[Solved] Pretty distraught, lost and confused..Need advice

It's a very difficult situation and I can't immediately see a way around it. If the other man is a real danger, then you can report your concerns to the Childrens Services, but unless he is know to them or the police, I can't see they'd do anything. As for joint custody, I'm not sure that it would achieve anything more than you have at the moment.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

Hi Ashley79 and welcome 🙂

Could you tell me how old your son is? Does he have a close and loving relationship with his mum? How often do you have contact with him and does he stay overnight with you? Lots of questions I know!

The fact that you both got back together recently and it didn't work must have left your son feeling confused and more a little sad. I think in light of this, it would be a mistake for your ex to introduce him to another man so soon. I think that you should consider trying mediation. This is where you would both attend at a mediation centre, and with the guidance of a trained mediator, talk through all the issues and hopefully come to an agreement. It would give you a chance to voice your concerns without it all blowing up into a row. If you are considering going for a contact order through the courts then it is always advisable to have tried mediation first. If you make an appointment to go and talk with them, they will then write your ex a letter explaining what they do, and asking her to attend a meeting. She is far less likely to refuse when the request is made in a more official way through a third party. However if she does decline the offer, then at least if you go to court, you will be able to say that you have made an effort to resolve the issues but your ex refused. That will go in your favour, and it would indicate that your ex is being unreasonable, so its worth doing wether you think she would agree or not.

The other thing you can do is speak to the police about your concerns for your sons safety, they will log it as a report and if there is any negative back ground with the new boyfriend then this will be flagged up. They may in some circumstances call in on your ex just to make sure everything is ok, but at least you will have bought it to the attention of the authorities and if something were to happen in the future, something can be done more quickly.

Again you can, as actd suggests, call the Childrens Services and talk to them about it. They might appear not to take you seriously but if you state that you think your son is at risk then they should investigate. If you do contact them make sure that you ask them to log your call and make a record of your concerns.

Finally if after everything, the only thing you can do is to go to court for a defined contact order then theres lots of information on here. If you are unemployed or on a low income you would be entitled to Legal Aid. If thats not applicable, then you might consider representing yourself, as solicitors cost a fortune! You would need to submit a C100 form to your local family or civil court and this would cost £200.

Good luck with everything and do let us knoow how you're getting on 🙂

...Sorry! I meant to leave you a link to the Mediation service , so here it is!

www.nfm.org.uk

Hi all. Thank you firstly for looking at this. I woke at 4:30am in a panic and cant get the feelings out my head.

My son is 3 in Feb. He has a good relationship with her and me. He stays over mine one night at the weekend as and when it suits her I guess. I am flexible and will have him regardless.

I feel so powerless as I just get told what will happen and not asked. I'm shocked that even when I raise my concerns its ignored. I understand she is in want mode and wont listen to reason. I will have a look thought your suggestions. I have proposed we look in to mediation and go from there. If I am still not happy with that then I will go to the police. I have asked her for time to talk away from our son as all we do is argue in front of him which is not good for him.

Any more suggestions I will be appreciative. It really is confusing as to know what is best to do. I didn't go in to work today which will affect things more in the long run. I'm so drained and down something has to give.

...The reason I asked about the mother/son relationship is because if you feel that its a good one, then try and reassure yourself that although she may be behaving selfishly, she wouldn't put him at real risk. She hasn't yet introduced this other man, and so although there are worries the situation hasn't escalated.

My point about mediation is not for you to ask her, but for the mediation service to do this on your behalf, as it makes it more formal. Honestly I think this is your best bet at the moment, and if you make contact with them you should get an appointment through really quickly. You will find doing something about your situation will make you feel better, sitting at home and worrying and having thoughts going round and round will just cause more confusion. Taking control of your situation will help believe me!

I know things seem bleak at the moment, but if you're not sleeping properly then problems will seem more insurmountable and perspectives will get distorted. If you want to turn this around you need your strength, both physically and mentally, and that means eating, sleeping and getting back to work. If you keep yourself busy and active it will help how you're feeling. The best thing you can do for your son is to get yourself back on track! It will take a lot of energy and focus to get where you want to be and mopping around at home and feeling sorry for yourself is counter productive! Dont get sad, dont get mad, get even!