[Solved] Parental Responbilities

Hi there 🙂

Having read your post, apart from feeling for you and your wife, and the child stuck in the middle of it all, I'm not as conversant with Scottish Law, so the only thing I can suggest is that you contact the SCLC. They will be able to advise you about how to go forward legally in Scotland. Heres a link -

www.sclc.org.uk

best of luck 🙂

From checking up on Scottish law, they have brought PR into line with English law and therefore if you are father, which you have proved via DNA, you can make an application to the Court for parental responsibility. As in English law, there are very few reasons as to why the Court should not grant it. She has been very naughty if she has known since the baby was 3 months old.

She now knows the truth and it is against the law for another man's name (who is not the father) to be on the Birth Certificate. I am surprised the Mediator did not tell her that. I can understand her wanting you to prove yourself as a father if it was you who did the running. Not fair of her to say that when she has not told you!

I am glad you are having some contact, and it is far better for it to take place in a Contact Centre, and at least mediation attempted to progress it forward in a fair way too!

You would be entitled to make an application to the Court for Parental Responsibility. You can easily do this yourself , in the UK the application is £200 unless your income is low enough you would be entitled to exemption from court fees (which is worth exploring!) , to keep costs down you could make the application yourself and instruct a solicitor if you want to at the hearing. There are very few reasons a Court does not grant PR.

You could even make an application and contact order together, which is probably cheaper than individually, as you should only have to pay for 1 application.

On saying that, I had a quick look, there is more information here on obtaining PR in Scotland
http://www.scotcourts.gov.uk/taking-action/ordinary-cause

Others on here may have applied in Scotland and no doubt will reply to your query too 🙂

Hi to All,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post and most of all, thanks for the replies.
I've spoke to the Scottish Child Law Centre and I was strongly advised that the first thing I should first do would be to get the name of my boyfriend of my ex removed from the birth certificate.
I then spoke to the General Registration Unit-National Records of Scotland and was advised that I must go to court and apply for the Decree Of Parentage/Non Parentage Section 18 A (1) Of The Registration of Birth,Deatth and Marriage Scotland Acts 1965 and provide the Legal DNA test results (which I had done already) and this would subsequently remove the name of my ex boyfriend.
I was advised that, the birth certificate would remain with no father details as a parental consent would be required to add my name on. As my ex isn't keen to do that, I will need to apply to the court again.

TSCLC advised me not to bother applying yet to be added on the birth certificate as I've just known my little boy and the judge might see that it isn't in the best interests of the child-especially that both parents are in war.
It appears that as the father (assuming that I have succeed in get her boyfriend name removed), I automatically get PR on Education but Health and other welfare ain't automatic as my ex will need to agree or the judge would grant them.

I rang few firms in Edinburgh to see if they can assist to apply for that Decree. Guess what?! They are charging me £300 per hour just for telephone conversation. No fat chance I can afford that.
I rang the LegalAid in Scotland and I wasn't successful as my wife wage is taking into account when doing the calculation if I meet the threshold. Very sad and disappointed.
I am getting nowhere with this!
Can I apply for that whatever Decree myself?!
I wonder if CAB in Scotland would help in the application?!

This is getting me depressed!

Hi Chrissian,

Can you leave it wth me overnight. I have applied for this in the UK as part of my work but I would need to find my precedents.

I see no reason why you can't self represent. I believe it would be heard at the Sessions court. Why don't you call SCLC again and ask them what the procedure is to apply for a decree of parentage? Having the DNA already done will make the process easier, from what I can gather the court cannot order the other party to allow DNA testing which could have created problems.

Sorry NJ but where there is dispute over parentage, the Court can order DNA testing. 🙂

Apparently not in Scotland

Well I am blowed ...you are right! :} that means that any female can state a man is father and refuse a DNA too...although the court can make their own inference if she did.

Sooooo..you would be better off doing DNA testing prior to court action because scots courts wont order it! Bad for the Dads who want to be Dads then!

