[Solved] Prohib steps - Mum introducing strangers

Not really sure you can do anything about it unless you have reason to believe the new guy is a real threat to your child in which case you have every right to raise it with the authorities.

However if you don’t then you may have to just accept she has moved on like you did…….it doesn’t make it any easier on your emotions knowing someone else is around your kid who you know nothing about.....i had no knowledge of my ex and her new fella until 10mths after I left her and took legal action to get more contact….it was then I was told (from a friend) that there was a new fella “playing daddy”!
Fuming I contacted my solicitor saying that she had moved someone else in my house and in to my child’s life while I was being prevented from seeing my child because I “dared” go against her and take her to court.

As far is I understand it your ex has no right to tell you who you see or who you allow to see your child when with you…..just as you don’t really have the right to question/dictate who she allows to be with her and your child.
As long as you or her feel the time is right…the new relationship is stable enough etc…etc… then that is your decision and your ex or you should accept that they are right in their assessment of this.

Well that’s what I was told by my ex…….by my solicitor that I had at the time I found out.

My concern is the timing though. If the reporter is aware of this chap then I will say nothing, he will have made up his own mind on that one.

But if she has kept this guy hidden, well it goes against everything she is fighting for. She stopped me seeing him because I wanted to introduce a long term partner, now she has introduced someone.

Simply double standards at the worst time.

Certainly is double standards!

Unfortunately more cases seem to show that the mother (or if I’m to be politically correct normally the RP - resident parent) can seemingly do what they want, when they want and how they want and you just have to accept it or fight it.

In my opinion - The problem fighting it will always be because you’re male and NRP (non-resident parent) …..if you were the mother then I’m sure that a “mother’s rights” far outweigh a “fathers’ rights” regardless of being the RP or NRP….as far as I can see in the majority of cases the fathers get the raw end of the deal.

I’m going to be ripped apart by the ladies here but correct me if I’m wrong that mothers seem to get the benefit of the doubt where most fathers are guilty until proven innocent as soon as the DV card gets played!
I personally got laughed at and told to “man up” by the police when I was being harassed and mentally abused by my ex!

Sorry ladies…. yes this is from a bitter father being on the receiving end of domestic abuse and false DV claims and harassment claims that took me 2yrs to finally get an admission from the ex in court under oath that she mislead the courts and police….actually she lied as the judge pointed it out!

This can always be seen as double standards as the non resident party has to jump through hoops to keep the resident party happy.

I had similar, when I started seeing someone new I was told that there was no way my child was to be introduced to them under any circumstance, when I was in a position to want to introduce I had to gain permission to do so.

But then on the flip side, my ex introduced my child to a new partner without me knowing and even allowed him to care for my child whilst she was at work, all of which I was never told.

I did raise this double standard in mediation and in court and was advised that it wasn't needed to gain permission from me for this to happen as she was the resident party (that said they also advised her I wouldn't need permission either) I was told that because my child lives with her that having a life isn't as easy so being in contact with a new partner would normally happen earlier than with a non resident party.

I don't agree with this and have never tried to introduce to a new partner before an extended time, and it seems that in your case it is very soon and this chap is living with your ex, though he may only stay there a few times a week, children can exaggerate as you know. This doesn't change how quickly this has happened though. I would inform the court/reporter so they know the double standards that are happening.

Dad-i-d

I don't think the ladies on here would rip you apart as they all seem to be more concerned with the children involved no matter which party is to blame. You have been through the mill and the support comes from both sexes on here for you.

GTTS

As GTTS rightly states, for me at least, it's all to do with injustice and what is best for the children regardless of gender! I've voiced my opinion many times about the double standards that seem to run through Family Law and how the law seems to be heavily weighted in the womens favour.... As you know my son is getting a raw deal at the moment, even though he has custody, he is struggling to be allowed to protect his son from the mothers lifestyle, drugs, a boyfriend convicted of DV and Arson and ongoing allegations of physical abuse against her children...but the court have reinstated contact at her mothers, with a view to reinstating contact at her home overnight when he goes back to court in June! Had it been my son involved with drugs, DV, arson and physical abuse of the children he would be denied all contact full stop!!! 😡 But then on the flip side, my daughter is a single parent and would dearly love the father to be more involved with his son, he has him for 3 hours on a sunday and she has to drop him off and pick him up otherwise he probably wouldnt bother!!. She would like him to be much more involved but he doesnt want to know, he hasn't paid her any maintenance for 3 months now either and never gives her petrol money for dropping him off...he then has the cheek to accuse her of being a being a bad mother because she goes out once in a blue moon! So I see both sides of the coin!

