[Solved] Really could do with some help....

Hi there,

Having read through your post a couple of times I have to say that I think you will have an uphill struggle.... The 12 month harassment order, the damning SS report and the girlfriends history, combined with the possibility of the judges bias towards the mother (wrong but sometimes true) doesn't bode well in my opinion.

The likelihood is that the mother will be eligible for legal aid and will have legal representation.

By the time you get to court it will probably be getting on for 3 months since you last saw your son, its unlikely that you will be granted interim contact at the first hearing because the court will probably want further reports from police, SS etc....It could take months until the final hearing and if contact is awarded it is likely to be supervised at a contact centre. If your son at this point appears frightened of you then this will have a bearing.

I'm sorry to be so negative but I feel I have to be honest with you...of course this is only my opinion and I could be wrong here.

Hi Raggoo

I am sorry to say that I agree with NJ it will be a long uphill struggle.

Definitely get the inaccuracies in the SS report corrected, that is very important, the Court will rely on that. In light of your new partner, you have handled contact quite correctly I think, and as far as SS should be concerned too, shows you care about your son. However I also have to say that even if she comes off mental health records, I fear it will be some time before SS may look at her having contact with your child.

If your ex again harasses now or in the future, you should make complaints to the police, as you should have done previously.

I am sorry it cannot be better information for you(: But don't give up!

Yes raggoo don't give up hope. Even if supervised contact is ordered it won't last forever, and if you can re-establish the bond you had with him then unsupervised contact should be re-instated.

If I was in the position you are in my friend i'd take ANYTHING the court are willing to offer you,even if it's supervised for a set period of time. Once you build up a relationship with your child again it will be seen as a positive thing. Never ever stop fighting for the right to a life with your child,it's a basic human right

Thankyou for the replies so far, needless to say your replies have grounded me some what.
I was incredibly confident of self-representing & felt i had a cracking set of evidence, various messages from my ex saying she wanted me to have my son (all be it from a while ago) as well as multi-tudes of letters she hadn't replied too & a diary of events.
I also have many letters i've sent requesting any form of contact, (she was initially letting me take him to the park if i left my car at hers), then she suddenly stopped this (for no reason).
I've literally said i would sit in her front room & play with our son whilst she watches but she doesn't even reply any more, just ignores all contact, which to me, was showing no way of me actually letting me see my son & making things incredibly difficult.
I felt i had a very strong case & that she'd be made to look very silly.
Until the SS report came through, i'm not going to lie, it made me incredibly angry reading it as 90% of it was lies & exaggerated points,
As i said earlier, my first port of call was to correct them on what i felt was a huge in-justice, i wrote to the SW who wrote the report & also their manager, putting it as nicely as possible that the report which she had written was actually fabricated & that i'd like it put right due to the one-sided & un-fair nature of it.

At the moment, i would take any form of contact, as earlier said, my son & i had a great bond & relationship up until now, however i'm unsure as to how that will be now as the ex is extremely bitter & is very much the sort of person to exaggerate & lie to paint herself in a much better light, i would love to slate her, show all the messages where she's said she's mentally ill, going mad, doesn't want care of our son anymore, however i think the court would see that as [censored]-for-tat?!
I've no intention of going this up & i suspect the only reason she's claiming DV left,right & centre is so she will get legal-aid if i'm completely honest!

Can i ask for interim contact at a directions hearing?
Can i phone CAFCASS to ask for a meeting prior to the directions hearing?

Hi there,

Please don't lose confidence in self representing, my opinion of what could happen has nothing to do with that. People that have chosen this route have had some really good results....representing yourself shows your commitment to your son and who better to let the court see how much it means to you than you yourself!

Continue to gather your evidence ready to file, the texts can be transcribed and at least give an indication of her frame of mind. Of course any proof that you had contact with your son that will show regularity and consistency will help to show that you had established a bond. You are right about avoiding slating her but you can still produce any evidence that you have that shows how unreasonable she is being.

If you want to ask for interim contact at the next hearing then it might be advisable to write to the court to inform them that you will be asking for interim contact to be put in place. You don't need to go into any detail in the letter but make sure you put details of the date and time of the hearing and the case number.

Is the harassment order finished yet?

Hi there,

Please don't lose confidence in self representing, my opinion of what could happen has nothing to do with that. People that have chosen this route have had some really good results....representing yourself shows your commitment to your son and who better to let the court see how much it means to you than you yourself!

Continue to gather your evidence ready to file, the texts can be transcribed and at least give an indication of her frame of mind. Of course any proof that you had contact with your son that will show regularity and consistency will help to show that you had established a bond. You are right about avoiding slating her but you can still produce any evidence that you have that shows how unreasonable she is being.

If you want to ask for interim contact at the next hearing then it might be advisable to write to the court to inform them that you will be asking for interim contact to be put in place. You don't need to go into any detail in the letter but make sure you put details of the date and time of the hearing and the case number.