I try not to make statements without checking first 🙂

Hi
Wow what a shock to find this all out. I feel you should take a step back and make plans to go forward. I think you are trying to put right all her wrong doings overnight and I think this is going to be a slow process and patients is required
I would say sorting contact out via mediation and making a plan to build on increasing contact to gradually having contact on your own. This will take time, might be a good 12 months before you have him on your own
To apply to the courts for parental responsibility (more than one person can have it)
Then finally make plans to get your name rightfully where it belongs on your son’s birth certificate and you recognised as the Father
Now through all this the little one is going to be so confused he already in his eyes as a Daddy so things will have to be taken slowly and trust built up. I even feel sorry for the bloke he thought he had a child and now doesn’t
Your story is similar in some ways to my sons. He had a very brief relationship, they split she went to work away came back pregnant, didn’t know who the Father was, we paid for a dna when baby was born it was my sons, then the fun began after a few weeks she refused any contact her boyfriend became the child’s Daddy and was encouraged to do so, my son went into a major depression. 2years later she then said he could have contact, if he paid! The first 12 months contact was 2 hours every Saturday with her present, then he was allowed to take her to the park, this was increased to 4 hours unsupervised, but in between all this we weren’t allowed without her permission to meet her and only two people at a time and not out of the area she lived in. She wouldn’t agree to his name being put on the birth certificate or to have PR . We put up with it for 3 years then she moved away 200 miles round trip and applied the same restrictions, she increased it to 7 hours, but not out of the area so we wandered around, we had, had enough and we took her to court who ordered mediation.. My Granddaughter is now 4 and next month we have overnight contact for the first time and all restriction are now lifted, she calls my son Daddy and the other Daddy has now been dumped and a new Uncle is on the scene . He now has PR but she is still adamant his name won’t be on the birth certificate, little does she know now he has PR we don’t need her permission to have his name added on, yes we need it to change her name which we know she never will , it does make me suspicious tho, I’m wondering if she put her boyfriend at the times name on
I’m not saying you should wait this long to take action but from the child’s point of view it will take time to build trust, you are a stranger to him and things will need to be taken slowly

Hi AK57,
I’ve purposely copied and pasted this bit and below is my response to it:
“I think you are trying to put right all her wrong doings overnight and I think this is going to be a slow process and patients is required
I would say sorting contact out via mediation and making a plan to build on increasing contact to gradually having contact on your own. This will take time, might be a good 12 months before you have him on your own”

You are sooooooo right! I am going through soo many emotions and the worst emotion I had (and do sometimes) is whether to just pull out completely (just paying the CSA and sending bday cards/pressies) and wait until he is old enough to find me.
I don’t want this to affect my current relationship. I also feel bad if I pull out. This is soo hard. My parents and other family members are very upset with the whole thing.

How awful it would be for my boy?! He will be soooo confused and I wish I could know what would be best for him?!

I don’t want to fight with my ex and I certainly cant afford going through the cost. It isnt just the financial stress but the emotional part.
It was hard when we met at the centre. He hasn’t got a clue about and keeps asking for his daddy (my ex’s boyfriend).
How do I make plans to go forward?! It appears that this would only works if I agree to spend time with my ex and feed that unrealistic view she has about us being a family.
She is barking mad. No fat chance I will ever be with just my son and her.

The whole thing scares the life out of me!!! I hate when children are tangled in situations like this. The long term damage could be catastrophic to them. I don’t want my son to be bullied at school. Mummy is white Scottish, mum’s boyfriend who he calls “daddy” is white Scottish and my son is mixed race.

PS: i also feel for you and your son.

To all of you, I do appreciate and value the times you are taking to not only read the posts and the replies.

It is so good to know that I can come here and chat!

