have now separated. She has a history of depression and self harm but can put on a pleasant demeanour to fool others when the need arises so none of our concerns have ever been taken seriously, even when we suspected she was having a breakdown earlier in the year.
I have been advised by a friend that we can contact CAFCASS ourselves and ask for them to carry out an assessment, is this right?

I'm not sure whether it would be cafcass - I would have though it would be more likely to be childrens services.

I'll ask the CCLC whether it's something they can advise on, so keep checking back here.

...I think you're right there actd.

CAFCASS stands for Childrens And Families Court Advisory Support Services. They are the body that are asked by the court to make a report, a non-partisan assessment of the situation, rather than rely on the accounts provided by the parents. In many cases these reports will contain firm recommendations, and in most instances the court will follow them.

If you feel that the children are art risk then you should speak to the Social Services. They are very loathe to act, but if you insist that the children are at risk then they should investigate. However this course of action will most likely anger the mother and she could retaliate by refusing contact point blank, as women like this think nothing of using their children as weapons. Having said that, she is withholding contact anyway so theres not a lot to lose.

As far as going round and round with the solicitors and not getting anywhere, I suggest you write to her solicitor outlining the steps you have already taken with them to try and resolve the issue of contact, and the fact that no response has been forthcoming. Say that you feel you have been more than reasonable and patient, but that if nothing is arranged within the next 14 days you will have no choice but apply for contact throught the courts. Keep a copy of the letter and send it recorded signed for delivery.

Please reassure your partner that he does have rights and the courts consider that contact with both parents is what is best for the children.

Good luck with it all 🙂

Hi AndieMac

If you and your partner have concerns about the welfare of his children whilst they are in the care of the mother then Nannyjane is right you should contact Social Services with these concerns and request they look into the welfare of the children. You would not normally contact CAFCASS as they would normally be appointed to look into the children’s welfare as part of the court process if anyone applied for an order in the future.

The reason the other side may be pressing for mediation so hard is that the courts now expect people to try and go through mediation before making any court application. If the mother continues not to communicate over contact and regarding this family meeting we would first suggest that your partner does try and go through mediation to help come to an agreement without the need to go to court. He can try and organise this through her solicitor but if he is uncomfortable with that he can contact National Family Mediation for more information on mediation and help in organising it himself, there number is 03004000636.

If the mediation does not work or the mother refuses to go through mediation your partner would have to apply to court for a Contact Order, which if granted would be legally binding on the mother and force her to make their sons available for contact with your partner at the times stated in the order. He would need to make the application on form C100; this form is available online at www.justice.gov.uk or at your local County Court or Family Proceedings Court. There are two guidance leaflets available from the same sources that can help him fill this form in, they are called CB1 and CB3. This form should be filed at the family proceedings court most local to where the children live.

It is worth noting that the courts do see contact as the right of child and would normally only refuse contact when there is a strong welfare concern. Whilst deciding whether to grant a Contact Order the court will consider what is in the best interests of the children’s welfare, in order to do this they go through the welfare checklist:

• Wishes and feelings of the child (weight given to these feelings depends on the age of the child, more weight being given to a child over the age of 11).
• Childs physical, emotional and educational needs.
• Effect of any change on the child.
• The age, [censored] and background of the child.
• Any harm which the child has suffered or may suffer.
• How capable each parent is of meeting the Childs needs.

Unfortunately if the mother refuses to come to an agreement before Christmas it is unlikely that any Contact Order would be made before then so your partner may not be able to see his sons over Christmas. You may wish to contact the court in advance of any application to see how long they normally take to process these sorts of applications as it can vary from court to court.

If you require any further advice please do not hesitate to contact us. Our advice line phone service on 0808 802008 is available Mon-Fri between 8:00-20:00, and our online web chat service at www.childrenslegalcentre.com is available Mon-Fri between 09:00-18:00.

Regards

CORAM Children’s Legal Centre