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Hi all out there,
I need some help please from the community with the "rules" and tips surrounding decisions to grant overnight access to fathers when their child is under 3 -
I think that there maybe different views of parents being granted overnight access - old fashioned and I understand out dated social workers, although still advising courts tend to lean toward NO overnight access until they are 4 yrs - this sounds totally crazy as bonds are also nurtured and develpoped with parents earlier. is there any research to the contrary that anyone knows about or good case law or advice anyone can give in this area?
Having been through the courts and being awarded day access after separation because I was being denied access to see our child (suspect this is a typical sad story) and this been granted plus the indignity if a social worker assessment on both parties (because the mother had unfounded allegations which have been proved) and CRB checks, now we are back in court for overnight access,
I would like to know different views on this subject as I want to know if im likely to have a battle to again prove overnight access is considered beneficial if the social worker is "old school" - my observations to date is courts often only tend to "endorse" views - and regrettfully these social workers views and opinions on overnight differ widely - so I may need to get a second opinion.
regards
Hi there
How long ago were you granted day contact? If contact has been continuing unsupervised and without problems for the past six months or so then I would say you have a good chance of being awarded overnight stays.
The limitation on overnight stays is more to do with a babies needs for routine, breastfeeding, waking during the night, and things of that nature. Once that baby stage is over from the age of about 2, I think its safe to say that those arguments cant be used anymore.
If you have a bedroom prepared, you can take photos to show the court, you could also take photos of you with your child to show how bonded and happy you both are. Just use everything you can think of to show that you and the child are ready to move on to the next step. Have a planned timetable ready for the court to show that you have thought it through and are considerate of the mothers concerns. Perhaps start with a one night stay every other weekend for the first 3 months and then all being well increasing to a two night stay every other weekend for another 3 months. If that goes well you could then ask for a midweek stay as well. If parents work its usual for weekend stays to be alternated so that both parents have an opportunity to spend quality time with the child.
I have been granted 2 weekends day contact since going to court and now 1 day per week on a regular basis, Im going for overnight every other week and also a day evening in the week. The day contact (unsupervised) has been going on for over six months and our child is 2/12
The Independent social worker which I paid for says Im a good dad and in tune with our child’s needs, I have a room prepared for him and indeed he already sleeps in it every time I see him as is evidenced with photos provided to the court. The ISWs views is that overnight shouldn’t start until they are 4yesrs of age and has produced some research from Australia to indicate this can be detrimental even though there are no safeguarding issues stated which is totally bonkers, this again shows that there is no balanced consideration for fathers and their children, the default position seems to be its always presumed that he mother is the most appropriate carer and for them to be with the child.
Research isn’t law just a view and we have research to show the opposite – references to overnight contact for all those fathers out there is listed below – hopefully this will help them and prevent large legal bills from lawyers I I have had to pay by doing the research review and having to go through the court process to get to be a decent father, God help future generations of childen who we introduce into society who don’t have father figures in their lives – a balanced child need both mum and dad and this must surely be in the best interests of a fully functioning child who feels secure, loved and is rounded – im sure this is all we decent fathers want (a fair degree of access), when will the courts and legal system and people making money as “alleged experts” wake up and balance the tables
Lund M (1996). Parenting Arrangements In Divorce: Implications of Children’s Different Developmental Needs. Psychiatric Office, Family Law Section Los Angeles Superior Court
Kelly J. B (1991). Examining Resistance To Joint Custody. In J Folberg (Editor), Joint Custody and Shared Parenting. The Guildford Press (2nd edition): New York pp 55-62.
Kelly J. B., & Lamb M. E (2000). Using Child Development Research To Make Appropriate Custody and Access Decisions. Family and Conciliation Court’s Review. 38: 297-311
Warshak R. A (October 2000). Blanket Restrictions: Overnight Contact Between Parents And Young Children. Family And Conciliation Courts Review. 4(38): 422-445
Fay R. E (1985). Joint Custody of Infants and Toddlers. Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality. 19(8): 134-139
‘Using child development research to make appropriate custody and access decisions for young children’
- Family and Conciliation Courts Review
- Joan Kelly and Michael Lamb
‘Overnights and overkill: post-divorce contact for infants and toddlers’
- South African Journal of Psychology
- Martin Strous
‘Special considerations for infants and toddlers in separation/divorce: Developmental issues in the family law context’
- Encyclopaedia on Early Childhood Development
- Jennifer E McIntosh PhD
‘Contact Arrangements for Young Children’
- University of Sydney Faculty of Law
- Judy Cashmore and Patrick Parkinson
Age Appropriate Visitation
‘Age-Appropriate Visitation’
- www.life.familyeducation.com
‘Things you need to know about parenting plans for children under 3 years old’
- Family Law Centre
- Melanie Kraft
‘Caring for children after parental separation: would legislation for shared parenting time help children?’
- University of Oxford
- Belinda Fehlberg, Bruce Smyth et al
‘Child contact with non-resident parents’
- University of Oxford
- Joan Hunt and Ceridwen Roberts
‘A Letter to the Court’
- Attachment Parenting International
- Dr Isabelle Fox
‘Time Sharing Guidelines’
- www.mediate.com
- William F Hodges
‘Overnight contact with child extended’ & ‘Children too young for overnight stays’
- Family Law Matters
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