Hi the forum is a great place to seek advise and let off steam and sometimes a third party who is not emotionally involved can see things differently.
I should imagine this has shocked everyone in your life , but this is about the child and what's best . Off course he has every right to know who his real daddy is but in his eyes he already has a Daddy. Out of interest do you know what your exs partner thinks, I know he will have realised he wasn't his son, but he has bonded with him . I know what you are saying about him being mixed race and being with two white parents but to be honest there are thousands of family's like this and kids learn to deal with it, what concerns me more is when he gets older he will figure it out himself and then want to know why .
Hard to advise you what to do, its a very difficult time for you all . Your right tho she cant expect to play happy family's with you. Carry on with mediation for a while longer , good luck and keep us posted

Hello to All,

You may recall I wrote a while back in re to my issue. Just a summary of the matter:
After breaking up with my ex girlfriend, her friend contacted via a social network 32 months after to say I am the father of my ex little boy. I eventually spoke to my ex on the matter and she said I was and she didn't bothered contacting me because she thought her current boyfriend was the father. Bear in mind that the little boy is mixed race, I am black origin, my ex and current boyfriend are Caucasian. I asked my ex why waited after his second bday anniversary to contact me and whether it wasn't obvious enough that her current boyfriend wasn't the father?! She claimed they realised that my boy was mixed race after 3 months of his birth but they just thought that oh well the current boyfriend would just carry on as the father and they went on and registered him as the father. She claimed that she has been worrying about my son searching for answers when he grows up thus she decided to contact me. Hey, she claimed it wasn't about the money she contacted me though she couldn't stop herself of asking for money a few weeks after the DNA results.
I requested a Notarized DNA and paid for it (around £300). The report concludes that I am 99.99% his father.

I am currently married and I will def spare you how this news has and still affecting my relationship. Since April 2013, On a 3hrs drive, I visit my son every 4 weeks for 2hrs in the contact centre with my ex present. She will be happy for me outing (away from the centre) with my son as long as she is also present. No one else. She doesn't want my wife or any of my family members involved. She claimed she has no friends or family members to help though those friends and family members have helped and time to time babysit. The bottom line is my ex wants us to be a family and she has no regard at all for her boyfriend, my wife and most importantly our son best interests. We've been through mediation but she hasn't complied to the agreements (which are of course voluntary). I even got a solicitor to write to her but that hasn't been successful and it is costing me big money to write letters contrary to her who is getting legal aid. As it stands, because I haven't got a relationship yet with my son (I am still a stranger to him), it is def not in the best interests of my son to be left alone with me. Because the mother claims that she hasn't got any friend or family member to assist with outing, the court can't force the mother if I was to take her to court (which I can't afford to do). I WILL NOT PLAY happy family with my ex which could feed into her hope of us getting back together.
As it stands, whilst it is frustrating, sad, upsetting, regrettable and annoying, I will just carry on visiting my son in the contact centre (though it isn't natural) until I hopefully build a better relationship with him which would enable me to be in position to have unsupervised contact.

Recently, my ex finally agreed (this is yet to be seen) for her boyfriend details to be removed. This isn't about adding my name but just to remove her boyfriend name. In Scotland, unfortunately the correction can only be done via the Court. My solicitor is charging me £500 to apply on my behalf through the Court. Sadly, I can't afford that kind of money and will not qualify for legal aid. I've decided to apply myself and wondering if anyone has applied for similar request in the past or have any knowledge on how to apply?
I spoke to the Sheriff office and was advised that I must sent first what's called An a Initial Writ attached with original documentation (ie: DNA test,etc) and a fee of £87. It should be pointed out that the office advised me to seek a solicitor to assist on this matter.

Below is my draft. Any comments/suggestions?!

To the Honourable Sheriff
of West Lothian Civic Centre
Howden South Road Mr ME
West Lothian England
EH54 6FF

Your Honour,

Application for a Decree to remove the wrong father's details from the Birth Registration

I separated from my former partner, Miss X around April 2010. Thirty two months later around December 2012, without the knowledge of her pregnancy during or after the relationship, Miss X contacted me via a third party to advise that I am the father of her son Y, born on 02-12-2010. Miss X also advised me that she has incorrectly registered the father's details on the Birth Certificate.

