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Like many of you i have been subject to false (very) allegations in an attempt to halt me from seeing my son, We're a year into the process and we have a review hearing coming up in Feb. I requested a fact-finder, my ex served me with a schedule of allegations, ranging from DV and sexual abuse...all without a shred of evidence, some of the accusations are laughable and very disturbing. I then responded essentially disproving her allegations and providing evidence that she was in fact the abuser in our relationship. I really have some compelling evidence.
My question is what is likely to happen in the review hearing, i'm positive the judge would have come down on me hard if my ex had even half of the evidence i had, so will my evidence be seen in the same light and will there be actions for my ex? I have provided evidence that she's lied in court previously, threats, verbal abuse and very demeaning and manipulative messages from her family telling her to essentially use my son as a pawn to extort money.
Leading on from this when should i expect to have my son back "as per normal"...i have been seeing him in a contact center for nearly a year and all reports are glowing; there is nothing she can now throw at me...im a dedicated and loving dad and can now prove this.
I am self-represented so would appreciate the experience of others as i am worried there is still loads more hurdles to jump over before i have my son back. Cheers. David.
Hi
I'll drop the cclc a line and ask them to pop on - they are away until 2nd Jan, so hopefully they'll give some advice then.
Not wanting to scare you any but i've been through the Fact-Finding (Dec 2011) and proved at that point once and for all that my ex lied and contiues to do so to delay contact. i have to say that having the same judge and knowing that he had a very good idea of what the ex has been up to this last 2yrs was great for me.
for the Fact Finding i had every text message and email between us going back to 2008, copies of police notes, cafcass notes, contact centre notes etc... all showing her to be the issue and provided all this to court....copies of course to her barister and legal team well in advance of the hearing (i self represented) and the judge found all her allegations false and saw her for what she was.
even better than that was the look on her solicitor and barister's faces when the ex actually admitted to the judge that i hadn't hit her as she first claimed over 3yrs ago now (dec 2009)!!!
Since Dec 2010 i have been given contact orders, of which the ex has broken each one...finding of fact was great to finally show her for the liar she is!...but still she tries all sorts of stunts to delay and prevent contact to which i had no other option but to apply for an enforcement order.....the judge was the one suggesting thats the only way for the courts to actually do something and get contact resumed!
I am now awaiting the enforcement of these orders at the end of Jan.....then she cannot delay or stop contact without facing what i hope to be true justice! either that or i need to get a Batman suit :whistle:
Thank you for your post
We would be grateful if you would contact us to discuss your matter in more detail.
You can contact us via our webchat facility which can be found at www.childrenslegalcentre.com and is available Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm.
Alternatively you can contact our freephone advice line on 0808 8020 008 which is available Monday to Friday 8am-8pm.
We look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
CORAM CHILDREN’S LEGAL CENTRE
Thank you both for your input. I will give the centre a call tomorrow. D-i-D can i ask how is your personal relationship with your child?
Its amazing in this day and age that a process such as this can be so flawed and take so much time. When will these people (ultra-conservative judges, poorly trained CAFCASS/SS officers and of course the vindictive ex's) ever be held accountable for the harm they will cause our children? I guess you cannot track two different paths in life but i have no doubt these children will be much better off involved with us loving moms/dads who are denied access in thier life.
I have to say that my relationship was great with my little boy, and each time he sees me he comes up to me chatting and smiling as he always has……before now the longest he’s gone without seeing me has been 4mths…..however this time its probably going to be 6mths by the end of Jan….plus his mother has given birth to a girl with her new fella about 4mth ago which is (I think) partly the reason she won’t let him or “encourage” contact to take place!
What has surprised me over the last 2+yrs that I’ve been forced by the ex to endure huge gaps in contact with him that he has always come to me or with me with very little hesitation and always with a smile and almost as if he saw me just the week before…..but as he’s only 5 I’m guessing he doesn’t/didn’t really know why I wasn’t in his life every day like I was until he was 2 ½ …..
I’m guessing though that the ex has been manipulating him more in this last few months due to the birth her new child….after all she won’t want to be explaining why one calls her new hubby by a name and the new child calls him daddy will she!!! Far too embarrassing or my ex! I know how she works!
But I live everyday with the hope that it’ll all work out in the end….i didn’t think that 18mth ago….but I’m fairly positive that in time it will work out…..i have to be….i don’t want my little boy to think I’m one of those deadbeat dad’s who don’t want anything to do with their kids.
You will never ever be "one of those deadbeat Dad's", the energy that you have shown in trying to have a relationship with your kid and the energy that you have displayed here helping other Fathers clearly demomstrates that you are nothing but. NEVER EVER GIVE UP.
Brian
In a way despite your pain I still see positives. Your son knows who you are and although you miss out of the daily activities im sure you remain in his heart.
My own son I see every 3 weeks but he knows who I am and is perfectly comfortable and happy with me. I guess some bonds are just hard to break.
This whole experience has made me philosophical on human nature and indeed underlying mental pathologies. I don’t refer to women specifically because I respect women and respect men equally. My current partner is the nicest girl you could hope to meet and she’d never stop me seeing our son to be.
It does make you wonder what goes on in these ex’s heads. Do they not realise what harm they are doing or do they live in perfect harmony with themselves depriving a loving parent from being with his offspring. I do always think what if my son becomes a criminal of the highest order or develops severe mental issues whether my ex would at all feel any responsibility or would she merely shrug her shoulders and try and justify it. I for one know that’s why I cant give up on my son and will do everything I can to have him back.
I do feel sorry for the pain you have gone through as I have gone through it myself albeit for a shorter time, but don’t let it break you down in other areas of your life. I have read some of your other posts and you have really suffered but you sound optimistic and one day it will all be okay.
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