Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
New to all this and at my wits end, didnt know where to turn.
Had an attempt at coming to a financial setlement tonight with the stbx...here's the essential info.
married 4 years, separated 18 months ago.
3 year old daughter
FMH worth approx 235,000, outstanding mortgage of 184k. No debts to speak of.
I inherited 50% of a 350k house from my late mother last June, approx 4 months after separation ( not intentional). Other 50% belongs to my sister. We are both currently living in this property, but i need to move out to be closer to work. House cannot be sold due to late mothers wishes ( although not documented on will but have several family members who can vouch for this), and sister cannot afford to buy me out.
My income is 1920 p/m, outgoings ( once i start renting) will be around 1500 per month bare minimum before any maintainance payments. Also at real risk of having to find a new job, which will be a large pay cut, due to public sector cuts and privatisation.
Her income, including benefits, is around 1480 p/m before i pay any maintainance. Her supposed outgoings according to form E are around 2k, however this includes hair, keep fit etc. For essentials, i would estimate she needs 1700 p/m to live comfortably including food and fuel. She is able bodied and works as a secretary, 25hrs a week for £7 an hour ( she chose to leave a £9 an hour job to work in this position....i feel so that, in a court, it looks like she is working all hours of the day to keep a roof over her head).
I have been paying at least £350 p/m ( often £500) as voluntary child maintainance.
Decree Nisi recieved a few weeks ago.
NOW.....tonight she said her solicitor has been through my form E, and the solicitor has, apparently, stated that, if it goes to court...
1) They can order my mothers house to be sold if necessary
2) They would suggest I pay around 600 p/m inc CM
3) They will investigate my bank statements
4)They will order a copy of my late mothers will
5) I will be liable for costs, which will be 1000's.
6) They will claim my housing needs are met, therefore i do not need to rent a home closer to work ( i have a 1hr commute each day and spend £300 p/m on fuel alone)
In a " nicey nicey" fashion, she said she did not want things to get this nasty, and proposed the following.
She keeps all equity built up in property thus far. She does not attempt to get any assets. I pay her £500 p/m until daughter is 11, when it will again be reviewed. In return, i get 25% of profit from sale of house as and when it is sold i.e if she meets someone new or when daughter is 18.
She wanted me to sign there and then, if not " then we'll go to court". I refused to sign without legal advice.
I am willing to hand over all equity in the property, and also pay in the region of £300 p/m for child maintainance and, if absolutely necessary, stay on the mortgage so that she does not have to move. She refuses to consider selling the property and renting or going part buy / part rent. She has also omitted from her Form E that she is, eventually, due to inherit a £350k house in the event of her parents death.
My concern is that when i begin renting, i simply will not be able to afford 500 p/m. I will soon find myself in debt. With my current job worries, this is simply not something i could promise for the long term.
I am seeking legal advice asap, as currently do not have representation, but to be honest if her modus operandi is to try and scare me, then its done the trick - im terrified.
Does this sound like scaremongering, or do you guys think a court could rule in her favour like her solicitor has supposedly suggested? Could really do with some reassurance here as at my wits end.
Hi
This is quite complex so you really do need a solicitor to give proper advice, you should be able to get an initial consultation free of charge. It's not uncommon for scaremongering tactics, so there certainly sounds like some of this, but a solicitor should be able to reassure you as to what the possible outcomes are.
I don't think any future inheritance your ex may be due for would be taken into account, I'm not sure whether the same goes for your inheritance - I would hope a solicitor would certainly try to get this excluded. Additionally, I think you would be entitled to a share of the marital home - a court wants to make sure that children have a home to live in - depending on the chance of your ex being able to afford to buy a place if the marital home is sold, it may be worth asking your solicitor about the merits of keeping a share of the marital home until your daughter reaches 18 - it's a long way away, but it's may be a way of preserving more of your equity. As I say, you need expert legal advice on this, but hopefully we can provide clues to the sort of things you can discuss with your solicitor.
Hi zqo93w,
Hope we can be of some help. As actd has said, you will at some point need to get some form of Legal advice.
Mothers Home/Inheritance
In terms of your late mothers home. I would completely refuse any force or allow by way of this divorce for your ex to have any proceeds or finances related to the property. The simple fact is that you need to state that you disagree under the terms that you were separated for 4months and that you and your sister will refuse to comply (and you "refuse to consent") with any orders that a Court makes regarding this instance, and its likely your sister may need be part of the Divorce proceedings for that.
Finances RE: FMH
From what you are saying, a split would fall into a percentage range i.e. 50/50 : 60/40 or likely in your case 70:30 split, with you being the lower of the figures.
Child Support
If your take home pay is £1920 per month, that would mean that your monthly contribution would be 15% of your monthly net pay (12% gross) so you are in actuality looking at around: £288 approx. with a 1/7th reduction for any nights your daughter stops with you. If her Solicitor fights for a Consent Order through Courts for £600 per month, simply contact and "instigate" the CSA. The Court will not have jurisdiction over them. If you are worried about Maintenance and your contribution, you should contact the CSA fairly soon, so as to arrange payment. View the CMOptions link somewhere on here to find out your "obligation"
Threats:
1) They can order my mothers house to be sold if necessary --> As above
2) They would suggest I pay around 600 p/m inc CM --> As above
3) They will investigate my bank statements --> This is a normal thing, that each party see's each others financial documents
4)They will order a copy of my late mothers will --> Unsure as to the legality of this, technically this would be property related to yourself and your sister, and she would likely need to consent to this as would you
5) I will be liable for costs, which will be 1000's. --> Refuse this stating that they do not have authority over you and you do not consent to this as you have no contract with her Solicitors, thus you will not be liable
6) They will claim my housing needs are met, therefore i do not need to rent a home closer to work ( i have a 1hr commute each day and spend £300 p/m on fuel alone) --> Your word will carry weight here so i wouldn't worry.
Don't be scared, you've nothing to worry about. The above is something i've seen many times and i dare say a few posters here are familiar first hand with this. If you like i also call or email privately off these forums to discuss any particulars or concerns that some posters have 🙂
Hope this makes sense.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.