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Before I explain what is going on, I need to say that all I want is to be fair and pay for my children, I don't want to feel bullied by my ex wife anymore.
We separated 3 years ago and divorced earlier this year. We have two children 4 and 6 years who spend 50% of the time with her and 50% of the time with me, this was eventually agreed by her after initially refusing and only offering every other weekend!
The little one has been at Nursery and I've been paying £200 to the nursery for her and she has been paying £200 pounds. I share all the costs of uniform/shoes/swimming lessons etc etc and buy them clothes and coats etc.
When we spilit she carried on getting the child benefit paid into her account, the nursery bill has now ended as the youngest is going to school soon and my ex wants me to pay £120 per month direct to her. We've tried to discuss what this is for and she wants a set figure to pay for school meals, uniform, shoes etc rather than having to ask me to pay half all of the time. I would prefer to take it in turns to buy things like uniform and shoes but she won't have that and she wants the fixed amount and she'll buy everything. This obviously starts to exclude me from doing things with my children but I agreed to it to keep the peace.
When we spoke about the amount she point blank refeuses to take the £135 per month child benefit into consideration, she says that is her money to spend on the children and won't even talk about it. My initial suggestion was that she pays for the £80 a month school dinner fees and keeps the rest but she said no.
So she wants £120 a month and the child benefit to pay for things only related to school, everything else I will have to provide myself, for instance clothes, going out shoes, activities etc etc, and when I try to talk about it she threatens the CSA and says she'll go to them.
Having spoken to the CSA if she were to make a claim I'd have to pay £236 per month even though I half them half of the time!! The advice they gave was that if it is all equal they base their decision on who gets the child benefit. If I were to get benefit for one child and she made a CSA claim I could claim against her!
That is just ridiculous and it would be putting a lot of people to a lot of work because we couldn't agree, that said, she will not change one of the benefits to me and will not take it into account when calculating what money she wants. We both earn exactly the same amount and I just feel she is bullying me into doing something or else the CSA become involved........has anybody claimed child benefit successfully?
What do you think I should do?
🙁
Hi MrB
I've dealt with the CSA and Child Benefit Office.
My understand and story is as follows:-
I earn a bit more than my ex. When my 2 sons were living with their mother I paid about £324 a month.
On the 9th August my eldest (whose 13yrs) came to live with me. I notified the CSA and applied for Child Benefit. The CSA did not reply for another 6 months! Things are now getting sorted out having written to my MP! All the same, you say that your salaries are the same and contact is the same, if you have a Contact Order stipulating that, that will be your proof. But, from what you’re saying I'm astounded that the CSA have indicated that you have to pay anything! I've had a big discussion with the Parliamentary Resolution Team and all things considered, the only differences they've identified are our salaries! I have one child, my ex has one child, and they both stay equal nights with the other parent, around 54 nights a year.
Are you saying that out of a fortnight, your children stay with you for 7 nights? If that is the case then it appears you have Shared Residency of your children.
With regard to Child Benefit, when my eldest came to live with me, I sent my son's Birth Certificate and a copy of my Court Order indicating that I had residency. This was after 5 months. The delay was due to my Ex citing Shared Care! After they received the proof I received Child Benefit. But I don't recall the CSA enquiring whether I had Child Benefit, they were more concerned that I was paying and whether I had Child Tax Credit.
Unfortunately the CSA are a law unto themselves. You may want to look at http://www.nacsa.co.uk but also write to your MP.
Hope this helps, no doubt someone will give some further words of wisdom.
Regards
Hi MrB
At the moment Dadtalk doesn't have an expert on this subject so we will ask our Legal Experts over at CLC to see if they have any thoughts.
We can't get hold of them untill monday so please hang in there.
Jools64 and Harveys Dad,
Thanks for your help in relation to this.
The care of the children is spilt 50/50 it is on a two week cycle and out of those I have them 7 nights and my ex has them 7 nights.
We still can't seem to agree what the financial arrangements should be but this weekend my eldest has started saying things like, "Mummy is having a party for us when we go home" and "How many nights are we with you Daddy?" she also came out with a statement that knocked me for six, she said " Mummy said if I don't want to stay with you I should just ring her and she'll come and get me". I suspect that some sort of mind games involving the children are now beginning...totally on her part as I will not get involved in anything like this. I feel she's lost what all this is about, the welfare of the children seems to have taken a back seat to pursuing the finance arrangement with me. I hope I'm wrong but only time will tell.
Harveys Dad,
Any help or advice you could obtain would be fantastic thanks.
I'll keep you all posted.
MrB
Dear MrB,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
Generally we do not offer any form of advice relating to maintenance or benefits.
However, if you and your ex partner can come to an agreement regarding the payments made by each of you then this is fine and you can do this. No agreement is legally binding unless it has been made into a consent order by the courts, otherwise either parent can change what was agreed at any time.
Either yourself or the mother can contact the Child Support Agency at any time and ask them to assess the situation. You are also able to work out a guideline amount that should be being paid on their website.
If the CSA calculate an amount of maintenance then this will be the amount you are required to pay, but you will not need to pay the mother anything over this amount if she asks.
With regards to the Child Benefit and whether you can make a claim for this, it is possible of your children live with you 50% of the time or more. You can find out further information on Child Benefits by calling the Child Benefit Helpline on 0845 302 1444.
For further information on the CSA and maintenance you are able to contact Child Maintenance Options on 0800 988 0988 or the CSA directly on 08457 133 133.
Sorry we could not be of further assistance. Should you require advice on issues of child law, please contact our Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre.
Hi
Child Benefit
You may want to read
http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/MANUALS/ntcmanua ... 050230.htm
This is to determine who gets Child Benefit, the determining factors are:-
There are several factors you need to consider when deciding who has main responsibility for a child or young person
>Where they physically live
>Any court orders in force covering arrangements for their care
>Their official address
>Where they go to school and who the school regards as the person to contact
>The location of their doctor and whose address is registered with the doctor
>Where their personal possessions are kept
>Where they stay when they are ill
Where the main responsibility is finely balanced you may also need to take account of the financial effects on both parties of awarding or denying entitlement and whether the decision might impact on the ability to provide assistance and maintain contact.
Have a look at:-
Child Maintenance Options: http://www.cmoptions.org/
As I understand it (and I've been dealing with the CSA now for 4 years - it's a slow process but I have to say I have found them very helpful and understanding)- with 2 children, you should pay 20% of your salary to your ex, with there being a 1/7th reduction for each night of the week they stay with you, so will get a 50% reduction on your contributions.
If you were to have the children for one week out of every two, and possibly a couple of weeks extra, so you have them for more than half of the year, then you could argue that you were the parent with care, in which case, your ex would, in theory, have to pay you instead of the other way around - but you could end up having a battle over where your children stay to tip the balance.
Perhaps it is worth adding up all of the costs of childcare, food etc, deduct the child support from this, and then agree to split the remainder in proportion to your incomes - depends on whether your ex will agree to this.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