Babyreecesdaddy, you could bring it up in conversation with the reporter, it is a double standard and I cant see mentioning it would affect anything.... You could use it as an illustration of how dificult it has been for you and an example of how you have risen above things in the best interests of your boy, rather than arguing with her about it.

dad-i-d..sorry to take you away from this topic
but isnt your ex commited Perjury by repeatedly lying at the court proceedings? perjury is a statutory offence isnt it!

INFO
Yes it is….but at that point having gone through over 2yrs of fighting through courts and finally getting an upper hand in the fight through me sticking to the truth I didn’t pursue that as it was simply going to drag things out even further…..emotionally I’d had enough of fighting and being stopped from seeing my child for months at a time.
So to try and get to see my child without further delays I left that one alone, it has gone in my favour ever since by not lowering myself to her standards.

She has continually frustrated the judge to the point that every time I’ve dragged her back to court in the last 12mths the judge rules in my favour….i now have the order enforcement that will put her finally in contempt of court if she breaks it. All the other orders she broke didn’t have the “teeth” to be enforced by the courts.

Its all about picking the battles and knowing when to be the better person. Had I chose to pursue her through the courts on that I’m sure I’d still be getting no time with my child.

A big part of me would love to see my ex suffer like she’s made me suffer for the last 3yrs but what good would that do for my son? You see as much as it would make me feel better it would potentially hurt my son and that is something I will never ever do….no matter what his mother has done to me in the past I will always put my own feelings aside to ensure he does not suffer because of my actions.

Why lower yourself to her standards? What will that really gain you? in all honesty and my opinion….nothing but longer delays and more restrictions on your interactions with your child.

Do the right thing by your child and put her feelings before yours!……..take a good long look at yourself then address your issues, sort yourself out and be a better person than you were.

We all have failings as people….its what we do to fix them that counts…show the world that you deserve to be in your child's life.

dad-i-d

Wow...i cant stop myself reading your post again and again..touchy

If i am the moderator of this forum, i will try to ensure everyone read this post..especially the last 3 paragraphs 🙂

kudos mate!

sorry Babyreecesdaddy...you may carry on with your post

Why thank you,

Not to worry I got things sorted, got the advice I needed. I do feel guilty for her though as I've just had a letter from my solicitor saying that as far as they were concerned the sheriff wasn't a happy bunny with her not turning up.

But in fairness, she didn't need to. We were in court for 30 seconds! Call me daft for what she's put me through, but I genuinely don't want her to get into trouble.

two points BRD - firstly, you aren't getting her into trouble, you haven't created the situation that would do so, that is her choice and hers alone. You are simply following procedure to get the best for your son, she could do likewise in which case she wouldn't get into trouble.

Secondly, I have to sympathise with the parents with care (as long as they don't abuse their situation) to some extent. The NRP is able to socialise more or less whenever it suits him (or her in some cases) whereas the PWC doesn't have such a freedom as they have children around a lot of the time, so generally it is more likely that the PWC is going to have to introduce any potential new partner before the NRP has to. However, the PWC shouldn't be hiding this - in an ideal situation, there should be open communication as it affects the children directly.

Thats very kind of you Babyreecesdaddy, lets hope that in the future she will realize that you bear her no ill will and whatever you do is for the benefit of your little boy.....it would be great if you could both get on for his sake! 🙂

I have the same problem with my daughters mother. In that last 10 months of my daughter being born she has been introduced to 4 new boy friends (or so called boy friends). And i know theres nothing i can really do about it.

But i have a good feeling he has been violent towards them but no actually prof just what people have said and what i have herd for myself and i really dont know what i can do about it if there is anything.