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Hi guys just joined today and need so major help and advice
I have been with my partner for 6 years e now have a little girl thats just turned2 and shes amazing. Our relationship has broke down recently and i have now moved out of the rented family home. I have been trying to fix the relationship but she is not interested and has now found a new man 3 weeks later (shows what i ment to her). i moved out 6 weeks ago and since then i have had my daughter every thursday, friday, saturday night and most sundays till tea time with the occasional sunday night thrown in.
She is in full time nursery from 8.30 - 5pm which her mother pays for from university because she puts down on her form shes a single parent. she has always dealt with the tax credits, child benefits etc i have never had anything to do with them, she is now making fraudulent claims for benefits as she works illegally.
With my daughter at nursery till 5 every day and normally sleeping by 8 her mother sees her when she wakes up till she drops her off at nursery mon, tues, wed, thurs mornings and when she picks her up at 5 till she sleeps on evening mon tue wed evenings depending on sunday what time she picks her up usually around 3/4 she sees her for another 5 hours.
i do the same thursday and friday but have her all day sat and most of sunday.
the reason its been like this is tat she took a job in a night club and works 5pm - 5am thursday friday and saturday nights and sleeps the rest of the time, she then took a 2nd job cash in hand mon tues wed 9 - 5, shes at uni and claiming everything under the sun, working tax, student loan, child benefit, maintance grants, loan parent awards, council tax help, rent help
where do i stand? am i the residential parent? i work full time can i claim the tax credits? i read that i have to have my daughter over 56 days in 16 week period, which i dont if u count where she sleeps but if you count hours she never sees her mother.
i love my daughter more than anything and would be happy to have her full time but her mother is a good mum when shes around!
her mother has no interest in splitting anything she just wants the money! she has a cleaner at the house, is going to ibiza with the girls, shopping / new clothes every week, i dont know many students who can do that. I have a holiday booked in september for me and my daughter....
advice guys please
Hi Gledhill,
I'm sorry to hear about your problem, but welcome to the site and I hope we can be of some help.
As it stands your ex is recognised as being the resident parent.
If you are on a low income you may be entitled to working tax credits, but I doubt that you'll be able to receive any child tax credits. This is currently paid to cover the cost of child care and in this instance is paid to your ex.
If you are struggling with any debts maybe you could contact the Consumer Credit Counselling Service? They may be able to help you restructure your finances.
To be honest your situation isn't that bad compared to a lot of the other Dads on here. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to focus on what your ex is doing. No good will come from that. At the moment you have regular contact with your daughter and I wouldn't recommend that you do anything to jeapordise that.
Is your ex asking you for child maintenence?
FM '70
no she said she wont ask for maintance if i dont try and apply or any of her benefits.
its not about the money i just hate that she harldy sees our daughter, i do all the hard work with her and shes claiming everything under the sun
Maybe you could suggest that she give you a little something towards travel costs and nappies? If you're struggling with money maybe you should tell her that you may have to look at working additional hours, which would impact on your child care arrangements?
I can see that it must be difficult, especially if you feel that your ex isn't pulling her weight. What is it that you actually want? It's difficult to force someone into spending more time with their child, but she may well argue that she's trying to support them both and take offence to the suggestion that she isn't pulling her weight.
dont know if its too simplistic but dont want her to be able to hold my daughter over me.
with the fact i have her so much whats the chance and how do i go about having my daughters residence with me?
You would have to go to court and apply for a residency order, but I'm afraid that you've got very little chance of getting full residency of your daughter. You would need to prove that your daughter was at physical, emotional or physcological risk by staying with your ex.
I would say that you would stand a better chance of getting a shared residency order, which is very similar to the arrangement you have presently. It's essentially a legal order that recognises that your child has two homes.
However I would suggest that you look at mediation as a way of resolving this issue. A court will have expected you to have tried mediation anyway.
You already have a mutually agreed shared residency arrangement that allows you to enjoy ample contact with your daughter, so a court would immediately ask what the problem is?
If you threaten court action, your ex is also highly likely to terminate contact with your daughter. You'll then have to go to court to regain contact, which could take months. You'll be spending money on court fees and perhaps a solicitor, whilst she would get legal aid due to the fact that she's had to quit work to look after your little girl.
Trust me - and I'm sure 100% of Dads in this situation would agree with me - you really, really want to avoid that.
Hi im a very similar boat im trying to still keep my business afloat and im paying her 400 per month for one child her mobile bill my companys phone given her the car and added myself as guarantor and paid the initial rent in her house. I now dont seemy daughter and currently trying to gain access to seeing my daughter just on a sunday for 6 hours so i can do what i want too with her . hopefully with a new solicitor fighting my corner and me not been so soft on the stained finances and should resolve it. I wish you best of luck tho
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