[Solved] residency of a child

I was recently in a very similar situation and know first hand how stressful this can be. Your son is fully entitled to go to the new nursery and collect his child. There is no court order stating he can't. However what he doesn't want is for his ex partner to make claims about him abducting the child, also the nursery will not want involved in any domestic issues between the parents. He should contact the new nursery and give them his details, asking to be kept up to date with his child's progress, this is his right, meeting with them face to face will also allow the staff to form their own opinion of him, this will show he is only interested in his child's wellbeing. Tell him to keep notes on any discussions the nursery he may need these at a later date, above all he must try to remain positive it will get better

Hi tiddles 🙂

I'd like to establish if your son has Parental Responsibility... Were the children born after December 2003 and is he named on the birth certificate? I take it, as you use the term partner that they were not married.

I think the first step would be to write to her and request that she reinstates contact. The childrens best interests are to have both parents in their lives and to take the youngest without discussion and put her into a different school is extremely disruptive. Stopping them from having contact with their father whom they have a very strong bond with is also detrimental to their well being and is not in their best interests. The courts will recognise the fathers rights to a relationship with their children but their priority is the rights of the children to have both parents involved in their upbringing.

So, write a letter, ask for contact to be reinstated, state that if she refuses you will have no alternative but to take it to mediation and failing that, court, and give her 14 days to,respond. Keep a copy of the letter and proof of postage, which you can get over the PO counter, it's a free service.

If she doesn't respond within the timeframe or refuses, the next step is mediation. This is where your son would make an appointment to attend and discuss his concerns, the Mediator would then write and invite his ex to attend so,that she can talk through the issues. Once that is done both parties would be asked to attend together and with the guidance of the Mediator talk everything through and hopefully come to an agreement. If this fails then the mediator would issue your son with a form FM1 which he would need to submit to court with the C100 form, which is the form used to apply to the court for a Contact Order. There is a charge of this service, but if your son is on benefits or a low income he can get Legal Aid to cover costs. Here's a couple of links, the first to the Mediation service website and the second to the Legal Aid calculator that will tell your son if he is eligible for help with the cost.

www.nfm.org.uk

www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

There are some stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section, two all about representing yourself in court and the third about the C100 form.

As Davidmc says there's nothing to say your son can't take her back but it might not sit well with the authorities, he can take the higher ground by stating that he wasn't happy to further disrupt and distress her by taking her back. His advice about contacting the new nursery is also sound advice.

Tell your son to start a diary and record everything concerning his partner and the children, this will assist him when/if he goes to court. Court is and always should be a last resort as it puts so much emotional strain on everyone involved. There is no Legal Aid for legal representation for Family Law cases anymore and the costs involved in employing a solicitor can reach into the thousands. Representing yourself is very doable and there are plenty here that have been through or are going through this process so you and your son will get lots of help and support here. 🙂

I like you landed here in search of advice for my son and grandson and I have learnt so much! Welcome nanna 🙂

yes, my boy is on the birth certificate and children were born after 2003.
i thank you all for your advice.
my main concern is the distress for the little one as she has been with dad for 8 months, he has all paperwork from child tax and child benefits supporting this and i think it is totally wrong for a parent to move the children and refuse contact = is this allowed, mum is working full time and wont even be able to spend any quality time with either of the children, hence she had the children on the weekends. it is her mother who is looking after the children and collecting them from schools and nurseries, it is totally wrong.
i know it is killing my boy not seeing them and my only fear is that he does get into trouble when he goes to the nursery.
sharon

My rant would be that sadly this is where fathers really are not recognised in law. Were you son to have done this in a reverse role the police/court would have backed your sons ex. Admittedly she has not potrayed herself in a good light for disturbing the routine and this will be relevant when going to court if thats the way it is headed.

It might be worth calling the police and telling them what has happened, that your son has PR and has the child with him for the last 8 months and is in receipt of the child benefits etc. That the mother without warning picked the child up from nursery early and refuses to return her or allow contact and has changed nurseries. Express your real concern for the distress this must be causing the child, and even if they wont return her to you, they should call at the home and check that she is ok.

Your son might also consider contacting Childrens Services, but again theres doubt that they would do anything...its all geared to the mother. They say its not but experience tells us different! 🙁

May I ask why you voice concern for the youngest child alone if they were both living with your son through the week? I ask because in the eyes of the authorities (Social Services and the Courts) they come as a package...it is thought extremely important that siblings be kept together. The financial agreement between your son and his ex is a separate issue, I can see the fairness of sharing the benefits. Of course it might be the financial side of it that has motivated the ex to act in this way. I bet she has put in a claim for the child benefit and tax credits already and I wouldnt be surprised if you hear from the CSA in the near future.

None of this is great news for you I know, but its the reality I am afraid....if she wont reconsider it is likely to be a long haul through the mediation and court process.

The other point to consider is that the youngest was put into a nursery which is helping with her speech...is the new one? bearing in mind your son and Surestart got her into that nursery for that reason, mother is being unreasonable. NJ could be right to and its because of financial issues.

Yes there is that too of course...if she has speech problems then continuity is even more important and this could have set her back.

I do think your son should contact the police, he could even ask that they accompany him to the ex's house so that he can see for himself that they are ok...and if the children are distressed and want to return with their Daddy the police might assist.