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Firstly hello everyone, I think finding this website may be my saving grace from going totally mad.
just a bit of background for you. I have a boy who is now 22months. back in march 2010 i discovered my now ex had been cheating on me. we split and she finally moved out in july.
now we both agreed terms and days when we would see our son. Currently - and this was a total stretch to get this agreed at work. i pick up my son from nursery on a monday afternoon, he stays with me monday night and goes home tuesday 5pm - he then comes back to me friday at 5 pm and i have him till sunday pm.
The following week i collect him from nursery wed 1pm and she collects him back from me thursday 5pm
I work every other sunday to ensure always getting a day of in the week for him.
My ex has now decided i cant see him on the monday and tuesday as she feels coming to me is bad for huis routine - she has pretty much said if i cant change my work hours again to suit her - (she wants me to get every every wed and thursday off) i will lose my time with him - i am furious and threatening legal action but actually do not have a clue where i stand.I need to stress here work are borderlining being less forgiving to my constant demands from them. asking for a change in hours again has already resulted in a definate no.
I pay her 38 a week - this is all i can afford - that said my recent use of the CSA calculater said i should be paying 31 a week - still she demands more money also.
My son gets EVERYTHING he needs in my care, i also genuinely believe i can offer him more stability than her, i live by myself in what the home he was first bought up in, she lives at her brothers with my son.
now i wont preach to being a saint, there have been times when i have been unable to have my son, illness, work etc but i have lost count of the amount of "favours" i have done (the usual one is her brother has her car so she cant collect him/drop him off) so i have to go.
We also agreed we would not introduce new partners to our son until he was a little bit older, this week she came to collect my son from me, as it happenned i was going out after to do some shopping so left a few seconds after her, to find her car parked around the corner p[ipicking up the bloke she ledft hiding there while she collected my boy.
i really am at a loose end as to where i should go from here. we are beyond mediation but the court will cripple us both financially and i only want what is best for my boy - to be able to see his father!
Hi mrkirsop
Firstly a big welcome to Dadtalk, I'm glad you found us and I hope we are going to be able to give you the support and advice you need at the moment. Clearly you are going through a stressful time.
You say that you are beyond mediation - has this been suggested and rejected by your ex, or do you think it is something you can work towards. I know you feel court action is the only way but as you say this can be expensive and time consuming. Also the courts generally like to see that mediation has at least been attempted and it will go in your favour if you can demonstrate that this has been tried.
Your ex isn't putting your little boy first in this and it is his needs which are paramount. I hope that you can broach the subject of mediation with her and try to sort this out amicably as you have been able to originally when you first split up.
You can get advice about this through Families Need Fathers an excellent organisation who will understand the issues here. Call them on 0300 0300 363 or try their website http://www.fnf.org.uk
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
