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Hi there,
is there such a diagnosis of separation anxiety?
The reason I ask is my husbands little boy is nearly 3 and since we moved in together the mother said the child could not stay over with us as he has been unsettled at night and it takes her days to settle him after he has stayed with us when we asked her to expand on this, she advised he cries and when will not let her put him down for hours on end.
The diagnosis came from the health visitor apparently on his last check up when the mother enquired?
The funny thing is, the child never asks for his mother or cries or behaves in any unsettled way when he is with us, he seems confident and happy and only appears quiet when we return him to his mother.
I would like impartial advice as maybe I am looking at the situation in the wrong way.
I am preparing for mediation/court attendance so any advice would be great.
thank you
K x
This is exactly what I get from my ex…..and yet when he’s with me he’s exactly as you describe with yours.
The problem I have is my ex decided that this is not separation anxiety but that he is obviously not enjoying being with me…..which is absolute cr*p as he is perfectly fine with me and he seems to have fun, never asks for her or anything.
Yet all I get from her is he’s telling her he’s asks for her and I won’t let him talk to her….all a load of cr*p!!!
But this results in her stopping contact……..the courts are pinning her further in to the corner and its just become a game to her to destroy any bond me and my son have now.
The real question is……….How do we stop this/these people???
Hi K
I've posted on the other thread - I would be wary of his ex's claims, and even if he is hard to settle, it could be the ex exacerbating this.
Separation anxiety will usually show up mostly with the primary career, it is possible that once he see's his mum this is bringing the feelings back to the surface, so what she says could be true.
But there would likely be signs with you too. If he has never had trouble settling with you it is very unlikely he is experiencing bad separation anxiety. If he has struggled settling, and now seems "indifferent" or subdued rather than upset, then that would be a sign of him struggling, but if he is happy and lively the majority of the time with you , and most importantly, is usually happy at both handovers, then it sounds like an exaggeration or excuse.
"If the events triggering separation anxiety continue, eventually the infant may pass into a state which has been termed "detachment". It may be thought that the child has "settled", and he or she may appear happy. He may be friendly to almost anyone, except to his mother if she re-appears. Children in this state will often turn away from their mothers or appear not to recognize them. It seems a reaction to the feelings of hurt and longing being brought up again. These reactions are more likely when the child is away from home and in a strange environment." So logically if he is suffering it then you would be able to tell by his reaction to her at handovers.
Does he attend nursery/a childminders?
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