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Parenting classes - What are they?
I have been instructed to take "parenting classes" as part of the (as yet unfinalised) contact agreement.
During our 7 year relationship there were incidents of D.V. by both parties ( mainly verbal and emotional but with 3 actual physical assaults 2 on my part - 1 on hers NONE involved the children). I was convicted on 1 account and had to attend a IDAPPS programme. Because of concerns by Social Services my children were placed on an "At Risk" reguister and my partner was positivly encouraged to leave me by Social Services with the threat of "If you stay with him WE WILL have to take your children into care". We decided to live separatly and finish the relationship.
For 2 years i would visit my children when given permission by the mother to do so. This would be for 4 hours every saturday but this trickled down to 90 minutes per month and always at her parents house. When i decided to get contact tied down by law, All visitation was stopped and the legal battle began - This was in Oct 2008. Since then i have had a full police report of the incidents (including 1 threat with a firearm(?),3 hair tests for alcohol and drugs, 2 psychiatric assessments, 4 cafcass reports, 23 court appearances including 3 final hearings and 1 neurology examination. Cafcass has since found out that my children were told what to say by the mother when they visited and that the children had been poisoned against me (Parental Alienation Syndrome).
And now i am meant to attend Parenting classes befor i can get supervised access.
What are they and how can i get them? local council do not know, Social Services are unhelpful, C.A.B. are not aware of these Even my solicitor ("Family Law a Speciality") is not sure. Google does not help. CAN YOU?
As it happens I can.
Here is a link to the online Triple P course run by the Family Matters Institute.
Have a look and let me know what you think.
Gooner
Thank you Goonerplum for the link.
After looking at it i will be signing up for the home version to get a further insight but unfortunatly this will not be enough. The order i have states that "the cafcass report and the psychological report be disclosed to the course tutor" and that "attendance" be comfirmed by said tutor in writing after completion. This means it has to be face to face either 1 on 1 or group. It also has to be approved by the Cafcass officer who has been appointed to this case. This was ordered on the 20 Dec 2012 and I am meant to finish the course 10 days prior to the next hearing which is sometime in the second half of March 2013.
Apparently this has nothing to do with D.V. or the reports and is only because my children are now 11 and 7 and i have not seen them for 4 years. It was made at the suggestion of her solicitor as a means to prolong the case and hope that i give up.
Your local Children's Centre will have details of classes going on in your area - why not have a chat with them.
I'm surprised that CAFCASS are not able to point you in the right direction. Have you tried speaking to them about classes ?
Gooner
First thing both me and my solicitor did after we received the draft copy of the court order was to contact Cafcass. No reply has been received by either of us despite follow up letters by recorded delivery been sent. It would appear that the reciprient is ignoring the letters and a further telephone call (with message left) has also been ignored. I personnally believe cafcass are in league with the mothers groups and are biased.
I have just finished a letter to my solicitor asking him to request the attendance of the cafcass officer in court next time so she can respond to this and also some 49 eronious statements in her last report which have no foundation.
On a posative note it would appear that SureStart do 1to1 courses and although i still am not sure what "parenting Courses" are, this will be followed up.
Separated Parents Information Programme
The Separated Parents Information Programme (SPIP) is currently delivered by National Family Mediation and its local providers. It is funded by the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass).
The SPIP helps parents (in some cases grand or step-parents) that are applying to the courts for divorce; separation or contact with children. It is focused on co-parenting after separation. The needs of children are central to the course. It is important to note that it is mandatory for parents to participate if they have been given an order / referral by the Judge to attend. A SPIP is a 4 hour programme (parents can choose one, four hour session or two, two hour sessions) which looks at the emotional and parenting aspects of separation. Parents will not attend the course together, but rather will be separately referred. The course is free for all parents.
Indeed, the goal running throughout the SPIP is to get separated parents working together in the best interests of their children. So you’ll be informed about the impact of conflict on children and about the ways in which children are often (unintentionally) placed in the middle of parents’ disagreements.
Thank you ak57
I have to attend this Tomorrow for 4 hours for the first session and then will be given a date for the follow up course, In which my ex should be present, so i hope they can be of help. I personnally believe that my ex will not attend the sessions as she refused mediation at the start of the proceedings and has been placing blocks in my way ever since even to the point of coaching my 7 year old to tell cafcass that he "remembers me pushing mummy down the stairs while i was still in her belly". Of course this was not the case and was proof of coaching.
If she does not turn up what will the courts do? Fine her- no because this may impact on the children, Jail her- No because this will impact on the children and has NEVER been done in a British court, Give me custody - I wish but this will not happen. No all she will get is a repremand and told she must attend, Pushing the court dates back and costing me even more money which i can ill afford.
The courts will not even consider charging her for cost's. Her attitude is that this is a game with the prize being the children.
Hi good luck with the course. From what I can gather its teaching parents what effects it has on the children when you row and split up. Its a shame she didnt go to mediation. I know how frustrating this is, We as a family are going through the same control. You are doing your best and remember thats all you can do. I think these woen should be punished there are also women that know how to play the game to get there way and yet again its the poor children and dads and extended family that are punished. If only these women could see what effect this will have in the future, they go with the line, Im only doing this for my child its for the best , Im the mother I know best, well its not , in my eyes its the oppisite and its bad parenting .
A very strange course to be sent on. The idea of the the course is to minimise the trauma of the children involved in separation cases and is well meaning. Explaining to the children in a passive manner what is going to happen when you split and how it will affect them, giving them options of who to live with, why you are separating and generally how it will impact on them BUT of the 12 people in class today ALL had already separated so it seemed pointless. A case of shutting the stable door after the horse has run off. This took up some 2 1/2 hours of the 4 hour course.
The other 90 minutes were spent on communicating with your ex, which at least had some validity to it. controlling your anger and defusing situations when they arise and this, i believe, everybody related to.
The handbook and guides are well presented and you have to complete an online study (which i have not done yet) and also, because the classes are mixed [censored], you do get feedback from mothers who are experiencing simular situations.
The second phase is a mediation type meeting with your ex ( with an impartial mediator type person present) so you can say what you are feeling and try to iron out some of the key concerns / issues you may have.
I personally would have liked this at the start of my court "battle" and see it as a way forward if mediation cannot be agreed upon as it would save court time and money. Then if any agreement is reached in terms of initial access this could be passed to the court to make it official and binding. If no agreement is reached then it has to be dealt with through the court and a transcript of what was offered can be assessed as reasonable or unreasonable by the judge and s/he can make his/her decition accordingly.
session 1 down, 1 to go.
Oh yes forgot to mention free tea/coffee and tesco sandwiches.
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