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Hi all,
It’s been a while. Almost 10 years.
I’m considering reopening a case that was cisted in 2013. Naturally, a lawyer will tell me what I want to hear because they get paid.
This forum was a godsend when I was in the thick of it - so hopefully some advice for round two.
Facts:
- Non-bio father of a now 13 year old
- Never married to mother
- Name not on birth certificate
- Child lived with me 5/7 days
- Scottish law
- Mother keeps running/hiding
We went through the process, and a successful BAR report in my favor. Recommendation that contact and PRR be granted.
Bar reporter contacts mother and naturally she doesn’t like the result. Advises family member to contact reporter with false allegations that he has to take seriously.
Allegations proven false, and we reach the record stage. My lawyer decided to [censored] off the judge by asking for a paternity test, to which I cisted the case to re-evaluate.
People continue to come out the wood work suggesting I should re-attempt court for contact and PRR.
Naturally, I agree. But it’s been 9/10 years. I now live in the US, but return home every two months for two weeks.
I have sufficient finances to throw at this and don’t need to rely on attorneys working on cheap legal aid where they do the minimum.
I understand living abroad, and time will go against me, but I chose to wait until they are older so they can have a say.
I know it boils down to child’s best interests - but I’m unaware of any significant changes in law, protocol or similar over the last few years.
Can anyone chime in? I just want to give the option to have me in their life like they wanted from a young age.
In which year did you last have contact with the child and how regular and reliable was it?
@mrstrange 2014 was the last.
I had the majority of custody, he was with me five days out of seven on average.
Thanks.
A child has the right to spend time with both parents. For parents, it’s s privilege for a child to want to spend time with you. At any point in a child’s life, the court can remove a child from the care of a parent.
Therefore, the burden is always on the parent to prove why it’s in a child’s best interest to spend time with them. You would need to build a case that presents:
-Why it would benefit the child to spend time with you?
-What role would you like to play in their life?
-What contact arrangements do you have in mind for term time, holidays and Christmas?
-Whats the risk of you “abandoning” the child again”?
Before reopening the case, would you consider reaching out to the mum and asking how she and he is?
This would enable you to slowly rebuild trust and build up towards indirect contact. Compared with being served with papers, it is less likely to trigger a hostile response. A dialogue with her would also allow you to demonstrate insight and respect for their lives.
@mrstrange Thanks for your response.
Unfortunately, mom has issues and refuses contact with me, or her family - hence this position. We will always have a hostile response.
Contact was removed by mom when she found out I had moved on and was in a new relationship. At that point she refused mediation, and I had to go to court.
Understanding the basis of the case we need to re-build, I’m curious to hear thoughts now that he is 13 and of age to speak for himself, along with the fact I live 7000 miles away.
Makes sense. In that case making a court application is the only path left.
Hearing his thing this now that he’s 13 makes great sense. At that age, if he wants contact then the court will order it regardless of what his mother’s position is. If he’s hesitant about contact them the court might still order indirect contact to begin with and progress when appropriate.
Keep the spirits up. This is not a unique situation as thousands of parents apply for contact every year 🙂
Furthermore, at the age of 13 he’s likely to have his own phone or tablet which would enable indirect contact without the friction of his mum facilitating.
@mrstrange But…remember I’m not the biological father. Understand best interests, but I seem to recall that being used against me?
It’s somewhat a disadvantage but the courts look at the bigger picture e.g Number of years that you were in the child’s life and what child arrangements were in place in the past. The same would apply if you were a biological parent. There are plenty of them who do enough damage to never have contact ordered.
As I wrote above, it’s a child right to have contact with it’s carers, not the other way around. Even grandparents or close relatives can successfully in some cases apply for contact.
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