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Hi,
I have seperated from my partner after nearly ten years last May, At 35 years old I realised our relationship was all but a lie from the start. The very first night I met her, she fell pregnant. I decided to do the right thing and support her through the following years that followed. After my eldest was born Luke ( now 9 ) we had another two girls ( Amber 2 and Amy 7 ). When I met her she had been living in a nice house which was her first and I almost moved in straight away to support the our new family.
As time went on I payed the mortgage and bills and had the house remortgaged in both names so we could improve the house by adding double glazing and a conseravatory etc. Later we moved into a 6 bedroom house that we loved and could accomadate the family, however I decided after just one year in the new house to suddenly just move out as I hadnt been a happy man for a long time and shortly after I met someone else.
As anyone can imagine, this is a very hard time not just for myself and my ex, but also the children who I love dearly. Soon after moving out, I received a letter from her solicitor claiming I was bringing the youngest child back to her with soiled nappies and under fed! She had a grudge against me and was making me out to be a bad man to anyone who would listen. Now as time has passed and I need to remove myself from the morgage as I cannot afford to pay for this and the rental on my one bedroom flat which is all I can afford, I asked for 50% of the equity in the property so she could remain in the house and own it outright for herself and the children.
My share of this should be around £59k, but I only asked for £30 thinking I was doing the right thing, but again now she is sorting out her new mortgage I have realised I have sold myself short, She wont let me have the kids overnight as my new place is too small and cold for them and suggested I take them too my mothers instead. Beleave me, this is not pratical so instead I pick them up every other weekend in the morning and return them home later in the evening. Without a settlement that will clear my personal debts I still wont be able to move into somewhere that will be ok for them to stay.
She only agreed to pay me £25k at first because her Mum gave her £30k to purchase her first house that I moved into after meeting her that first night.
Although her mum did sign this money as a gift and that it wasnt to be paid back, my ex is taking this money from my payment as she said I was the one who moved out. All I want is for this to be sorted out and quickly as I miss my kids waking up in the mornings and asking for breakfast etc, SOMEONE help me out on this one please.............
Hi Sparky,
Welcome to DadTalk mate. There is nothing worse when a relationship comes to an end than sorting out who gets what and access rights. I will pass this over to our legal partners the Children's Legal Centre for some sage words. This could take a few days so hang in there and keep popping back.
I can imagine how much you are missing your kids and I hope for the sake of your kids, both you and your ex can sort this out.
At the end of the day your kids need contact with you as much as they do with their mother.
I'm sure some other Dadtalkers who have been in your situation will share their experiences with you and offer you some support.
Hang in there and if you feel the need to talk further, pop back.
Gooner
Dear Sparkyruss
There appear to be two issues stemming from your post. Firstly, an issue with finances, and secondly, a contact issue.
We must stress that we can only provide advice in relation to child law and therefore will not be able to advise you on the financial issues in relation to the property however we would recommend suggesting mediation to your ex-partner. Mediation is often the first step in making an agreement following a separation. For more information regarding mediation we would recommend that you contact National Family Mediation on 01392 271610. For further legal advice in relation to the property we would suggest that you contact the Citizen’s Advice Bureau or a family solicitor in your local area.
Mediation would be especially beneficial to you as you would also have a chance to discuss the arrangements for the children and when and where contact should take place. If you do not manage to reach an agreement in mediation then there are other options, such as making an application to the court for a contact order. A contact order would state when and where contact takes place between yourself and the children.
Another issue to consider is that of parental responsibility. As you were not married to your ex-partner this means that you may not have parental responsibility for your children. Parental responsibility, in everyday terms, means an ability to have an input into major decisions relating to the children. You will have parental responsibility for your children if you are named on the birth certificate and they were born after 1st December 2003. You could also have gained parental responsibility through a prescribed agreement which is witnessed by the court.
If you do not have parental responsibility, it is possible to gain this, either by agreement with your ex-partner or alternatively by making an application to the court for a parental responsibility order.
If mediation is unsuccessful, or your ex-partner refuses to go then we would recommend phoning the Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008 for some further advice as to how to proceed further and the possibility of court action.
We hope this information has been of use to you.
Kind regards
Children’s Legal Centre
I agree with CLC that you need legal advice on this. As an outside to this, I would tend to say that as far as the financial side is concerned, your ex isn't being too unreasonable - assuming there is about £118k equity (double the £59k you mentioned) then if she takes away the £30k that she got from her mother, and was in the house before you met her, then the remaining equity is £88k and half of this would be £44k. However, as she is providing a home for the children, the courts may consider that she needs the current house in order to continue to keep the children in their current lifestyle (unless it is over indulgent), and that will be the courts prime consideration.
My advice would be to get free legal advice, either as suggested above, or the Citizens Advice Bureau. If you have to use a solicitor, then at the figures you are talking about, any extra you might gain could easily be swallowed up in legal fees meaning you will be no better off, and your children will be worse off - my divorce (not including later proceedings for custody which was 4-5 times that) cost me around £9,000 in legal fees - that was 10 years ago, and that was with some compromising on both sides.
Hi
Its so sad that all this fighting is about I did not realise to you go through things yourself. I hope you get things sorted I have just offered my ex 90% of the property if it is sold as I need to move on but I think that the share of this property will be put in storage untill my youngest is 18 so my ex stays in the house. The courts are very much prime kids which is good but the ex partners jump on this and try to get all aswell from the house, car, spousal maintenance, csa and even down to extra when your wages rise. I feel that the system is very anti father.
good luck
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