At my request, a paternity test was carried out and the Notarized Paternity Analysis Report concludes that I, Mr Me is the biological father of Master Y. I have included the original Notarized Parternity Analysis Report. The report also concludes that the probability of a relationship between my son Y and I is 99.99%.

As a parent of Master Y and after successfully submitted the necessary and required documentations, I am currently paying child maintenance through the Child Support Agency.

Master Y's birth certificate incorrectly states that his father is Mr Z (my former partner current boyfriend).

Miss X and I are in agreement to correct the error so that Mr Z details can be removed from Master Y's Birth Registration. Miss X and my son Y currently reside in West Lothian.

Your honour, under the Decree of Parentage/Non Parentage Section 18A (1) of The Registration of Birth, Death and Marriage, Scotland Act 1965, I hereby apply to the Court for a Decree to be granted to remove the wrong father's details (Mr Z) from Master Y's birth registration.

Yours sincerely,

This is such a sad situation for you and I can't imagine the disruption and heartache it has caused to your family.

I have very little knowledge of Scottish procedure but hopefully someone else will come along that has had some experience to share with you. There is always the SCLC that can advise you.

Thanks Mojo!

The heartache is still ongoing and not sure whether the disruption will ever settle. My wife & I and the rest of the family are trying to live with it though they will love to have contact too.

The SCLC can't help on court matter.

Thanks again

...I meant to say, the draft of the letter looks absolutely fine to me! Good luck.

You may find this useful, it's the contact details for Families Need Fathers Scotland, National Office.

Ian - 0131 557 2440

ian.maxwell@fnf.org.uk

Here's a link to the webpage that will give you some more info about the meetings that are held in Scotland, just scroll down the list, the Scottish meetings are at the bottom....but I'd definitely give Ian a call.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings

I really hope this helps. Please do keep us posted.,

Thanks Mojo,

I will def give him a call and if necessary, will travel up in Scotland for a meeting.

I've thinking again about my draft and thought about this one:
Please let me what you all think.

Latest version:

To the Honourable Sheriff
of West Lothian Civic Centre
Howden South Road Mr ME
West Lothian England
EH54 6FF

I hereby apply for a decree to amend the details of my son, Master Y’s Birth Registration Document.
I will outline below why I consider it both necessary and desirable to enact such an amendment.

Master Y is the son of my ex-partner Miss X.

When I separated from Miss X, around April of 2010, I was unaware that she was pregnant.

Around December of 2012 Miss X contacted me and informed me that she had given birth to a son on 02 December 2010. She informed me that, without question, the child was mine.
She further advised that she had registered the name of her current partner, Mr Z, as the child’s father.

At this point I decided that it was appropriate and morally responsible that I should submit to a Paternity Test. Miss X was in agreement.

The test was carried out and the Notarised Paternity Analysis Report concluded that I, Mr Me, am the biological father of Master Y, born 02 December 2010.
Please find attached the original Notarised Paternity Analysis Report.
The report concludes that the probability of a biological relationship between myself and Master Y is 99.99%.

Having established beyond reasonable doubt that I am the biological father of the said Master Y, I submitted my details to the Child Support Agency and I am now regularly paying child support for my son.

Having established paternity and assumed my responsibilities as a parent I now ask the court to remove the erroneous details relating to Mr Z from my child’s Birth Registration Document.

I have confirmed that Miss X is in full agreement with this petition.

Miss X and my son, Master X currently reside at , West Lothian.

In conclusion I respectfully ask the court, under the Decree of Parentage/Non Parentage Section 18A (1) of The Registration of Birth, Death and Marriage, Scotland Act 1965, to grant a decree removing the erroneous details from my son’s Birth Registration Document.

Also sounds good to me!
it might be a good idea to wait and speak to FNF before sending it, they might have some additional advice for you.e

Ian will be able to advise you on Scottish law but if you live in England I don't see why you couldn't also attend a FNF meeting local to where you live too....it will be a good source of support for you you'll find details on the link I gave you earlier.