[Solved] Selling the house - Tennants in Common Equal Share

Hi its such a shame when couples split and the children are split, have you tried relate ?
I think as yours is a complex case you really will need to seek advise from a solicitor. Not sure why she thinks she has the upper hand because of the 11 year old staying with her, all the children need stability and a home .

I agree with ak57 ...generally the woman would be able to get a court order to stay in the property until the child is 18 but as you also have custody of two of the children then I don't know how that would work.

The 11 year old may well change his/her mind when there are suddenly no siblings around.

Yes we tried Relate she & the affair partner were using it to manage me out of the relationship behind my back. Manipulating friends, manipulating me to be here or there so they could meet up, manipulating themselves.

Relate will not see her again.

Solicitors advice comes slowly weekly & costs me 1000's & is burning my ability to buy a house for me let alone the kids.

The 11 year old may well change his/her mind when there are suddenly no siblings around.

am banking on that a bit.

Other than the situation i am in, the real question is; Can i sell a tenants in common or do I need a court order or her agreement to yield my share?

Hi are you both on the deeds

Yes & a form that declares it as dissolving Join tenants to become Joint tenants in Common equal share.
Both signed &,witnessed form.

So i think I can only sell if she agrees or a court decides?

Side - question if she stays/I go & she wont pay me for my share can I charge 50% market rent to her?

Cant charge rent as she is a co-owner

Tenants in common means in the event of your death it is not transferred to her but to your estate

Hi I think the only way you are going to get her to sell is to get a court order. I cant see any benefit on her part if she continues down this route. If all the children were going to stay with her then she might have a good case to keep the house until the youngest reaches 18. Its a complete waste of money and could be dealt with between you. If you leave you will still be expected to pay half the mortgage if she defaults they will come to you, the mortgage people are not interested who pays as long as it gets paid.
As for charging her 50 per cent of the going rental I thought you could, getting it out of her might be a different story
Theres lots of things on the internet but it seems to be based on one parent having the children and the other leaving the home. I cant see any way other then getting legal advise the only winner will be the legal people

a good site is

static.advisenow.org.uk

link is dead?

2 opposing views on says no one says poss - can i charge her rent on her use of my share? - or can i dictate who can use it like no lodgers, no rent a room & no affair partner! ?

not sure if this was the intended link Advicenow

still dead?

According to my solicitor I can charge a notional rent & I can say she cannot sub let or move somebody in without my consent.

Yes I thought that was the case as I have had first hand experience of this, hope you get this sorted

Ok, try again - repeated here Advicenow

yep that works some useful info on there.

Problem is she thinks we do the process of mediation but we don't talk at all at home & I & the kids JUST want to move out NOW> So think we will.

So we went down mediation route.

Mediation 1 was an utter waste of money just 'this is what we do' & i can read that on line.
Mediation 2 was an utter waste of money as she tried to get the kids view excluded & we only agreed they would stay in the same schools? er of course they will as neither of us had any intention to change that.
I said this is a waste of time i am looking to move out the kids are hurting over this.
Her solicitor wrote a threatening letter saying complete mediation, or court & costs.
I said phewy OK lets do it then court now. i will self rep ...you?
She begged me to do mediation 3 by now it was only 3 days away do i did.
Mediation 3 after an hr of finance bollocks & me thinking time to ask for FM1 & leave in the last 20 mins - she gave me the house, 2 kids shared care for another & I buy her out at 50% after 6months renting !!!! Er what happened? she capitulated?

Then she said she was leaving just before Christmas -- so i said is that a good thing to do can we talk about it?

We are staying together till new year & having Christmas together for the kids. Then shes leaving for rented, I have 4-6months to either see if some reconciliation might be possible? or save some cash & get a mortgage sorted.

The 2 elder kids are looking fwd to next year as they will be running / cleaning & redecorating their own rooms & helping run the house. I just hope my youngest is OK with shared & does not miss his brother sister too much, but he is free to come here when ever (as teenagers say) .

My wild emotions have subsided, I am calmer, lost 1.5 stone, my dancing 34"longs fit, my daughter is horrified by that thought, I feel for my X she has given up a lot & lost a lot, i hope in time she can heal that & the kids see her again & we talk again.

Thank you to all who commented, gave advice, provided information & refs on my journey. Its not over yet the next leg will be crossing the void created by her absence in this home. But with some love & team work me & the 2.5 kids will do it & show we can run a good family home too.

what have I learned from this

Communication is key use counselors to reinforce it.
Maintenance is a means to beat each other up.
Mediation works but the process is vague so ask for the subject headings for each session first.
Get legal advice between & read up on things using this place & its many links.
Stay calm, don't read too much into things. i was so pessimistic!
Offer nothing in writing but be conciliatory verbally.
Never get married its much simple cohabiting!

Excellent post. Brilliant summary 😀

....that's the point though isn't it, you have learnt and because you've both put the kids central to all decisions you are able to move forward and reach agreements.... You are so right it's all about communication, but its also about the kind of person you are, and that's strong and sensitive and very capable....well done Hitchphil!

Well done,

its strange at times how fickle and abrupt the other halfs decision making process can be with no rationale basis behind it.

So we did Christmas together for the sake of my youngest who was happy so job well done. Then I took kids to my family whilst she moved her stuff & after I dropped them at her mums & came home to move my stuff about & fill the gaps. we did new year & she moved out the day after. I am now building a new home environment built on trust, involvement & personal responsibility for our own mess / actions / laundry! & shared responsibility for meals, cleaning & helping.

We have a mediation agreement (appallingly written document full of mistakes) but now shes moved I have refused to sign it as she is carrying on the affair in secret (the families worst kept secret!) & she hasn't agreed an undertaking not to introduce my youngest to 'him'. Till then I sit on the house & pay nothing of my share, shes in a rented house & we wait till she agrees. If not she can try to get a court to make me sell the house from under me & my 2.5 kids.... not. In the mean time I save like mad to pay her her share with the minimum mortgage possible.

The local car boot was good for replacing all sorts of stuff like vases & kitchen bits & picture frames, free cycle turned up some great bits & I got rid of some stuff there too.

The 11 year old has had one night with her & came back saying 'mum is grooming me to stay with her by buying me stuff like new leggo' !, i said is that going to work then & are you happy with a relationship like that? he said 'nope it isn't going to work its plastic & the leggo is made from plastic too' ! No problems with grasping that then.

This is almost 180 degrees from the picture she presented to me on a plate back in Aug, as the one who broke the bond of trust between her & me / family & she being the one who betrayed her family shes lost almost everything.

Lesson - stand the moral high ground, believe in that & defend it, its unassailable in the longer term & the kids will respect any dad for it.

Just read you last couple of posts in this thread......well done!

Youve come a long way and all for your children.

Your lesson at the end of the last post has offered me inspiration and perked me up from my pre final hearing blues...4 days starting Tuesday.

Regards,

Dave

Just read you last couple of posts in this thread......well done!

Youve come a long way and all for your children.

Your lesson at the end of the last post has offered me inspiration and perked me up from my pre final hearing blues...4 days starting Tuesday.

Regards,

Dave

Very best of luck & I will be thinking of you Tues. Remember NO lawyer can express what a parent thinks, feels, believes is right for their family. Only you can do that & then remember kids grow up & you may lose them for a while but do what is emotionally right for them they will come to you.

Things seem to be moving forward without too many problems....it was unlikely to be smooth running., but I think you were prepared for that.

Well done for being your children's rock.