Is the harassment order finished yet?

I've not lost confidence, it just grounded me a little, i'm incredibly confident in my own abilities to defend myself & feel like i have a lot of evidence to back up my case.
The harrassment order expires sometime mid-October. - I deliberately didn't serve her the papers for the directions hearing in person in case she tried to claim 'harrassment'.
The ironic thing was that when the harrassment order was put in place, it was her who was harrassing me.
I've yet to hear back from SS (i gave them 5 working days to reply), the only reason i can even think they'd put so many lies in their report is because they've taken her word for everything & haven't actually done any research of their own.
Prior to me meeting my new partner myself & my little one had regular contact, it was every Saturday morning until Sunday evening.
If i had days off from work during the week for annual leave i would have him on those as well, birthdays & Xmas was split 50/50.
When i met someone else last year my ex stopped me seeing him all together, i finished things with the girl i was seeing & normal contact resumed.
All was going 'ok' until i met my current partner.
I have done some research for interim & i hadn't put it on my application so i sent a letter to the clerk of the court yesterday & also a copy to my ex letting her know this.
I fully expect her to play a 'victim' role in court & that she will say that she 'does really want me to see my little one & it's me that's making it difficult due to my new partner'.
However in retrospect i've said all along i will play ball to whatever she wants just to spend some time with the little one & she just ignores it all.
Either way i think she's playing the DV card to try & get legal aid, knowing my luck, she'll get it!

You are most probably right about DV and legal aid entitlement...however the harassment order would probably be enough in my opinion as it has happened within the last 18 months.

If the crux of the matter is your current partner and the mental health and supervision issues with her own children, it might be advisable to cut her out of the equation and give assurances that there will be no contact between your son and her and that any introduction would be down the line a good way and only with the consent of all concerned. Of course you could speak of her continuing rehabilitation and the prospect of meeting each other in the future. It would be good to have some direction on it. Also the point can be made that you have already given assurances that there will be no contact without success.

Thanks for the continued advice.
I've made many assurances in the past via letter, verbally & via text message, my parents (who i live with) have also said they would sign a 'contract' as it were stating they would supervise, although i know it's not as simple as this.
My current partner understands everything fully & within the next few months will probably have shared contact again with her children, SS say they want nothing to do wth it anymore & it's for her to sort with the other parents.
Her mental health worker has also said she shouldn;t even be being seen under mental health anymore, all of those signs are positives.
She isn't someone new in my life, it's someone i've known for a number of years, but not someone my ex knows.
I've quite happily said & she has agreed that if i was to have contact with my little one it wouldn't be when she is around, this however prompted me to be ignored by my ex & if i'm quite frank, i would actually like my current partner who i've been with for around 4 months or so now to actually meet my little boy, not be a carer as it were for him as he stays with myself & my parents, but tag along for days out with us (me & my little one) eventually as her son is the same age as my little one.
Either way i think i face an uphill battle.

So the first letter i've sent to SS requesting the report be ammended & asking them why they've written an inaccurate report hasn't been replied too.
I'm just about to send off a follow up letter stating that it fhey don't reply i will be making a formal complaint against them.
I hope this gives them a boot up the backside to try & get things sorted out.

Did you give them a certain number of days in which to reply by again?

You cant do anything else can you, I know they are pretty slow at replying, even to Solicitors letters, but as long as you do it properly that is the main thing.

At the end of the day, you can go to your MP if necessary 🙂

Did you give them a certain number of days in which to reply by again?

You cant do anything else can you, I know they are pretty slow at replying, even to Solicitors letters, but as long as you do it properly that is the main thing.

At the end of the day, you can go to your MP if necessary 🙂

Yeah i asked them to reply within 5 working days again otherwise i'd raise a formal complaint.
I was going to self rep but i also received the ex's solicitors letter, i was deeply confident until i receieved this, however i've since decided to seek legal advice, she has legal aid also.
However i spoke with SS on Friday & to the SW's manager, she confirmed receipt of my 2 letters, we had a frnak discussion & i told her that it wasn't right omitting correct & relevant detail from the report, she said that she was sorry & that my legal team would prove that i wasn't actually convicted of what my ex/SS claiming i have been, i expressed my concern that it wasn't acceptable still, to which she agreed, she also let it slip that they don't have any issue with me having contact & they fully support it, she also said she'd be more than happy to put it in a letter to my solicitors & me saying they 100% support my contact, won't be putting any objections to it & support the decision that it should be re-instated, they also said they'd put in it they made a mistake about the convitcion, one piece of good news so far to come out of this situation!

Did she say when she would send that letter, make sure you get a copy! Make sure you keep on top of getting it too. Personally I think they should have amended the report. Its not just down to your solicitors to disprove but for the SS to get their information right in the first place!!