[Solved] Residence orders and contact.

Hi again,

Thanks for sharing! Am I right to assume the Mum is not able to get him to school on time because of the change of location? Or is it because of the times stated on the agreement? What time did he get to school on Monday? I would think that if he is missing out on school, they will want to change the arrangements as it's the law that he receives his education.

Thanks for your interest....yes Mum cant get him to school as she has an older child attending the school my grandson used to attend up until the end of summer term. This school is a short walk from her house. She would need a car to get him to his new school. Changing schools was talked about during the court hearings last year, it states in the order that school changes should be agreed by both parents....my son thought he had her agreement when he spoke to her about it in July, he just didn't think to get it in writing! She's just being [censored] minded I'm afraid, she has never accepted the courts decision really.
Looking at the big picture, I feel she is going to shoot herself in the foot with this behaviour. My sons knee [censored] reaction was to want to deny her contact in the following weeks until we can get back to court, but I have advised him that he needs to box clever here...he mustn't be seen to be going against the existing order, and by letting her be seen to put her feelings before whats best for her son will benefit us in the long run. Its not good that A's schooling is disrupted but it wont be for long and wont have any long term ill effects. I've also advised my son, when he eventually drops him into school late, to go and see the headmaster and tell him all about whats been happening and what to expect in the next few weeks.
Even though we wanted to change A's school a while ago, we made a point of keeping him at his last school until the end of the school year, so that his little life wasnt disrupted further after coming to live with us....even though thats what he wanted, even at 4yrs old! That day we went to pick him up from his Mums last May, his sister was sobbing but A was very quiet and un attached from the turmoil going on around him. When we put him in the car he just smiled and said can I live at your house now! We were having him stay every weekend and days through the week because apparantly he was behaving like a little monster, smashing things and trashing the house (It was a pig sty!)He was as good as gold at our house...We think she must have threatened him by saying "I'll send you to your Dads if you dont behave"....he figured the rest out for himself! Back then he was small, thin and pale, with dull, sad eyes. He's a different child now, he'd grown so much and his eyes now sparkle!
I've also advised my son to go and speak to his teacher at his old school as the weekends his Mum was responsible for picking him up on the Friday and then taking him in on the following Monday were not as they should be...she would often be late picking him up and he would be sent on the Monday with no school bag, she lost his books in the chaos of her house on several occasions too. His teacher was aware of this and had spoken to my son about it....this will help the court to see that she isnt reliable as far as his schooling is concerned.

We think she must have threatened him by saying "I'll send you to your Dads if you dont behave"....he figured the rest out for himself!

Oh, that made me chuckle - good lad 🙂

How did it go at the solicitors? He could withhold contact on the basis that he is applying to court to have the order varied, but I think your suggestion is better and she will do herself more damage (as long as your grandson is safe) with her attitude.

Keep us posted.

...He's a clever little chap!

The solicitor had to postpone until Thursday, but I'll keep you posted.

A is for my grandson, I wasnt sure if I should use names initially but I guess its ok....A and his dad came for tea today and I asked him if he had a good weekend at his Mums, his response was immediate, he said no and when I asked why, he said Mummy had said bad things about me and Daddy. This is what I expected, he often doesn't want to go, but theres not a lot we can do about it...we've learnt that from bitter experience. He was being physically abused, kicked and slapped before he came to us, he told us this but the Social Services wouldn't take this seriously enough. Although Alfie and his older sister were neglected, poor diet, lack of proper hygiene, dirty clothes, living in a house that was party central and under Social services at risk order....The only thing that swung it in our favour at the residency hearing was the positive drug testing for class A drugs! They consider that A is too young to know his own mind and they seem to think the more a child doesnt want to see a parent, the more they should be encouraged to do so. So even though were not happy with his fortnightly weekend sleepovers at his Mums, we have no choice. I will say, that since losing custody she has got a little better, there arnt parties constantly and its a little less chaotic,but its just a matter of making the best of it.

Encouraging contact is one thing, putting him at risk is another - social services have a hard job to do, but sometimes I do wonder about some of their choices. I would push as hard as possible for supervised contact at a contact centre - the drugs test is a good start for an argument for this I would have thought. Basically, you have absolutely nothing to lose by trying - the worst that will happen is that you will lose that argument an be in the position you are currently in, but you may just win the argument in court.

I'm pretty sure they wont go for that...We've had him since May last year, and won the residence order in September last year. At the time even with all the evidence from Social Services and police reports about the goings on at the Mothers house and the positive drugs test, they still insisted that she be allowed to have him for 3 nights every other weekend, and shared contact during holidays... She didnt request any extra contact all through the summer holidays though!
Sometimes it feels as if we're banging our heads against a brick wall!
The Social Services in our area was/is under some sort of improvement order because they were failing children under their care... So it doesnt suprise me that they are only dealing with crisis situations, and consider our case as borderline and not in need of any proper interventions...theres a Baby P situation waiting to happen in this area in my opinion....

AH, you could be right about supervised contact on the basis that contact has been going well - still not happy about the idea myself, but that's life I suppose, and perhaps losing Alfie has made her realise that there are more important things in life than partying etc.

We're not happy either but our hands remain tied to a degree...at least my son has the residence order, there are many out there that are not so lucky!
A is a bright, happy child that has definately benefited from our intervention and we are thankful for that!

Just to update...my son has sacked his solicitor. He will try to reach an agreement through mediation again. If that doesnt work he will apply to the courts. Just by looking at other posts on here, it appears that the C100 is the route to take to amend the details of contact.

I think we've said before, but since he's unrepresented, we can now use the CCLC for advice - though I suspect you've read pretty much everything they've said on here, along with yoji's guide to representing yourself 🙂

Thanks actd! I have a sneaking suspicion that if we cant reach agreement at Mediation then we will go back to court....only this time I will be by my sons side in the courtroom, and not in the waiting room wringing my hands!

This site is a valuable resource and I cant thank you all enough... ok, group hug!