[Solved] Representing myself and advise appreciated

Hi Kev,

Sorry to hear about your experience with the solicitor.

My ex tried to set similar conditions over contact, when I met someone else,

In answer to your questions.

You do have to continue to pay maintenance even if you don't see your children, maintenance and contact although will nearly always be discussed together shouldn't ever really be considered under the same umbrella. Your ex can't stop you seeing your children if you don't pay and you can't refuse to pay if your not able to see them either.

If you go to court, the judge will look at her requests as well as yours, the judge will make rulings (if needed) around what contact will be allowed and if any overnight stay will be included.

There is no reason for you not to have over night contact and your ex can't enforce conditions over who your children do or don't see whilst they are with you.

It sounds as though she hasn't moved on and resents you for having done so.

Make sure you keep ALL corospondence between the 2 of you as this may be used in court and is also good to be able to review for your own notes ready for court.

I am going through a similar issue, where my wife - soon to be ex-wife has tried to deny me all contact to my children, including telephone contact.

She is now trying to brain-wash them that I do not matter, and admit I struggle when they have previously not wanted to talk to me because of what she tells them.

I too tried representing myself in court during the first directions hearing.
I'm not sure whether the judge was not sympathetic to father actually wanting contact with their children, or read the lies that she had put across; however, the little time I had with my children was cut down dramatically, where I had to fight to be allowed to even collect my children from school!

I also found that even though I had completed all the documentation and asked my wife to attend mediation, of which she refused stating she would sooner see me in court, the judge gave me the contact proposal put forward by her legal representation.

Therefore, with regards to representing yourself, it's a bold step if you get the right judge, but in my experience - Judges are not interested in you the individual, as they will only take on board the views of legal representation (my experience).

Personally, if you can afford representation, I would do it as the feeling of not being listened to when all you want is a relationship with your children is soul destroying.

I apologise if my brief story is bleak, but this is my experience of a system that does not appear ready to acknowledge the fact that some of us fathers can do equally as good a job if not better in some cases to the mothers when it comes to raising children

I am going through a similar issue, where my wife - soon to be ex-wife has tried to deny me all contact to my children, including telephone contact.

She is now trying to brain-wash them that I do not matter, and admit I struggle when they have previously not wanted to talk to me because of what she tells them.

I too tried representing myself in court during the first directions hearing.
I'm not sure whether the judge was not sympathetic to father actually wanting contact with their children, or read the lies that she had put across; however, the little time I had with my children was cut down dramatically, where I had to fight to be allowed to even collect my children from school!

I also found that even though I had completed all the documentation and asked my wife to attend mediation, of which she refused stating she would sooner see me in court, the judge gave me the contact proposal put forward by her legal representation.

Therefore, with regards to representing yourself, it's a bold step if you get the right judge, but in my experience - Judges are not interested in you the individual, as they will only take on board the views of legal representation (my experience).

Personally, if you can afford representation, I would do it as the feeling of not being listened to when all you want is a relationship with your children is soul destroying.

I apologise if my brief story is bleak, but this is my experience of a system that does not appear ready to acknowledge the fact that some of us fathers can do equally as good a job if not better in some cases to the mothers when it comes to raising children

Hi Darren,

Sorry to hear you have had such a bad experience at the court whilst representing yourself.

I have heard similar before, however on the whole I have heard mainly positive stories about self representation. I represented myself in court and have been now 3-4 times, the first visit my ex came with a solicitor and I would say that she came out a lot worse off than I did and the judge really didn't accept what her solicitor was asking for and instead ruled in my favour.

I have had visits where I have felt that we didn't get anywhere and your right it feels oul destroying, but it hasn't changed my view as to how I go forward. I'm back in court in 2 days time and It's my hope that it will be the last visit as it seems to have dragged on for ages (only actually been 1 year).

It is good to hear your views too as it gives a better rounded oppinion of how the court works.

Darren

Hi Darren,

What you have said does give us some hope of self representation and the possibility of light being at the end of the tunnel, so also very good at hearing your views/ experiences.

I would dearly like to hear more about your experiences, as this could prove invaluable to other fathers embarking on the same journey.

I wish you all the best when you go back to court.

At the moment, Cafcas and child services are involved as my ex told them that I abuse my children and they are scared of me, to which both children laughed at....
Child services were not interested in the slightest about what I had to say and I now understand that Cafcas will be speaking to my children soon, but have not spoken to me at all in any capacity, so am therefore at a loss as to what they actually want to discuss.

So far, the general concensus I have seen trawling through the world wide web, is that there are other fathers out there going though similar episodes.

I suppose it's difficult to stay optimistic, when the system does not inherently feel as though it is ready to acknowledge fathers as an equal parent in their childrens lives/upbringing.

Keep us updated please, and hoping for the very best for you when you are next in court.

Darren